Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

A Wrenching Decision…

Okay, so my beloved kitchen wrench, the one that resides in a drawer, where it stands by to perform the crucial job of unscrewing the caps on bottles of cheap wine, has been hiding for the past several weeks. Didn’t pay much attention to this, because I’ve been on the wagon for quite some time and so had rare occasions to pine for the wine wrench. {heh!}

Well, the other day after I escaped the Mayo’s test lab, whence I was ordered to present myself for an annual health review, the first thing I did was tear down to the fancy-Dan Fry’s at Tatum & Shea and grab a bottle of my favorite California hootch. I’d been abstaining for the past month, by way of gaming the Mayo’s system: I’ve grown mightily tired of hearing my unempathetic doc whinge about my liver enzyme levels. And of having to prevaricate about how much spirits I actually consume, so as a) to avoid getting that written down anywhere and b) to avoid having to listen to a long lecture containing advice that I already know, thankyouverymuch. At any rate, I was reminded that the beloved kitchen wrench had gone AWOL when I tried to open this fine bottle of wine. Searched all over for the thing, but couldn’t find it.

Alas. Managed to get the fine bottle open anyway.

This morning another raft of test results went online at the Mayo’s “portal.” And lo!

  • Liver enzyme levels: right smack in the middle of the “normal” range
  • Glucose level: about 5 points high…we’ll be told, once again (as over the past 8 or 10 years) that we’re “pre-diabetic.” Okay, just hand me the damn candybar…)
  • Everything else: dead on normal.

Hm. I suspect those liver enzymes have come down specifically because I decided to knock off my daily dose of wine. Or beer. Or whiskey.

Have I felt better? Not really. About the same, I’d say. I felt fine before climbing on the wagon and I feel fine now. But that notwithstanding…I do think it’s time to revert to Great-Grandmother’s staunch policy of tee-totaling. Clearly the booze has been affecting the liver, and not imbibing has also affected it: for the better.

Hence….the decision: Stay on the wagon? Or sink beneath the waves of a sea of iniquity?

Contemplating said collection of medico-facts this morning, it occurred to me that I still hadn’t found the wine wrench, despite having launched a special search for it after I arrived home with the recent purchase in hand. So got up off my duff and wandered into the garage for another lookaround…

And lo! There were the familiar yellow handles! Yes. Right there in the toolbox. Uh huh. The toolbox I’d searched three times without finding them.

How does that happen? How can you look at something — right straight at it, presumably — three times without seeing it? When you’re sober and have been dead sober for a month or so?

Possibly it’s sobriety that’s at fault… 😉

Author: funny

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  1. Funny – do you know how funny you are? I love your blog. I read you first, and when I don’t see you in my email I go to your page to see if you’ve written something new. I don’t comment a lot – but wanted you to know – you’re the best!

    • Why., thank you! I’m so glad I’m not the only one on the planet who thinks I’m the funniest thing that ever walked this earth. 😉 Seriously, if you can’t look at our lives and times with a little humor these days, you’ll lose your sanity in a matter of minutes.