I value time more than money, and I know you do donate your time. I don’t at all disagree with this statement:

“But the fact is that when your assets are limited and you have a family, your first concern should be to benefit your own, not an institution that disburses your money in ways over which you have no control.”

That’s pretty much the basis on how I choose to give or not to give — whether or not my family has been taken care of.

I suppose I consider my divergence a slight one: I know that I’m perpetually concerned about the long term and forget that sometimes a small donation of money to a specific area could make a bigger difference to the recipient than it takes away from me as a giver. For instance, treating a broke friend to lunch, or making a small donation to a grassroots cause I believe in. I’m ok with doing that because in the long run, I’m just taking that from money I would have spent on myself, I wouldn’t touch money that’s been set aside to take care of my parents.

Is that extreme? Maybe. But he appeared not to be alone in that thinking. Although his comment was allowed to drop, I had the distinct impression a number of folks agreed with him.

Listen to sermons during fund-raising time. Invariably you will hear that ’tis harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven. The spin: Jesus told his followers to divest themselves of their wealth and give it to the poor (i.e., to the church), for this exemplary behavior will save us in the afterlife.

These are not extremist Bible-pounders. These are ordinary Episcopalians.

It’s important for church members to support the church with time, talent and gifts (financial and otherwise) but not to their own detriment.

But other families insisted that the window should honour their sons who died in WWII as well — which would have been FINE, except that they weren’t willing to chip in any money to help pay for it. The final options were: (a) the widow pays 100% of the cost of the window, and all the sons’ names were on it; or (b) no window. She paid.

Anyway, I was trying to say that we can’t afford to respond to widespread ugliness by closing our eyes & missing those flashes of compassion and fellowship that make life worthwhile. I feel very lucky to have found a couple of communities that fit that bill. Sounds like some of you have as well.

And I do donate to NPR and to causes like Andrea’s Closet. I have been known to give an entire paycheck to Planned Parenthood, and I sent cash whenever I could to the Obama campaign.

I just happen to think that donating to religious organizations is somewhat questionable, especially given the kind of social pressure that is brought to bear on parishioners. When a group tries to make you feel you’re not going to heaven unless you divest yourself of your wealth by giving it to the group (nevermind how you’re going to put food on the table in your old age), something is wrong. Unfortunately, that’s the standard fund-raising MO in too many churches that I’ve been in.

Then there’s the “you don’t really care about us unless you give us money” approach. This one manifests itself when the sermon takes the tack that it doesn’t really matter how much you pledge; even a small amount will prove your commitment to the church.

And the “you can’t be part of this group unless you tithe” line: how Christian is that, really?

If these were commercial entities, Consumer Reports would be all over them!