Holy sh!t. Did you see Crystal’s answers to the 99 questions meme? It is completely, totally, incredibly off the wall. Just the idea that the owner of a Vast Blogging Empire would take time to write answers to 99 questions is in itself off the wall (that’s old-folks’ talk for “jumping the shark,” for you young pups). But the answers are just freaking hilarious.
Let’s see what ensues when an Old Bat tries to answer the questions.
1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open. It’s too much work to get up and close the door. However, I do have a puppy barricade strung between the doorjambs, since one of us has taken eating shoes.
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Hotel? You can afford to stay in hotels? Well, I suppose I would, but that’s probably not the sort of dive I’d stay in.
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
In. Cassie the Corgi sleeps on my feet, so I can’t kick around enough to yank them out.
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No. Why?
5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
I could not remember my name if I didn’t have a Post-It stuck on the computer to remind me.
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
I have neither the energy nor the time to devote to couponing. Which is another way of saying I never get around to cutting out coupons. Wouldn’t that require you to subscribe to a local paper? I refuse to pay for that useless rag.
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Bear, any day. Got a nice .45 that will scare the poor little gal off. And bear bells. Lots of bear bells.
8. Do you have freckles?
We call those “age spots.”
9. Do you always smile for pictures?
No. I threaten photographers with murder if they try to snap my photo.
10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Adjunct teaching.
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
I have, actually. Then I realized how weird that was and so…well, stopped.
12. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Many, many times.
13. What about pooped in the woods?
Fewer times, but plenty of times.
14. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
Well sure. Doesn’t everyone?
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
No. Quit that at about the age of 12.
16. How many people have you slept with this week?
Do dogs count?
17. What size is your bed?
Queen
18. What is your Song of the week?
This stupid hymn whose title I don’t remember but whose tune I can NOT get out of my head!
19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Absolutely. I love men who aren’t afraid to wear pink.
20. Do you still watch cartoons?
Not so much.
21. Whats your least favorite movie?
I quit watching movies when mega-violent became S.O.P. Oh, but my LEAST fave? Love Story. It was so embarrassing. I was the only person in the theater who burst out laughing when the sappy actor enunciated, “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.” Har har har!
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
In the bank.
23. What do you drink with dinner?
Bourbon and water.
24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Nothing. Who on earth would eat such a toxic thing?
25. What is your favorite food?
Prime ribeye steak.
26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
N/A, I’m afraid.
27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
SDXB
28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Not a chance.
29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Uhm…what magazine, and what’s the fee? Do I get royalties?
30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Gosh. I can’t remember that far back.
31. Can you change the oil on a car?
Probably. But there must be better things to do with the few moments of life left to us.
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Who, me? 😉
33. Ever ran out of gas?
I’m afraid so. Was driving my (then)-husband’s truck, whose gas gauge was set up exactly in reverse of my Camry’s. Setting out on the open road, I thought it said 3/4 full. It actually said 1/4 full. Oops!
34. Favorite kind of sandwich?
I’m not nuts about sandwiches.
35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Grilled steak, grilled potatoes, and grilled tomatoes, with coffee and a glass of champagne.
36. What is your usual bedtime?
Ideally? Around 9 p.m. In reality? Around midnight.
37. Are you lazy?
Hell, yeah.
38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Witch. So appropriate, as it developed. 😀
39. What is your Chinese astrological sign?
Not knowing, I’d hesitate to state for fear of being erroneous.
40. How many languages can you speak?
Four.
41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
New York Review of Books.
42. Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
Oh, Legos. No question of it.
43. Are you stubborn?
Sometimes.
44. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
Letterman. Well. Letterman is kind of mean. If you prefer non-mean, then Leno.
45. Ever watch soap operas?
Used to be an addict. Now watch Desperate Housewives, which is a variety of soap, on Netflix.
46. Are you afraid of heights?
Not especially.
47. Do you sing in the car?
All. The. Time.
48. Do you sing in the shower?
Yesh.
49. Do you dance in the car?
Say what?
50. Ever used a gun?
Yup.
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
About in 2000.
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Well, I kind of liked Jesus Christ, Superstar and Oh, Calcutta. Otherwise, it’s not my favorite genre.
53. Is Christmas stressful?
Not anymore. It used to be sheer hell. Old age mellows one, though.
54. Ever eat a pierogi?
What on earth is it?
55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
yuch.
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Astrophysicist.
57. Do you believe in ghosts?
Naaah.
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Only in childhood. My mother believed I was the reincarnation of her mother, because when I was very little I could “remember” things that only her mother knew. woooWOOOOOwooo!
59. Take a vitamin daily?
Not on your life.
60. Wear slippers?
Too much hassle. In winter I wear socks to bed and will schlep around the first thing in the morning wearing those.
61. Wear a bath robe?
No.
62. What do you wear to bed?
I don’t suppose we should discuss that. It could frighten the children.
63. First concert?
Can’t remember back that far.
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Target
65. Nike or Adidas?
Danskos.
66. Cheetos Or Fritos?
EeeeeeYUCK!!!!!!!!!
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts.
68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
Mais non. Dear lord…just think, someday this will be a golden oldie. Talk about your dystopic future…
69. Ever take dance lessons?
Gawd help us, my mother once made me take ballroom dancing. She thought it might add a veneer of civilization. Didn’t work. Scared a bunch of pre-adolescent boys, though.
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Future spouse? What is that?
71. Can you curl your tongue?
Yes. Why would I want to, though?
72. Ever won a spelling bee?
Of course.
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
No.
74. Own any record albums?
Are CDs the same as record albums? If so, a ton of them. All the vinyl is gone, though.
75. Own a record player?
No longer.
76. Regularly burn incense?
Ech!
77. Ever been in love?
Off and on.
78. Who would you like to see in concert?
Not knowing, I’d hesitate to state (etc.)
79. What was the last concert you saw?
Phoenix Chorale (an Emmy-award-winning vocal ensemble)
80. Hot tea or cold tea?
Six of one, half a dozen of t’other.
81. Tea or coffee?
Coffee, coffee, coffee.
82. Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Neither, thank you.
83. Can you swim well?
Pretty damn well.
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Of course.
85. Are you patient?
Depends on the context. Less and less, the older I get. Except in the medical sense…
86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
String quartet.
87. Ever won a contest?
Yes. Won a trip to Mt. Palomar when I was in junior high school.
88. Ever have plastic surgery?
No. I’m not into unnecessary surgery, and have been fortunate enough never to have suffered a disfiguring injury.
89. Which are better black or green olives?
Black.
90. Can you knit or crochet?
Used to. Forgot how.
91. Best room for a fireplace?
Bedroom. Or bathroom. Our choir director and his partner have a fireplace right next to the sybaritic bathtub. Dang!
92. Do you want to get married?
Whatever for?
93. If married, how long have you been married?
20 years, before achieving freedom.
94. Who was your HS crush?
Alan, the track star.
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
No.
96. Do you have kids?
If the person is 37, does he still qualify as a “kid”?
97. Do you want kids?
Thank god I’m past that phase.
98. Whats your favorite color?
Purple.
99. Do you miss anyone right now?
Nope.
Very cool…..I usually don’t care for these things, but this one struck a chord. Some pretty insightful questions….Glad to see SDXB was mentioned in a favorable light and even better that you and he remain friends. As for question 99…surprised you don’t miss anyone. I guess it’s an age thing but I find myself missing the OP’s (old people) of my youth…mostly G-parents and Dear Wife’s recently departed parents. I miss their advice and take on a crazy world we live in. There is something about an OP, that has lived thru the Great Depression and a couple of World Wars, telling you that it could be worse and will work out…they have credibility. Something sadly lacking today….
Oh, occasionally I miss my mother. But it doesn’t do any good, does it? We have to move on.
It’s something I learned from my father. He never looked back. Not physically, not metaphorically. He would walk onto the ship without ever turning around and waving at us (my mother would drive him to San Pedro or wherever to deliver him to the boat when his shore leave was over). And I know almost nothing about his family, because he didn’t talk about the dead.
I used to do these sort of question lists all the time. I find that they help me reflect on things I normally just skip over. You’ve got some really interesting answers here, thanks for sharing them with us!
They’re also great for filling space on a blog, AKA “a bottomless pit into which to throw copy.” 😀
What an odd assortment of questions. I can’t believe you don’t know what a pierogi is!
Hm. They look like some sort of pot-stickers.
My dad had the same sort of “no regrets” attitude but he told us stories all the time, when we were younger. I’m glad, I would never have known or understood my grandparents so well without those stories.