Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

Shots Fired…

Not at the Funny Farm, thank God. But down the street.

Up early this morning to get ready to take some friends out to breakfast. Very early: since I won’t eat restaurant breakfasts (especially when I’m trying to drop eight pounds…), I have to get something to eat before going out to eat. 😀 So the dogs and I are are sitting around reading the morning play-nooz headlines, the doors open to let the dogs out in back and to let the cool air and the mosquitoes in, when wap wap! Shots ring out.


Well, it was a ways off — probably on Main Drag East/West. Could even have been on the next arterial south of that — the night was quiet and the air still.

But it’s annoying. People take pot-shots at their fellow homicidal drivers on the city streets. It’s really not very safe to drive around near a gang-infested slum, a term that describes most of the territory west of Conduit of Blight Blvd.

Yesterday afternoon a cop helicopter buzzed the neighborhood at rooftop heights for a good forty minutes. They were mostly over La Maya and La Bethulia’s house.  So common are these events now that I couldn’t find even a passing mention of it on any of the news channels. The two women being out of town, I couldn’t get the dope from them, either.

And where are they? Yarnell, of course. Thence to spend several days in Sedona. {grump!}

Sometimes I think…really…I should sell this house and move to Yarnell or Prescott. Or at least to Fountain Hills.

But…my son is here, and the choir is here. My whole life is based in North Central Phoenix. Fountain Hills, a quiet tract just east of Scottsdale, is close enough to that tony tourist trap that one could drive into town for some expensive groceries and high-end clothing. But it’s surely too far from the church to commute in twice a week…and at my age, there’s NO way I’m driving way to hell and gone out to Fountain Hills at 9 p.m., after midweek choir practice.

Nor do I especially want to live an hour’s drive (when it’s not rush hour) away from my son.

Speaking of driving the homicidal streets, yesterday I washed Phryne for the first time. She’s easier to launder than the Dog Chariot, because she’s not as tall…but the job does still require one to climb up on a stepladder.

And speaking of Phryne LaVenza, lemme tellya about Toyota’s later-model six-banger. HOLEEEEE SH!T!

This thing behaves like the old, titanic Mercedes-Benz engine used to behave: the one designed for drag-racing on the Autobahn. In my ex-husband’s great old Mercedes, once you were at speed, you could just barely touch the gas pedal and the damn thing would shoot off like one of Werner von Braun’s wildest dreams.

Welp. Yesterday for the first time I got on the freeway in the Venza. Traffic was relatively light, it being not quite rush hour.

Mwa ha ha! At last, a chance to let her rip….

More or less: I didn’t even floor it. I just pressed the gas pedal down. The damn thing shot off like a rocket! From 55 mph, I’m sure you could hit 85 in 5 seconds. Maybe less.

So…though her shell is made of plastic that even the cheesiest pistol could penetrate, you could probably dodge the shitheads’ bullets if you knew someone was taking aim! Assuming no morons were blocking the way ahead of you. 😉

It’s quite a powerful engine. That, and of course the Venza is much lighter than the old Mercedes used to be. Those cars were made of metal. A fair amount of Phryne’s body will not hold a magnet. Some of it will. But a lot of it is just plastic. And the newer designs are a lot more streamlined than the old Benz was — I imagine it cuts through the air a lot more efficiently.

Hm. I have gotta take Phryne out on the open road and see what she really can do…


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Author: funny

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One Comment

  1. My “grand old lady” rental property is located in a neighborhood you describe. I’ll be down there working on her when “BAP…BAP…BAP”….scares the heck out of ya! And the residents act like it’s nothing….crazy….while I’m checking to see if I’ve taken a “hit”…
    Glad to hear you are lovin’ the new truck….