$$ Flying Out the Window (and back in…)

Quiet around here just now. The only drama playing these days at the Funny Farm is the perennial Battle of the Checkbook. Lordie! I’ve spent so much money this month that I’ve lost count, and am about to spend some more, on glasses!

About eleven grand remained in the bank at the end of 2013. Of that, $7,700 will have to go to 2014’s property tax, house insurance, car insurance, and Medigap coverage. For 2014, instead of doling out savings in quarterly chunks as I did last year, I decided to draw down enough to cover the entire year’s needs in one swell foop. Figuring on teaching only two sections this year, English-major math suggests I’ll need about 15 grand from savings to supplement Social Security and the minimum-wage adjunct income. I hope.

So: bye-bye Vanguard fund!

Hello cash.

Meanwhile, since I made that calculation I picked up two other community college sections. So far, this spring’s magazine-writing course has only six students — Heavenly Gardens classes make at ten or twelve — but another eight weeks of registration remain for that section, so there’s a good chance it’ll pick up another few. The other extra course is a summer Eng. 102 section, which of course will be packed. So even if neither this spring’s nor next fall’s magazine-writing things makes, I’ll still end up with two sections. Every maga-writing course, then, is pure gravy.

At any rate, with all that booty in the account, for the nonce there’s enough money to cover the current costs.

BUT…the current costs are gonna have to be reined in! Every time I turn around, here’s another $125 or $150 bill. Though I got a smokin’ deal on the clothes I picked up on the latest run to My Sister’s Closet, for example (three very nice shirts, one of them still bearing its Chico’s price tag, a pair of Brooks Brothers slacks, a Dana Buchman skirt, a pair of Eileen Fisher slacks…not bad), it still was $138. I’ve gone out to eat a couple of times, had to stock up on groceries and dog meat, had to pay $50 for the vision assessment part of the late, great ophthalmalogical adventure, and on and on and endlessly on.

So, even though I haven’t calculated the damage to the penny, I know very well that I’ve way overspent this month’s budget. The extra teaching income should cover shortfalls like this, but…gosh, I sure do hate spending money I haven’t earned yet!

Yesterday I put my contact lenses in — haven’t worn them in forever, mostly because contacts are a nuisance. Especially when you’re swimming a lot, as I did this summer as part of the weight-loss campaign. As usual, I can see SO much better through contacts! Even when my glasses aren’t old and scratched, as they are now, contacts really open up the world.

So now that I have a prescription, I’m going down to the Contact Lady to buy a ton of the things (worn every day, one pair lasts three or four weeks). At the end of the year, I’ll buy another lifetime supply, by way of putting off having to pony up another 50 or 60 bucks for another pointless eye exam.

That notwithstanding, I need at least two new pairs of glasses: a new pair for distance and a new pair of progressives. I actually need a third pair: distance shades, since like the regular progressives, the distance progressive shades are pretty ridiculous, but if push comes to shove I can get by with the progressive shades. And right now I’m getting by OK with the up-close glasses. WhatEVER happened to my eye the other day finally seems to be settling down, and I can see through the close-up prescription almost as well as before.

The distance glasses: not so much. The progressives are even more annoying than before — apparently some sort of permanent damage occurred in the right eye, no matter what the doctor imagines. It’s so smoggy here right now that it’s hard to tell, but still: no question the haze is thicker when viewed through the right eye than through the left.

I should drive up to Yarnell, where the air is cleaner, and take a look into the crystalline distance. That way I’d be able to tell a little better just how much new impairment is really there.

At any rate:

• Indispensable: New clear progressive lenses
• Indispensable: New clear single-vision distance lenses (which may require new frames)

• Needed: New single-vision distance shades (which probably will require new frames)

The guys down at the eyeglasses shop can replace the existing prescription with new lenses in existing glasses frames. They definitely will be able to do that for the clear progressives. I lost my beloved pair of extra-strong distance shades some months ago, but I have several pairs of old — very old — metal frames around the house. (heh! NEVER throw out an old pair of glasses!) So I’m gonna ask if they’ll put new clear distance lenses and new distance sunglass lenses in those frames. If not, then it’s off to Costco for those two pairs.

Yeah, I know: order them online. Maybe. I’ll have to extract the pupillary distance from the quack’s office, adding another layer of hassle to my life, as if I didn’t have enough hassle. I think I’d rather pay a little extra at Costco for only slightly marked-up frames than dork around with trying to extract usable ultra-cheap glasses from the Internet.

Damn. Starting the year with a big expense — when you’ve cashed out a mutual fund to live on for the year — is not very pleasing.

Sure do hope all four sections make this year…

Image: Conrad von Soest. The Glasses Apostle. 1403. Public Domain.