Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

Funny’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

  1. I get up at 5:20 a.m. Things seem ok but I have a headache. I’ve laid awake for quite some time: possibly as long as two hours.
  2. Bang around trying to get dressed and feed the dogs and fix coffee and bolt down breakfast in time to leave the house early for my 7:15 a.m. meeting, because I forgot to get gas yesterday.
  3. I leave around 6:30. Main Drag South-East-West is all blocked up with construction that has gone on for months. No exaggeration.
  4. I get to the QT station, with considerable but not world-ending hassle.
  5. I can’t find my credit card.
  6. I try my business card. The gas pump GLOMS ONTO it! With considerable struggle and cursing, I force my card out of the machine.
  7. Decide it’s too far to drive all the way to Costco’s gas station in the rush-hour traffic, then make my way across the city to Lincoln Drive & Scottsdale Road: by the time I get to the meeting, it’ll be over.
  8. Drive home. I email members that I’m not coming to the meeting. I search through my wallet several more times and also search desktops and tabletops in the house. It appears I’ve lost my personal AMEX card.
  9. Call AMEX using the number on the back of my corporate card and have a very difficult time getting through. Again I encounter the crazy thing where they try to scam or deflect you with some sort of survey/contest. It’s the 3rd time this has happened. (Later I dial the number again and it goes through; I figure I must be misdialling and getting this scam, consistently.)
  10. Dig out a statement, call a number on that, and finally reach a human being. I change out the AMEX card, which will be a huge hassle. I tell him about the incident at the gas station. He proposes to change the business card, too. We don’t think this is a sign of a credit-card reader, but we don’t know.
  11. I fail to consider that this is going to cause horrific hassle because of all the autopays on the business card. It’s going to take upwards of an hour to change all the autopays, whenever the new card gets here.
  12. I take the dogs for a walk. As we pass the end of the alley behind the house, I see the garbage guys have dumped not one but two of the four-household garbage bins all over the alley. They’ve left one of the huge bins flopped over on its side. This pisses me off, because a) I know that in wealthier neighborhoods they clean up messes like this — because I’ve spoken to a driver in one of said Richistani neighborhoods, who told me they’re required to pick up stuff that falls on the ground; and b) the last time our guys left trash strewn all over the street, I called the city trash collection department and was told their truck drivers are not allowed to get out of their trucks. Obviously, if you live in an HOA full of million-dollar homes, you get your trash picked up; the proles, though, can go fish.
  13. Back at the house, I call New York Review of Books, which has been dunning me to re-subscribe despite the fact that a $150 check for two years of weekly delivery has cleared the credit union; that check, it develops, was not endorsed. Discover the questioned funds have in fact been received by NYRB. Getting through requires a frustrating, time-wasting, annoying hoop-jump.
  14. I shoot off an email to our district councilwoman complaining about the garbage dumped all over the alley.
  15. While I’m farting with this, the front door is open. I hear the sprinklers come on and then hear a broken sprinklerhead geysering. Run out and shut off the water, but not before a small lake collects in the courtyard. I’m infuriated: I’ve lost count of the number of repairs we’ve had to do on the system, which clearly is failing.
  16. I call Gerardo and leave word on his machine.
  17. Decide I’d better apply for a Visa card through the credit union, so as to have a backup to the AMEX card and to be able to buy things at Costco with less hassle. I call up the application on the CU’s website but cannot get the Visa application to accept my name. I don’t seem to be able to fill out the form correctly: it keeps demanding that I enter my name. After several tries at entering my name every which way from Sunday, I give up.
  18. The e-book designer calls. I’m pretty distracted and upset by now and really would like to be left alone. He has several ditzy questions about a manuscript, requiring me to load a 14 megabyte document to Word. Finally get off the phone from him.
  19. Drive to Costco, get gasoline uneventfully, using a previously purchased cash card. Farting around there, I find the lost personal AMEX card, behind my Costco card, where I’ve never ever put it before and would not in my right mind ever think of putting it. So all of the AMEX shit has been forfuckingnaught.
  20. Out of food, I drive  from Costco to AJs; attempt to buy some groceries on my debit card. Cashier asks me to enter PIN. It won’t accept my PIN. I try several times and end up having to write a check.
  21. I drive home. I miss my turn on Central and have to negotiate blocked lanes on Main Drag South-East-West to get into the ’hood. By now my head is pounding.
  22. I call the client, who’s been nagging me to call him, and tell him to call me back because it’s a long-distance toll for me. He argues. I explain I’m trying to live on Social Security and he gives up. He calls me back. While we’re dorking around, he points out that several unchanged passages are marked as edits. I had not noticed that, mostly because I gave his copy just a cursory look on the final go-through. It occurs in two places, in both cases after I’ve entered extended discussions of stylistic matters. Apparently something about entering new copy is altering the paragraph or two after the inserted paragraphs.
  23. While I’m screwing with this, Word crashes. I freak out: this is the last straw! I start to cry. Word recovers his two files and the 14 mb file in production with relatively little loss of data, but I’m now unnerved. I can NOT believe this stuff is happening!
  24. I fix a large meal – salmon w/ tomato sauce, steamed chard, grilled corn on the cob – and pour a bourbon and water. This causes the headache to ease up. I figure if some is good, more must be better. I pour a second bourbon and water.
  25. Gerardo shows up to repair the plumbing. After two hefty doses of Maker’s Mark, I’m not competent to be dealing with much of anything. He fixes the broken sprinkler head but then finds another length of split PVC. His guys dig up the courtyard paving to fix that. He only charges me 50 bucks…I figure it’s because he knows sooner or later he’ll be building a whole new system front and back, which will more than reward him for his beneficence.
  26. I go to bed around 2 p.m. Lay there unable to sleep for an hour.
  27. Get up and call the credit union. Reach a human. Explain that I want to open a credit card but can’t make the website work. He enters the data; I explain as to how I had to put a freeze on all my credit bureau accounts thanks to the Maricopa County Community College District kindly giving hackers my name, date of birth, Social Security number, address, entire work history, entire educational history, a list of every college course I’ve ever taken, my phone number, my e-mail address, my bank routing number, and my bank account number. Since the credit union caters to state, city, and county employees, none of this is news to him.
  28. Fart around with getting Experian to lift the credit freeze. The woman there says the lift will occur in 15 to 30 minutes and be in effect until 11 p.m. tomorrow. Now cannot reach “Tyler” at the credit union, whose direct line rings through to a voicemail. Clearly this is going to develop into a much larger hassle.
  29. Tyler calls back at 5 p.m. The credit freeze is not lifted. He’s going to try again at 8 a.m., so this is a hassle that will extend over two days, bare minimum.
  30. It is 5:57 p.m. The dogs want to be fed. My head still hurts.

Author: funny

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2 Comments

  1. I recently applied for a HELOC, since the best time to apply for one is when you don’t need it . I also have placed a precautionary freeze on my accounts at each of the 3 credit bureaus – so I ran into the same issue with the credit union wanting to pull a credit report.

    Experian offers the option of generating a PIN that you can give to a single company – they input the PIN when they pull your credit report – it authorizes them to do it, without having to lift the freeze even temporarily. The PIN is only valid for one company to use – but you can generate as many as you need.

    • Yeah, they did that when I opened the non-Costco AMEX cards. I may have to try it again tomorrow or Monday if young Tyler can’t get through. He probably just hasn’t been around long enough to know about the one-time-use PIN.