Amusing traits and tricks of dotage…
* You put things “away”…and before you know it, you can’t remember where “away” is.
* You make a marvelous pot of coffee…and then forget you have a coffeepot sitting on the counter.
* You don’t know what time it is…partly because you no longer reckon the time of day by the sun’s position, and partly because you don’t care.
* You forget you told a friend you’d meet them…uhmmm…uhhh…wherEVER…
* You can’t find your purse…and you NEED something it contains.
* You bang and crash around, searching room after room and space after space.
* After you give up, you come across the purse…but it doesn’t contain what you needed to find it for.
* You do find your driver’s license, whose loss you’ve silently concealed because you’ve been afraid to ‘fess up that you lost it.
* You find the four (4!!!!) purses that lately have disappeared from the scene. OH JOY!!!!
* But…uhmmm…. Where is the stuff that’s supposed to be in those purses?
* None of the purses are flopped on the car’s seats. But…but…why are FOUR yellow pads and THREE pens sitting there?
* Searching for the missing purses, you find a metal credit-card case that you had not yet realized was lost. Well…joy! One less scare to clutter your afternoon.
* You hear water humming away outside. NOW what? Get up to explore and discover the water hose you left running to top off the swimming pool FAILED TO SWITCH OFF.
* As you RUN outside to turn off the spigot, you realize the water level is about two inches below the surface of the deck. Ohhhhhh well…at least it’ll be awhile before you have to refill the pool again. /eyeroll/
*At this point it occurs to you that you want, more than anything, a bourbon & water.
* And at the next point, you realize your worried son has (sanctimoniously!!!!) snabbed all the whiskey and all the wine. Nary a drop in the house to defrazzle your nerves.
* One thing you DO need in your dotage is defrazzling! Regular defrazzling…
* Cop helicopter flying low over your yard does exactly nothing to defrazzle.
* You trot inside and lock the doors.
* The water bill and the Cox bill arrive in the mail. Most of your regular bills are autopaid…but some are not. Trouble is, you no longer can recall which is which. Now you’ll have to drag out file folders or traipse to the credit union to figure out if either of these must be manually paid.
* Next question: Where can you hide the bourbon where the kid won’t find it?
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
And that, my friends, is why old age is not for the young or the faint of heart……