LOL! My Life with Dogs could be a novel. Or a stage play:
Neighbor Couple with Chocolate Lab, on hearing the news that Cassie’s Human hopes for a pup next spring: Ohhhhhh! That’s exactly the size of dog we want for our next dog! We’re getting a little old to handle a bigger dog.
Cassie’s Human: Google “Corgie breeder Wittmann Arizona”!
Cassie, eying Chocolate Lab: Hm…. you appear to be fairly tame, don’t you? You may genuflect to me.
***
Young Woman Being Dragged Up the Street by a Fine-Looking Coon Hound; she has NO IDEA what a coon hound is for: A new puppy? That is SOOO wonderful!
Cassie: Make my day, you chucklehead!
Coon Hound: Holy sh!t!!!
Young woman: Gaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! (Doppler effect as Young Woman and Coon Hound disappear into the distance)
***
Cassie’s Human: ….and I put a deposit down on a corgi pup due to be born next spring…
Cassie’s Human’s Son: Uh huh. (Evinces no sign of surprise.)
Cassie’s Human (aside): How does he get to be a mind-reader?
Cassie, addressing Charley the Golden Retriever: You do remember who’s boss here, right? You little chucklehead!
Charley the Golden Retriever: Yes, Majesty!
***
La Maya, loyal servant to two dachshunds: Wittmann???? Augh! That’s where we got Hans. He developed Valley Fever less than a week after we got him…the vet says it was because of all the dust out there…
Cassie’s Human (aside): Holy sh!t!!!
Cassie, smiling sweetly at Hans: Make my day, you little chucklehead!
Hans jumps up onto the sofa, out of Cassie’s reach.
La Maya: Better ask them if they also breed dachshunds!
***
Pretty Young Blonde, being dragged up the street by a large, scrawny, abused-looking Adolescent Heinz-57 Pup: (pant pant pant!) Don’t worry, he’s friendly!
Cassie’s Human: Right. I’m sure!
Cassie: Make my day, you little chucklehead!
Adolescent Heinz-57 Pup: You’re so adorable!!! (Adolescent bounds up to Cassie, dragging Pretty Young Blonde into the fray.)
Cassie: Let me out of this thing so I can kill the little chucklehead! Cassie slips her lead and circles around to confront Adolescent Heinz-57 Pup.
Pretty Young Blonde: Eeeeek!
Cassie’s Human: Uh oh….
Cassie: One step closer and you die, you little chucklehead!
Adolescent Heinz-57 Pup: I LOVE you!
Cassie: You may prove it by bowing down and making obeisance. If you’re good enough at it, I may let you live. Briefly.
Pretty Young Blonde hauls Adolescent Heinz-57 Pup away. Dust settles.
Cassie’s Human: And…uhm, where did you get THAT thing?
Pretty Young Blonde: I just adopted him yesterday from the Humane Society!
Cassie’s Human (aside): What were you smoking at the time? Cassie’s Human reaffixes collar to Cassie, pretending that this matters. Speaking to Pretty Young Blonde: He’s very, uhm, cute!
Pretty Young Blonde, hollering as she’s being dragged away: We’re taking him to obedience training on Monday!!!
Cassie: That should be quite the spectacle.
***
KJG, loyal servant of a Doberman pinscher: You’re kidding!
Cassie’s Human: No, seriously! The pups are expected in March.
KJG: Oh, my.
***
Cassie’s Human’s Accountant and Friend: You’re kidding!!!!
Cassie’s Human: No, seriously! The pups are expected in March.
Cassie’s Human’s Accountant lapses into stunned silence.
***
So it goes: life with the humans that belong to dogs in the Valley of the Sun. We all can’t wait to meet the New Pup.
It was only a matter of time!