funny

My little S-corporation has its own Chase Bank credit card, issued through the credit union. Well: make that “had.” Honestly, I don’t know why state agencies and credit unions do business with Chase: what a nuisance it is to deal with those huge, faceless banks. Chase has let my corporate credit card expire: no sign of a new card, no word from the bank…just notices from vendors who get paid by the card that they’re going to quit providing their various products and services because the card expires this month.

So yesterday I gathered all my psychological reserve of patience and plunged into Chase’s telephone punch-a-button maze. After a lengthy, aggravating wait spent listening to advertising pumped into my ear, a 20ish-sounding CSR got on the phone. Jumped through hoop after hoop after hoop with her, delivering every personal piece of identifying data the bank’s telephone script-writers could dream up, and then, just as I was opening my mouth to ask why they haven’t renewed the card, she says, “The information you’ve given doesn’t match the information we have.”

Oh shit. I forgot: When they ask “What is your date of birth,” they mean “What date was your company incorporated.”

So I say, “Hang on, I’ll have to get into my file and pull out the incorporation papers.”

“No,” says she, “Once I’ve entered your answers, I can’t enter any other answer.”

Say what?

You don’t get a second chance, if you’ve made a mistake in saying who and what you are. Just to get to the point where I would have the privilege of asking my question, now I have to waste another 15 minutes plodding through their FLICKING PUNCH-A-BUTTON MAZE AGAIN!

I just about went ballistic.

“All right, then,” said I. “Let’s just cancel the card.”

Of course, there was nothing she could do in that direction, either, because according to her records, the card was issued to a person who is two years old. And that, obviously, wasn’t me.

What excuse is there to treat customers like that?

So, I called the New York Times, which extracts its monthly subscription fee through that card, and switched them to American Express.

Then wrote to the customer disservice address on the Chase bill and told them to cancel the card (and yes, I do know that’s a hit on the corporation’s credit report, and I don’t care!!!!). Next, wrote a dear-sir-you-cur to the president of the credit union, enclosing the rant to Chase detailing what happened and suggesting the credit union might want to deal with some other rapacious organization:

Sam Wheeler
Chairman
Arizona State Credit Union
2355 W. Pinnacle Peak Rd.
Phoenix, AZ 85027

Dear Mr. Wheeler:

I’m canceling my corporate credit card, which is associated with my business account at the credit union, for the reasons described in the attached letter.

This is the second extremely annoying runaround I’ve had from Chase. Prior experience shows the customer service representatives and management at the credit union are helpless to intervene with Chase, so I have not bothered them this time.

You know, Mr. Wheeler, the reason I do business with a credit union is specifically so that I will not have to do business with despotic monoliths like Chase Bank.

I will find another credit-card vendor for The Copyeditor’s Desk. Since my credit is sterling, I expect no problem will arise. But I would suggest that the credit union has a problem: it’s called “Chase.” You might want to consider finding a better organization with which to ally the credit union, one that will not jack members around.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely, (etc.)

And finally, speaking of outfits that call its customers “members,” it was off to Costco, where I learned to my delight that even though I have the low-rent business membership, Costco will indeed issue a second American Express card to me, set up in the name of my business.

Even though, as Free Money Finance recently noted, Costco’s AMEX card is cutting its benefits, it still provides a substantial kickback on the kinds of purchases I usually make. Most of what I purchase on the S-corp’s card is office supplies, and what AMEX is cutting is the 3 percent kickback on restaurant meals. IMHO, a 1 percent difference on something I rarely buy is hardly worth canceling a card with a company that does provide pretty fair customer service.

Costco’s AMEX card kicks back 3 percent on gasoline, which, when combined with Costco’s low prices, is pretty respectable. The Costco near me consistently provides the lowest prices within reasonable driving distance, and AMEX is the only credit card their pumps will take. Although some cards will give you 5 percent back, they also are issued by despotic monoliths. I’d rather deal with just one monolith, thank you.

In the near future, I’ll be charging about $3,000 in computer equipment on this new American Express card. So, at 2 percent, that will generate a $60 rebate, right out of the hustings.

Chase owes The Copyeditor’s Desk a few pennies in customer reward kickbacks. Unlike AMEX, they don’t just send you a check.  You have to screw around and jump through hoops to get it. I’ve never bothered, since it’s loose change. No doubt I’ll never see that money. Such as it was.