Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

The Backwards, Upside-Down Cold

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It’s three in the afternoon and suddenly, out of the blue the swampy nose is drying up and I’m starting to feel almost like living…after a whole week of the most bizarre cold I’ve met in a long time. It looks like the thing may be about to retreat as quickly as it struck.

It started about mid-morning exactly seven days ago. Until about 6:00 p.m. last Sunday, I’d have sworn it was an allergy. In 72 years of hosting viruses and bacteria, I have never had a respiratory infection that didn’t start with a sore throat, followed by a blocked nose, followed by a racking cough.

This bug started with the cough. By about 8 o’clock Sunday evening it had risen to the level of “racking.” But there was never a sore throat. The nose didn’t start to run with a vengeance for another couple of days, and even then the head was never especially stuffy. I just started coughing. And kept on coughing, for seven long days and nights.

Really, REALLY coughing. Heavily coughing. Interminably coughing.

I’d about decided that if the cough isn’t better by tomorrow, I’ll be forced to call Young Dr. Kildare.  Won’t he be thrilled, after all, to welcome a walking nexus of contagion to his tidy, peaceful office? Arrrghhh!

But all of a sudden — just as suddenly as it began — this afternoon the thing seems to be lifting.

If you have recourse to the Hypochondriac’s Treasure Chest and google “cold that starts with cough,” you find…almost nothin’!

One site stokes your neuroses by informing you that a cough commencing out of the blue may be caused by GERD, whereinat stomach acid bubbles up while you’re sleeping and flows down into your lungs.

Isn’t that…comforting?

Is it, the site asks, a wet, productive cough?

Gaaaahhhh! Clearly it’s PNEUMONIC PLAGUE combined with SHINGLES and SMALLPOX, with a touch of YELLOW FEVER. I’m doomed and done for.

Well, it doesn’t do any good to worry about it: we’re dead anyway. So it’s good-bye to our friends on the Internet and on to. . .doing the laundry.

Speed Queen. Nothing like a Speed Queen to improve your mood. 😉

What’s your experience with bizarre minor ailments? Have you had this spring’s epizootic?

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Author: funny

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4 Comments

  1. I’m glad that you’re doing better. I haven’t kept up with the blog this past week since work has been so busy.

    I had a really bad cold that struck out of the blue about a month ago. It started with chills and aches, as well as stuffiness and sneezing. I don’t usually get chills and aches with a cold so I was worried it was the flu.

    I actually got a doctor’s appointment same day so I could get a flu swab done because if you do have the flu and start the anti-virals within 48 hours you can shorten the duration and the symptoms are supposed to be less horrible.

    It wasn’t the flu. I’m glad for that, but the thing devastated me for a solid week. I didn’t have any coughing, but I did run a low fever and kept getting those chills. (I’m another “cold fish” and my normal temp is just under 98, so any temp around 100 is a lot for me.)

    Oh, also the flu swab cost me $128. *With* insurance. The insurance was originally billed over $700 for the test. Really. My share was so high because I hadn’t met my $100 out of pocket for the year yet, I guess. Seeing the doctor was a $25 co-pay, but that doesn’t count, I guess.

    Next time you’re sick, you should call your son and have him bring you some soup and supplies. I know you try not to pester him, but that’s what family and friends are supposed to be for: helping you when you need it. 🙂

    • A hundred and twenty eight dollah to say, “well, yeah, uh huh, yup-yup-yup: you’re sick”???? Arrrrghhhhhhhhh!

      People around here who have had this thing before it came my way have complained that it’s one of the worst respiratory infections they’ve ever had. And those who have seen docs have said they were told it wasn’t the flu.

      How you could know without the $128 gouge, though, escapes me.

      Y’know, what I think I’ll stock in is some of those packages of bean soup mix — with the beans & lentils & stuff. In the remote past I’ve made those things up and found them pretty good. The big issue is having some chicken or beef broth on hand. Definitely will revisit Sprouts for that stuff — and also keep a couple cardboard boxes of it on hand. If you just kept some of those in the cupboard at all times, it would be very easy to mix up some reasonably hearty soup that would get you through a couple of days.

  2. A week ago, out of the blue, when just arriving in your desert heat, I get a dilly of a head cold. Body aches and clogged head. Goody, just in time for my warm weather vacation. Was sick the whole week. Ear started to hurt and swell and lost hearing. Went to Minute Clinic and find out I have an ear infection. Started on antibiotics, flo-nase and Advil (generic) cold and sinus. Everything they told me to do. Now, back at home and a week later, still can’t hear out of my plugged ear. I have had many colds in all my years, but never along with an ear infection. One morning I woke up with it bleeding. Sure wrecked my vacation in the warm sun. Nurse says it just takes a while for the antibiotics to work. Normally I’m a healthy person. Timing stunk.

    • Ohhhhh horridness!!!!! I’m so sorry that happened.

      Wow, I’ve never had an ear infection bleed. That must have been a gratifying experience… :-/ But have had plugged ears off and on. The nasal part of this thing has not been bad, but the cough? Good gawd!