Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

MORE Perp Hassle!

F’crying out loud, the ba*tards have sent me ANOTHER pair of subpoenas! Now they want me to show up in court at 8:00 a.m. on the 25th to testify about events of which I know nothing. Four days ago, they told me our hoodlums’ trial was vacated. Now it’s back on.

They’ve dropped the burglary charge, eliminating the only topic about which I can testify, and even in that event, I have little to say, because I never saw Mr. Avery‘s face — only the back of his head as the cops were dragging him, bruised and battered, to the paddy wagon. The other one, Mr. Mejia, never came anywhere near my house or me, as far as I know.

They have sent me eleven subpoenas! Each one threatens, alarmingly, to put me in jail if I don’t show up downtown to have my time pointlessly consumed.

They’re going after these two clowns for three counts (each) of armed robbery and nine counts of kidnapping and aggravated assault. I was not present when they stuck up the pawn shop, and, unless the county attorney’s office thinks cowering in some old lady’s garage is the same as kidnapping and assaulting her, I was not present at whatever happened to evince those charges.

This is starting to feel like more than a nuisance. Each of these subpoenas, one of which was delivered in person by a sheriff’s deputy, comes with an explicit threat to throw me in jail. Every one of them demands that I cancel whatever I have scheduled on the many days when they’ve called upon me to spend an unknown amount of time in a courtroom for no discernible useful purpose. If they drag me down there next week and the proceedings last more than a day, then it will interfere with a doctor’s appointment for the very painful condition I’ve been wrestling with for the past year. Assuming it’s once again continued, next month I’m supposed to go on a hike up the West Fork of Oak Creek, a one-time opportunity (also assuming I can walk that far by then…); I may have to cancel the trip if I get a subpoena for a day or two beforehand.

I guess whenever the sun comes up this morning, I’d better to call down to my ex-husband’s office and see if I can hire a lawyer to bring a stop to this.

Like I have nothing else to spend $200 an hour on…

Be Sociable, Share!

Author: funny

This post may be a paid guest contribution.


  1. $200 is a bargain!…Around here $250-300 is the going rate. IMHO this is all a tactic by the attorney (more than likely the Public Defenders Office) to help their clients. As time goes by witnesses move….people die….witnesses recollections become clouded. BUT on more occasions that I can count when the defendents see the people actually at Court that were violated or were a witness….they usually accept a plea. They already got the burglary charge dropped …a pretty serious charge with a fairly low thresh-hold for proof.

    • Not quite. It’s 5 p.m. Saturday and I just walked in the door to find two MORE flicking subpoenas, these ones for the burglary. Even though only one of the perps ended up cowering in my garage, they’re charging both of them. I have no idea which of them was in there because I never saw one of the guys and only saw the back of the other guy’s head. This is getting stupider and stupider.

  2. Will the saga never end? Holy cow.

    I had a friend who had an iPhone stolen, and amazingly the cops recovered it that day. But one actually advised her against pressing charges unless she had absolutely nothing she needed to do M-F 9-5, since it ends up being a huge headache. I guess this kind of drama is what the cop was referring to. Crazy.

    • If I had ANY idea this was going to turn into a ridiculous hassle that would disrupt my life and have the sheriff’s office sending what is now THIRTEEN threats to jail me, I would never have agreed to press charges against the Perp.

      Her cops were right. Given this experience, I’d say that unless you’re a target of violence and are at credible risk of further violence from someone who could be stopped only by being imprisoned, your best bet is to let it drop.

  3. That sounds terrible. Dealing with the gov’t and the legal system is a nightmare. I have no advice to offer, other than — stay strong and hang in there!!

  4. I know it is so unfair for you to have to spend this money but your personal safety and peace of mind is paramount here. I wish you all the best with this. It is not easy and on top of the scare and violation you have alredy been through.

  5. You can try to do some research regarding a “motion to quash subpoena” however I doubt it’ll do any good without a very valid excuse or explanation. At the very least it may get the ADA’s attention to leave you alone.

    I may be reading too much into it, but it seems like you and ex have a good relationship he may just draft papers for you.

    • I’ll check that out.

      Yes, it was as friendly a divorce as it’s possible for one to get. One could even suggest it was a rather stupid divorce…

      He felt there wasn’t much to be done about it; explained it as a function of the huge workload at the prosecutor’s office. He seemed to think this is pretty much routine SOP.