Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

And did I mention we were through the looking glass?

Funny to functionary in business office, re: furloughs:

SK [Sidekick] and I would like to ensure that each of us takes our furlough days on different days of the week, to be sure someone who is not a grad student is in place at [Our Spectacular Office] at all times. To accomplish that, here’s the plan I would like to suggest:

I take each payday between now & the end of the current FY as the furlough day. This is 11 days. I will need to see how much one of these things actually reduces my take-home pay before deciding when to take the 12th day, as I will have to figure out where the survival money will come from. This will probably happen while the weather is still cool enough that we don’t have huge air-conditioning bills.

SK may then take the Thursday of payday week off, if she would like, or any other day in each pay period. Similarly, SK will need to figure out how she will make ends meet before deciding on a 12th day.

The only question we have about this is the effect the lagging pay policy would have on using the payday itself as the furlough day. As far as I can figure, there are 11 paydays between now and June 30, because the July 2 payday actually covers a period that ends in June. Is that correct?

I hope this strategy is acceptable to the Dean’s Office. If there’s any problem with it, please alert me so we can adjust accordingly.

Functionary to Funny, re: furloughs:

There are actually 12 pay periods in the furlough time. It began this week. You will be able to figure out approximately how much it will reduce your take home pay if you take 10% of your pay and subtract it from the total pay. (one day of each pay period is 1 out of 10 days or 10%) If you and SK, start this week, then you have 12 pay periods and you will not have to have any check with 2 days missing. Does that make sense?

Thank you for being conscious of the fact that it is important we have coverage in your office at all times. The College appreciates that.

Heh heh heh heh heh heh…you betcha!

You understand: We get paid on July 2, a day earlier than normal because July 3, a holiday, falls on our usual payday. We have what is known as “lagging pay,” meaning our paychecks cover periods of varying distance in the past. No one who is human has been able to figure out a rationale for this system, which makes exactly zero sense.

M’hijito once explained lagging pay to me, pointing out that, among other benefits for the employer, it amounts to a way to short you for paid vacation time at the time you leave a company’s employ. It was all over my head, so I didn’t understand a word of what he said. But I’m quite certain that whatever its effects, they’re not in the worker’s interest.

Last year our mid-July paycheck was issued on July 18 and covered June 30. That would suggest this year’s scheduled July 17 check will also claim to cover days in the prior fiscal year.

What this means is that even though the furloughing is supposed to stop at the end of the fiscal year (June 30), we still get our pay docked in not one but TWO paychecks in the following month.

Meanwhile, we still have only eleven pay periods of days (22 weeks) that we will work in the current fiscal year. If we take a day off between July 1 and July 17, we’re taking it off in the next fiscal year. The only way we can squeeze 12 furlough days into eleven pay periods is to take two days in one pay period.

Actually, you’re allowed to take part days. So you could, in theory, divide one day in four and take 1.25 days off in four pay periods.

Isn’t that cute?


Illustration from Alice in Wonderland by John Tenniel

Be Sociable, Share!

Author: funny

This post may be a paid guest contribution.