Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

Human to Dog: Do not even THINK it…


Do not even think, DOG, of whatever it is you imagine you’re gonna do!

What we have here is one very sick little corgi, Cassie the agèd corgi, and one corgi that believes she is the Queen of the Universe (even though it is self-evident even to benighted humans that Cassie is the Queen of the Universe), and therefore, OUTTA MY WAY, YA CRAZY FOOLS!

Ohhhhh gawd, Dear Gawd, please spare your Humans ailing corgis and bossy corgis. At least, do not allow them to occupy any one of Your rooms at the same time.

Human to the Ruby: Let Cassie breathe in the steamer’s mist, because it’s good for her and will make her better.

Ruby to Human: We do not know or care what “good for her” means, because we are a Dog and we do not possess altruism.

Human to the Ruby: Ohhhh gawd! [Repeats prayer to Gawd of Humans, above, with verve.]


Cassie has come down with what the vet speculates to be some sort of bronchitis. Apparently it’s going around. The Human suspects it to be a viral infection picked up from Ruby, who acquired it first and quickly tossed it off.

Problem: Cassie is eight years older than Ruby.

You see the dilemma: Ruby is at the prime of her life,  as strong and as fierce and as wonderful and as outta my way ya crazy fools as she will ever be.

Cassie is elderly. In human years, she is about 69 or 70 years old. This would make her as elderly as the Human, which, while still vigorous, is best described as “past its expiration date.”

Called the vet. Described the issue. Underling said “come pick up these drugs.” These appear to be a) an antibiotic and b) a steroid.

Many errands were being run along with the trek across the city to the vet’s office. Shortening an excruciatingly long story, let us say it was somewhat after 1 p.m. before the Human stumbled back into the house.

These drugs are supposed to be given twice a day: once in the morning and once in the evening.

By the time the Human gets back to the Funny Farm, Cassie is choking and gagging and barely able to breathe. The Human decides to dose Cassie forthwith — late in early afternoon (what CAN one say?) and then to dose her again around bed-time, around 9 p.m. if we’re lucky.

This will much shorten the time between today’s putative doses.

The Human imagines this will amount to a kind of attenuated double dose, which the creature hopes will help, as the Cassie is in fairly desperate shape.

Meanwhile, the Gods of the Internet say that bronchitis-inflicted dogs benefit from a steamy shower (FAT EFFING CHANCE!!!!!)  or steamer, just as do ailing specimens of Homo sapiens, an odd creature, indeed.

SO…the Human fills and plugs in the steamer and aims it at Cassie’s favorite nest on the bed. Places Cassie in the direct flow of the steamer’s humid plume.

The Ruby demands to be Up. She stays up long enough to shove the Cassie out of the steamer plume’s way, then demands to be Down. The Human places the Ruby on the floor and continues trying to write this post.


The Ruby has one of her customary sh!t-fits.

The Cassie, freaked, now demands to get Down.

The human, 4/5 nekkid, heads for the front of the house.

It’s the neighbor’s cleaning lady, despatched to the Funny Farm to deposit said Neighbor’s key after a day of slaving, said Neighbor having left the premises.

Ruby, left to her own protective doggy devices, has gone freaking baths!t. By the time the Human and the Cassie arrive at the front door, Ruby has leapt atop the sofa’s side table, pushed its decorative contents onto the floor, and is prepared to LUNGE THROUGH THE DOOR the instant it is opened!!!!!!!

A-A-N-N-N-D….you wonder why the Human is given to drink?

Ohh welll! The barking frenzy this elicits from the Cassie does NOT cause paroxysms of canine coughing. First time today. This is good. Either said cleaning lady is not perceived by Cassie the Corgi as a threat (unlikely, given that a moth can be perceived as a threat…) or the dope I just whacked the dog with somehow managed to work.

Or else Gawd is feeling adequately amused and chooses to refrain from any more antics.

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Author: funny

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