Folks, have I got a treat for you! Friend of mine is a truck driver. Her company is based in Minnesota, but she does long hauls all across the country, accompanied by her Weimeraner, Silver. As you can imagine, this lady has got STORIES. Recently she started tapping them out on her iPhone and posting them to Facebook for friends and family. The latter have urged her to start a blog, but the logistics of attaching a computer to the Internet and figuring out how to use WordPress while on the road are more than she wishes to contemplate. Hence, I volunteered to post some of her tales here.

El Paso

by Connie Graham

I really, really miss being able to CALL the receiver on the PHONE and get directions from a HUMAN. It had its challenges back in the day when we were expected to call and get directions (bimbos who can’t remember how they got to work), but at least you could ask a question or two if something did not make sense.

Example of verbal directions:

“Take 54 South to exit 40. At the light turn right. The road curves to the left. Stay in the left hand lane and watch for the Wendy’s which will be on the left. Just after the Wendy’s take a left on Elm. We are at the end of the block on the right. The sign will say ‘Larson Manufacturing.’ We are the white building with the blue stripe behind Larson”.

But now we all have Mapquest and Google Maps. They gave me awful directions this morning.

Sorta like:

Take 54W/Relief Road J/Harvey Speinwinkle Blvd .2 miles to 54W/J Loop WE/NW Blvd 345/Friendly Bastard Rd which curves ever-so-slightly toward (not to be confused with “at”) Business Route 54. Go .00008 miles to Junction 54/345 and ignore it. Laugh/chuckle/chortle your way past Junction 54/346 because you haven’t even gone a mile, you can’t remember your own name and are drooling all over yourself.

It was a 2 U-turn morning. Not as bad as some, worse than others. The first was caused by my inability to make sense of the tangle of highways and loops I encountered en route to Loop 375 in El Paso. Once you make enough loops and curves and turns it is impossible to know which way is which. So I looked at the sun and ascertained I should have gone right at the T, not left, because I needed to be going south on Zaragoza.

Scary U-turn in an abandoned Christmas tree lot, just missing a light pole and concrete wall.

I made it to Zaragoza Street. (Thus spake Zaragoza.) I am looking for “Longhorn Warehousing.” The building has a sign that says “Bailey Manufacturing.” So I tool right past.

Fast-forward to the security guard who speaks English with an accent so heavy I can only understand “can’t park here,” “Mexican border,” “meet another driver,” and “Canadian,” After the third go-around I realize he thinks I am from Canada. (My accent?)

I say “ARIZONA” a few times, and he gets it. Now I only have to walk a quarter-mile to the receiving office.

Ninety percent of the 40 trucks at this facility are driven by people who speak Spanish. I am something to be observed. Who knows what the crazy white woman might do? She looks a little stressed out.

Security guard is a very proud older Mexican gentleman sporting Wranglers, boots, and a cowboy hat. He is apparently running the show and directing traffic.

I am assigned the second-worst dock in the entire place. Nice big bright yellow poles surround a fire hydrant right next to my assigned dock. (Which makes the WORST dock the one directly across from said poles.)

I am nervous. I will slam into it unless I “blind side” into my spot. SHIT. Just what I want to do while being ogled by the group of Mexican drivers standing nearby.

They no speak English. I asked.

I steel myself for what might be a very challenging experience, hop into the truck (after asking Silver, politely, to get out of my seat), and put the big green Peterbilt into gear.

I drive around to set myself up for the “blind side backing” and notice that I now have four people standing in a giant circle around my truck.

Wow. That is quite unusual.

I got the truck into the dock with very little effort as I had the help of four extra pairs of eyes. That was kinda fun!

I hopped out to take the lock off my trailer door, and the Mexican/Cowboy/Security guard came over and gave me a big hug.

Again…wow!