Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

Somewhere…Over the Yardarm, Way Up High…

The sun no doubt is over the yardarm where my FaceBook friend Cas lives: the Gold Coast of Australia. Hereabouts, it’s time for a late breakfast. The sausage is on the grill. The potatoes (yeah, i know) are frying in butter and oil (i know, i know already!), and the bourbon and water is at my side. Stop that askance-looking! It’s medicinal…

At quarter to seven, I was running late for the early-morning bidness networking meeting. I don’t like to eat in restaurants in general — especially not breakfast, since it’s so hard to find something to eat that’s not eggs, and especially not in this restaurant, where the food often leaves something to be desired. So sliced off a piece of roast chicken, which I gulped down on the run with a mug of coffee that slopped all over the car’s nice new(ish) upholstery as I was flying to Scottsdale.

Yes. Well. I’ve learned something: Remember back when the first CardioDoc, the one whose bullying personality led me to wish to wring his neck, informed me that the “heart palpitations” were actually anxiety attacks and if I would race around the park a few times a day, they’d disappear? He was right.

Turns out he was right in spades.

For the past several weeks, I’ve been going back and forth with New Cardiodoc, who is a very nice man in addition to being, as it develops, a well respected heart doctor. The start of this present interaction was an episode in which I nearly passed out as I was cruising across the city at 50 mph on a surface street.

He cannot find a damned thing wrong with me. It does not appear that the apparent presyncope (click on that one and you’ll see why the sh!t was scared out of me) was caused by an easily diagnosed cardiovascular issue. We speculate that it might have been a side-effect from the dose of pseudoephedrine I’d dropped that morning to clear a sinus headache, though the link is unclear.

Eventually I fell back on Young Dr. Kildare, whose signal characteristic is common sense.

Common sense, clearly, was what we needed.

He was unwilling to rule out a cardiovascular cause. He thought it was not old-lady vertigo (ears were cleaned out; head congestion seemed not to be severe), but he thought it probably was not life-threatening. He recommended not giving up on the cardiologist, yet he also suspected, along with the first CardioDoc, that the origin could be anxiety.

So, I was generally miserable about this, and on a subliminal level scared shitless, until…oh yes, until Election Day.

More to the point, until the day after Election Day.

The ultimate horror happened: the President of the United States is now not a jaded politico but an orange-haired misogynistic, racist, blustering, lying, bullying Bozo with no more clue how to run the most powerful nation in the world than he showed in running several businesses into the ground, one of which was manifestly fraudulent.

The day after Election day, the palpitations and the lightheadedness came to a complete, total, peaceful stop. No, none, zero-point-zero-zero manifestations.

Meanwhile, several people — real-world friends and FB friends — remarked that they’d been having anxiety attacks over the  gawdawful election.

{anxiety attacks?}
{palpitations?}
{light-headness?}
{seriously???}

And the day before the election, this amazing episode occurred.

YDK, thinking that maybe the issue could be allergic head congestion, phoned in a prescription for an antihistamine nasal spray. The pharmacy nearest to my house — a Walgreen’s that I like to habituate because it has practically no business and so waits are minimal — is in a colorful district. When I get up to the pharmacy counter, I find a bum (hey! With the Trumpites in power, now we’re allowed to call a bum a one-syllable bum, not an eight-syllable “homeless mentally ill person”) harassing the staff in a very aggressive way.

Okay, let’s get un-PC: in a threatening way.

He demanded that they fork over an addictive pain-killer. They refused to do so, since he didn’t have a current prescription. He carried on at some length, growing more and more aggressive. They finally cut off the argument by shutting and locking a door between themselves and the bum.

He staggered off into the store, and one of the staff asked me what I wanted, then explained that my insurance refused to cover it. I picked up, with the pharmacist’s advice, an OTC substitute.

At the cash register near the front door, I ask the clerk if the bum had left.

He says, “I’ll walk you out to your car.”

A lady is standing behind me with an armful of loot she wishes to purchase. I say, “No, you shouldn’t do that: you have customers you need to attend to.”

She now says, “I’ll walk out with you.”

This sounds good, so I wait till she’s bought her stuff, and we new-made friends venture into the parking lot.

We can’t see the bum anywhere, so I peel off and head for my car. She proceeds along the front of the store toward the neighborhood street just south of the little strip shopping center, headed for her apartment.

As I reach my car, I look back and see that the bum and a friend of his — another seedy-looking, filthy guy — were hiding out of view and have accosted the woman.

I jump in my car and drive over to her. By the time I get there, she’s put up quite a ruckus, and by sheer nerve and a loud voice has caused them to stand down.

Now I ask if she’d like me to drive her home. She says thanks, but no: she thinks she should walk.

She comes over to the car to chat. She needs to walk home, she says, because she’s been having anxiety attacks! over the election. And, oh God, what in the name of heaven will happen to us if Donald Trump doesn’t win?

heh heh heh heh heh

What, indeed?

So thank you, God, for whapping me upside the head.

* * * Back to this morning***

My favorite networking group is probably the only business group in Arizona whose membership consists of a bunch of wild-eyed liberals. It’s hard to find a business man or woman anywhere who’s a wild-eyed liberal, but in Arizona it’s almost impossible.

After two hours of listening to nonstop pissing and moaning, I was already out of sorts when I got in the car to head back into Phoenix. About the time I reached 16th Street — two-thirds of the way home — the heart started to pound and the head started to spin. I had to pull off into a neighborhood, stop, and sit there until the episode passed, which shortly it did.

* * *

By the time I got home, somewhat after 9 a.m., I was effing starved. So I threw a package of lovely pork sausages on the grill, tossed a fistful of frozen waffle potatoes into some hot butter and oil, and poured a bourbon and water. Hence, this post. And hence, an insight:

America, my friends, is having one huge communal anxiety attack.

If we’re lucky, it will pass.

If we’re not, it won’t.

If we’re screwed one way or another (which we may be; yes, we may very well be), that, too, will pass.

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Author: funny

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4 Comments

  1. People are getting so worked up over this election. I just can’t. Yes, I have my opinions but as far as getting all worked up one way or another on who wins, I got that out of my system. Between ’94 – ’04 I spent virtually every election with a good friend of mine and we either celebrated or bemoaned the results with great luster. Then we sort of stopped being friends due to some outside circumstances, and so the parties and the ‘importance’ just sort of went away. And I realized…that was completely cool because there were more important things to get that excited about. We can do our part to vote and to support what we believe, but as far as letting it control my life or letting it cost me relationships with friends and family, I won’t do it.

  2. I dunno. This election seems to have bigger stakes than others. Trump is not a politician. He’s not even a real businessman. IMHO he’s extremely dangerous — along the lines that Adolf Hitler was dangerous — and he represents a dark and dangerous way of thinking. We have enough evil in this world without putting someone who is openly evil and who panders to the public’s worst instincts into the White House.

    Since I have no daughter and no grand-daughter or daughter-in-law (women’s reproductive freedom, I think, will be one of the most prominent targets these people take aim at), and since I’m not visibly a member of a racial or ethnic minority, my biggest concern is the effect the man and his ignoramus supporters will have on the U.S. and the world economy.

    Let us remember the outcome of voo-doo economics that we saw at the end of Bush Junior’s regime. It’s taken the country eight years to recover from that. And even that recovery may be a little shaky.

    His plan to blindly deconstruct the federal government is incredibly stupid. You realize, he’s said that he intends to put a hiring freeze on ALL federal jobs. That alone could and probably will lead to a recession. You understand how many businesses, small and large, do business with the US government — and how many Americans those companies employ. That will put members of his constituency — blue-collar workers and low-end white-collar workers — out of jobs real quick. Janitors and landscapers, plumbers and electricians, carpenters and carpet installers and window-cleaners, roofers and tilers and cement-layers and painters and road builders and tractor drivers and computer repairmen and computer suppliers and on and on. If you have a skill, the government can employ you.

    These are not employees of the US government who will lose their jobs. They’re employees and owners of US businesses who provide services on a contract basis. My own business has contracted with BLM,. We came close to landing a contract with NASA and another for a job for Annapolis. If you’ve ever owned a small business, you know that the federal government represents a valuable customer. When you put put federal agencies out of business, you put hundreds of thousands of Americans who are NOT GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES out of work. And that says nothing of all the actual federal employees who will find themselves out of work and out of luck.

    Mr. Trump proposes that before any new federal regulation is enacted, two others must be canceled.

    He proposes to cut taxes for everyone, but especially the highest-earning among us.

    He proposes to replace health insurance with HSAs (know how much ONE mastectomy costs? And how long it would take you to save up that much? And surprise: most women come with two boobs! That would be your wife, your mom, your daughter…maybe, if you happen to be the wrong gender, YOU…)

    He proposes to remove safety, health, and environmental regulation on shale, oil, natural gas, and coal production.

    These are just a few of the things he has formally announced he will do in the first 100 days he’s in office.

    Don’t believe me? Check it out: http://www.npr.org/2016/11/09/501451368/here-is-what-donald-trump-wants-to-do-in-his-first-100-days

    • Yep, I am in complete agreement.

      People who have only recently earned the rights we take for granted as hetero white people will suffer. I fear for my niece and nephew. They have race on their side, but that’s cold comfort.