Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

Weekend Frenzies

It’s gonna be a very busy weekend. And a lot of fun, one expects.

Down at the church, a lively and much beloved minister is getting married this weekend…to one of the choir members. With a beautiful tenor voice and a noticeable understanding of classical singing, he’s on the chamber choir. (Yes, Virginia: Episcopalians, despite being a dime short of RC, do ordain women priests!) Well, naturally we’re all excited about singing at their wedding…which will take place during the beautiful Evensong service…complete with bagpipes and kilts!

It is going to be a grand party. Over 400 people are expected.

As for me: I have nothing to wear. My only decent skirt is black, not something one can wear to a wedding. This would be the disadvantage of living in Costco jeans… 😉

I dropped by Nordstrom’s Rack yesterday. They had exactly NOTHING. Far as I could tell, the only skirt in the entire store was an ugly straight, short burgundy-red corduroy item. Better the jeans than that thing…

This afternoon I’ll be on the far west side for the monthly meeting of our writers’ group. It should break up early enough that I could go by my favorite shop in Old Glendale, the Garden Shop. It has wonderful, unique clothes — some of them made in the US. They’re kind of expensive, but you really can’t lose with that place.

But…except…yeah: what you lose is a ton of cash out of your budget…

So I tried on a very old, once very pretty hippy-dippy outfit that I got long, long ago in Tucson, while I was still married. I think it may even have been before my son was born.

It’s still pretty enough. But it wants to highlight the paunch. That’s the first thing you see when you look at me in said outfit. The elastic in the waist — which I believe I’ve changed out once or twice — is shot, so I have to pin the skirt on both sides to make it stay up. That would be OK, because the long, flowing top covers the waist…but…not the paunch.

Lo! What should I find in the closet but a shirtwaist-style dress with a loose, billowy skirt that does disguise the paunch. It looks OK with the flat chest, and it looks just fine with a pair of knitted knockers pinned into a cami.

Trouble is, it’s Army green. Not exactly festive. So I’m standing there thinking…well…if I put enough jewelry on, I could get away with it. Fortunately I’m old, so most people can’t see me. Old people by and large are invisible, unless we’re making some kind of a fuss.

Then I remembered that a year or so ago I’d bought a hand-screened silk scarf at the Garden Shop, and it has a lot of green in it. Dig it out of the closet, swing it around my neck Isadora Duncan-style, and voila! It works.

The dress is sleeveless, which means I’ll be cold walking in from the car (it’s about to rain today and probably will be chilly all day tomorrow). But that’s good, because with 400 people in the church, it is going to be freaking hot in the choir loft. Especially under a robe and surplice.

In 20 minutes I have to drive across the Valley to the monthly meeting of the writer’s group I took up with.

I’ve developed quite the flinch reflex about that. It was on the way out there — a 40-minute drive — that I had the fainting spell that scared me back to the cardiologist’s precincts…and that could’ve killed me and one of my fellow lunatic drivers. And it was on the way back — same trip — that the Dog Chariot died in the middle of the intersection and I spent 5 hours waiting for the tow truck to show up…about three of them in the company of a pair of tweaking drug addicts.

Really, the meeting place is just on the far a very bad part of town — everything west of 19th Avenue out to Sun City and Waddell is questionable. And I don’t like to drive through those districts. New car and automatically locking doors notwithstanding. Now that it’s been brought forcefully to my attention that I could get stuck for hours in unpleasant circumstances, I like driving out there even less.

BUT… I do enjoy those people. They’re very nice, and it’s an exceptionally good amateur scribblers’ groups (most are pretty ludicrous). And one of my friends shows up to every meeting, so I do enjoy seeing him.

test-2-smoking-cover-lo-resAnd…this next book I’m about to emit is something that WILL sell to that audience. It’s a natural for them.

In fact, today they’re critiquing cover copy of members’ books. So I’m taking something I tossed together yesterday to get their feedback. Whilst having it copied, it occurred to me to put the table of contents on the back side of the copy: Instant ad!

What I really should do is join a group here in town or in Scottsdale. It would be closer and probably would have a larger membership.

But then what? Am I going to abandon all my new pals out on the West Side?

Likely not. Then I’d have yet another meeting to have to go to.

Which probably would be a good thing. Really. I need to get out of the garret. I spend way, way, way too much time in the company of dogs. And myself.

Four minutes to blast-off. No time to proofread this thing: my apologies for the usual flood of typos! And a happy, well-dressed, entertaining weekend to you!



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Author: funny

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  1. Funny, this isn’t related to this article, but do you still love your Speed Queen washer? Because of you and from what I’ve read, I’m seriously considering replacing my HE piece of crap with a Speed Queen. But you’re the only person I ‘m aware of that has one. Thank you in advance for your reply.

  2. Yeah, I surely do! Just used it today and thought…WOW!

    Having lollygagged for the past 10 days or two weeks, I had a gigantic mound of colored clothes to do, including several pairs of jeans, towels, more T-shirts athan Carter has oats…augh!

    Stuffed the thing with the largest load of laundry in recent memory;’ set it to “Xtra large,” and darned if it didn’t fill with enough water to actually SUBMERGE the entire vast pile. The cycle ran in about a half hour and the clothes came out clean. As in CLEAN clean.

    Of interest: you can still use HE detergent if you like — no need to revert to the old stuff. For most loads, you only need about a tablespoon of the stuff.

    I’m thrilled with it.

  3. Hope the wedding was a blast! I shudder at invitations to EVENTS these days because I’m firmly in the throes of “nothing fits, not even a little bit” and I only get away with it because I rarely need to be seen at work. Not that I’d be noticed, really, either, all the focus is on the kid which is helpful 🙂

    • It was gorgeous! They’re in to Things Scottish, so the groom and best man wore kilts — very handsome! The bride was drop-down dead beautiful in a traditional white wedding gown. Since usually see her in priestly vestments and she’s a pretty down-to-earth person, this new version of her was really spectacular.

      And of course we had bagpipes. Everybody and her little brother and sister (so it seemed…and very probably actually so) processed up the center aisle to the prettiest bagpipe air. Did you know bagpipes can actually make a _pretty_ sound???

      To my astonishment, somebody actually emitted a compliment on the Army-green shroud..uhm, dress. I think they thought the scarf, which i was using as a sort of shawl, came with it. So that made me feel slightly less unworthy.

      After the wonderful ceremony, the entire company of 450 people or so marched over to the school’s cafeteria/assembly hall behind the pipers, for the reception.

      So…yes. It was a very delightful shindig.

  4. Now if Speed Queen only made a dishwasher….

    • I wish!!! I can’t complain about my Bosch (much), except for the outrageous price. Like the damn HE washers, it takes for-freaking-ever to run a load of dishes, but it’s quiet enough that you don’t notice. And I discovered that changing detergents resolves the cleaning problems — it now will even wash the silver without tarnishing it, just like the old washer did with the old accustomed detergent.

  5. Thank you for your reply. I looked back through your blog and I couldn’t find which model you got. Do you remember? There is a store here in my town that sells them. Until I go look at them, I have no idea which one would be a good fit for us.