The Workman Waltz: Angie’s Dance

So yesterday a guy who’s ecstatically recommended on Angie’s List came over to measure and give me an estimate on installing the three proposed sliding doors. And as experiences go, this one took the cake. It may be one of the most amazing episodes of the Workman Waltz to date. 😀

First off, he didn’t even want to be bothered with measuring…said he’d been in business long enough to know what the dimensions of sliding doors are. He just wanted to cut a deal.

When I insisted that he look at the door in the back bedroom because a previous owner built a wood frame around it, he was surprised to find it’s a different size from the other two doors (which themselves are not the same size, though at a glance they look like they are). He said it’s a nonstandard size. Then he opined that the original opening had been built for hinged French doors. Wrong on both counts: the original opening is the width and height it is because a happy handyman simply took out the window, cut the wall opening down to the floor, and framed the resulting opening to fit a standard small Home Depot sliding door.

Oozing into a chair at the dining-room table, he next tried to sell me a used door. His company just moved to new digs, and they removed doors they’d put into the place they were renting. So wouldn’t I like a FANTASTIC deal on a 13-year-old sliding door! No warranty of course.

Moving on, I asked what he does about lead abatement, something I learned about from the K&J Windows and Doors guy. As it develops, if a house was built before 1978, the federal government requires contractors who do any kind of renovation or replacement to test for lead paint and, if they find it, to jump through some nuisancey and expensive hoops. For example, K&J charges $100 for the lead test and $150 per window or door for the extra work that has to be done.

He now says he will not do an installation if there’s lead, because it’s too much hassle and the rule is too oppressive: the fine for getting it wrong is $37,500 and possible jail time. So, says he, the way to deal with this is I’ll give him a letter stating that I know the house has no lead in it. Then he’ll have his crew install the windows without screwing around with the lead abatement safety procedures.

“Well, I don’t know that,” I say. “The house hasn’t been tested.”

He says that doesn’t matter—just give him a letter warrantying that the house is free of lead and don’t worry about it.

In other words, instead of him paying $37,500 and going to jail, I can do it.

I say, according to the figures the EPA has published on the Internet, a house built in 1971 (the year mine was built) has a 24% chance of having lead paint.

He scoffs. “You can find anything on the Internet,” says he. That figure is wrong, he says: “I took the lead certification course, and I can tell you the chances of this house having lead paint are almost nil. Just give me the letter and we’ll install the windows.” I let this line of conversation drop, having found the figures from a chart published at the EPA’s website and recognizing a bald-faced lie when I hear it.

Now he demands to know how much others have bid. He emits an offer that underbids K&J, proposing not to install the Milgard or Simonton windows I’ve researched and specifically asked for but to substitute an off-brand. Then he says he’ll give me this SMOKIN’ deal only if I sign with him right that instant.

I say I have another contractor coming over to give me another bid, and I will decide which company to go with after I’ve gathered all the bids.

He now tries to high-pressure me, saying it’s pointless to get any other bids and that I’m being silly to ask for several estimates.

I say I’m not going to be pushed into signing a contract until I have all the bids I want.

He says unless I sign with him RIGHT THEN AND THERE, he won’t do business with me.

I say fine, good-bye.

He leaves, but drops his card on the table and tells me to call him if I change my mind.

Man! That was an experience.

The K&J guys are coming over this morning. So far, their bid, based on Freelite’s measurements, is a LOT less than Freelite’s. However, when I looked closely at their bid, I saw it did not itemize the 6.04% tax by each door, as Chip the Freelite owner had done in his bid. So I had to try to figure the tax on each piece, by way of deciding whether to buy all three or only two. But even with that added, they’re $1,461 less if I buy two narrow-rail doors and $1,835 if I buy three. That’s including K&J’s $150/window lead abatement charges, about which Chip said nothing. Yesterday I e-mailed Chip to ask if his bid includes the lead thing, but he hasn’t replied.

Calculating the tax is complex because it may apply to some things and not to others, and so I won’t know for sure what K&J’s bid will be until I’ve talked with an installer and asked him to provide the real, actual, final bottom line.

Freelight did nothing in the lead department when they installed the skylights and front windows several years ago, and I have yet to keel over dead. But that was before 2010, when this regulation went into force. So if there is lead in the house (which, this being Arizona, we can assume is the case), I was exposed to clouds of lead-laden dust. At the outset, the rule was supposed to allow a waiver for homes where no children and no pregnant women live; however, the EPA threw that proposal out before the law took effect.

If the required test reveals lead in the house, the hoops they have to jump through are quite dramatic. All the occupants have to leave the house and stay out until the job and the cleanup are done. They have to tape off your house with yellow hazard tape and put up those orange cones to keep people out. They have to seal off the work space by taping plastic all around each window, and the workmen have to wear protective gear (in 112-degree heat!). So as you can imagine, if there’s lead in the house, it’s unlikely the job is going to get done this summer.

Or at all…I’m inclined to skip the whole project, if that amount of hassle is entailed.

An option is to find out if there’s lead in the house and then just not do the work. However, it’s better not to know. If you do know, when you go to sell the house you’re required to disclose the presence of old lead paint, even though it represents exactly zero hazard if it’s been covered with latex paint and is not chipped or peeling.

Anyway, the crook described above has rave reviews at Angie’s List. He probably put people up to joining and entering cheery reports, no doubt by giving them even deeper discounts on the junk brands he’s peddling. I’m tempted to describe this story at Angie’s List, but if he gets nailed for violating the federal law, he’d probably hire Guido from Chicago to come do some serious damage to my house or me.

Image: Renoir, Bal à Bougival. Public domain.