Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

Ant Wars: The Battle of the Butter Dish!

The Ondt Queen is back!

🙂 This morning come 5 a.m., her minions were swarming the kitchen counter, joyously singing their Ondt Battle Song:

As we go marching, marching
In the buggy of the day,
A thousand counters greasy,
A hundred dishwashers left off,
Are touched with all the glory
That a kitchen light discloses.
Bread and butter
Bread and butterrrrr….

LOL! The little gals are beside themselves with buggy joy. I left the butter dish out on the counter after my friends went home. I don’t ordinarily eat bread and butter, and so when cleaning up after dinner didn’t even register the presence of the butter dish…or rather, that it was loaded with Ondt Bait.

Ants are strange and marvelous little creatures, like a thousand discrete brain cells trotting around independently yet somehow mysteriously in touch. Collectively, their dietary needs shift. Sometimes they crave carbs — preferably sugar from your kitchen. At other times, the hive needs oil. Butter will do nicely, thank you very much. They were pleased, very pleased.

The human, ambushing the Ondt Queen’s troops by dawn, deployed chemical warfare: sprayed them all with home-made glass cleaner (rubbing alcohol + water + ammonia). This dispatches the little gals on contact. But when you have hundreds of them swarming around, a lot of contact must be made.

Ran a line of diatomaceous earth along the kitchen door threshold, where I could see them entering through a crack or two.

Ants do not like DE, but they can learn to tolerate it enough two walk through a line of it. Supposedly when they get it on their exoskeletons, the tiny sharp grains cut through like glass, exposing the insect to eventual desication. Do they take it back to the hive and contaminate their sisters? Unknown. Folklore says so, but…

By this evening they were distinctly not done in. When I went out to get a glass of tea, a whole new division of Ondt Warriors was bivouacked on the counter, even though there was nothing (that I could see) for them to eat. Removed everything from the counter, sprayed again, scrubbed down the kitchen counter and sinks, turned the dishwasher to the steam-blast ultrasanitize cycle, and laid down some more DE.

If they’re not gone tomorrow, I’ll have to go out and buy some ant baits, which effectively do them in.

I hate to kill the ants. They’re very effective janitors. The other day I found them out by the pool equipment, carrying off the corpses of the revolting worms that live in the palm trees. These unlovely creatures fall into the drink and then collect in the pool’s skimmer basket and pump pot filters, where they become entangled disgustingly in the mesh. Easiest way to get rid of The Deceased is to have more than one filter. Drop a clean filter in and leave a full filter sitting out in the heat. Et voilà! the debris — and worms — will dry up and then you can just shake the stuff out. Otherwise, you have to scrub it out with a hose sprayer and a brush.

But no. The other day the ants were carrying the dead worms away. 🙂 No clean-up.

If they’d just stay on their side of the battlefield…uhm, property, we’d all be fine. Détente! But I can’t have them taking over the kitchen counters. They do bite. And…well, the sight of a kitchen counter undulating is a bit disturbing. 😀 Especially at five in the morning.

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Author: funny

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