Bye-bye Costco!

Finally….lost patience with shopping in Costco. And made a little discovery in that department — one that should have been obvious.

No doubt I’ve remarked before on what a PITA it is to shop in a Costco store…not because of Costco itself, but because of the way the customers behave. People seem to lose their minds when they go into one of those vast emporiums of American consumerism. They lose track of everybody around them. Apparently all they see is the vast stacks of Stuff for sale, piled up to the warehouse-high ceilings. They cut you off. They bang into your cart. They let their bereft little kids sit and wail, strapped in a cart or stroller.

The last time I got so annoyed I stalked out, it was because somebody walked off with the shopping cart I’d spent half an hour or 45 minutes filling up.

This has happened more than once. Not the walking out…the walking off. People get so engrossed with staring into the meat counters or perusing the piles of junk, they’ll just push a cart down the aisle without realizing it’s not their cart. By the time they notice, it’s out of your sight — and chances are they don’t even remember where they started pushing it.

This time… {sigh!} I swear: what a place!

After circumnavigating the warehouse and picking up the stuff I need, I approach the front of the store. Only a couple of checkout lines are open, but it looks like not many people are standing there.

Wrong!

When I get up front to claim a place in line, I see management has decided to enforce the covid-inspired six-foot rule. This causes the lines to back up the aisles. Waaayyyy up the aisles. So what looks like a two- or three-person line actually extends halfway to the back of the damned store — which is vast!

Well. I’d already stood in line half my lifetime to get gasoline.

Did I really want to spend the other half my life trying to check out a few groceries?

Well.

No.

Left the cart standing there and headed for the hills.

This shucked off one annoyance. But I still faced the problem that groceries needed to be bought!

So on the (long!) way home, I decided to duck into the big Fry’s at Tatum and Shea, a conservation zone for the Rich and the Snooty fauna of Paradise Valley.

Fry’s, for those of you live points east and south, is actually Kroger’s. Some of their stores are huge, and the one in Paradise Valley is among those.

I rarely buy groceries there, partly because I’ve gotten into the habit of buying at Costco, which is just up the road, and partly because Fry’s made a deliberate business strategy of driving the AJ’s in Moon Valley out of business by installing that huge megastore and underpricing the nearby AJ’s. That AJ’s was one of the best stores in the city, and it was relatively convenient to my house. I so much resented this unethical business strategy that I’ve made it a practice not to shop at Fry’s.

But I guess that habit is gonna have to go into the trash bin.

That store had everything the Costco offers…and then some. The meat is first-rate. The fresh produce department is far superior to Costco’s, with many more choices, all of them offered in grocery-store style, not warehouse style: meaning you can pick and choose the fruits and veggies you want and not have to buy a lifetime supply of any one item. The liquor department still offers an excellent selection of cheapo wines — recently Costco has gotten rid of their better choices in the $9 to $12 range, meaning that the extravagantly priced AJ’s actually has a superior selection of those. Yea verily…the Fry’s selection outclasses AJ’s. Hot dang!

Costco offers cheapo clothing good for daily around-the-house wear. Recently they’ve gotten rid of their Gloria Vanderbilt jeans — about the only brand of jeans that fit around a middle-aged woman’s butt.

Lo! the Fry’s has a casual clothing department, too. And it far outclasses Costco’s. It not only has a vast selection of junk clothing, it also carries sandals and walking shoes — in regular shoe-store fashion, so you can try them on.

The jeans are Levis. These used to fit when I was a young thing, but I doubt if they will today. No big deal: I can order Glorias online.  And I suppose i can track down a Western-wear store and at least try a few pairs of Levis in fat-lady sizes.

I found THE prettiest casual white sweater! GRAB! Wore it to meet some friends yesterday. Perfect with jeans.

Barge up to the checkout lines — this store seemingly has an infinite number of them — and get behind just one woman, whose order was already more than halfway checked.

Buy the loot, haul back out to the car, fill up the back end.

Now to get home…

Turning left out of that parking lot to go in the direction of the Funny Farm via Shea Blvd is…well…highly problematic.*

Usually I accomplish this by going to the east end of the lot, turning south on Tatum, and then executing an Arizona Turn: that is, turning right and then pulling a U-ie in order to go left. Then proceed back up to Shea and cruise west as far as it goes.

This, as you might imagine, poses certain risks. And it poses an existential question: does one really want to risk one’s life for a pile of groceries?

So yesterday I decided to see what would happen if instead of circling back up to Shea, I proceeded south on Tatum to Lincoln and then cruised west on that huge thoroughfare. This would take me two miles out of my way, but the trade-off would be a far greater likelihood of survival.

All is going well until we hit Lincoln. Within about three minutes of turning right onto that venerable thoroughfare, we come to…a dead stop.

They’ve got the road shut down to ONE LANE.

Of course. Makes sense, this being Phoenix. Lincoln is one of THE main routes between North Central Phoenix and Scottsdale, the other being the majestically slow Camelback Road, several miles to the south. The traffic is dead stopped.

Well, actually, we move forward a few yards at a time, every few minutes.

It takes a good thirty minutes to traverse that mess.

Note to self: take Shea westward out of the Fry’s parking lot. Some things are worth risking your life.

At any rate: ultimately I decided that henceforth major shops are to take place at that Fry’s. Its offerings are far superior to Costco’s, and if there’s any price savings at CC, you couldn’t prove it by me.

As for standing in line till the cows come home just to save a few pennies/gallon on gasoline? Why?

The two QT’s on the fringe of the ‘Hood compete with each other for commuter customers, meaning their prices are not far off Costco’s. Surely it’s worth a few cents or even a whole dollar to avoid a crazy drive and a 20-minute wait in one of a dozen lines of eager penny-pinchers.

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* Costco persuaded the city to install a signal at the parking lot’s exit onto Cactus, but…bring camping gear! Sooo slow is the thing that it’s likely to be breakfast-time tomorrow before you get to turn left. Risking your life to go around Robin Hood’s Barn via the Tatum exit is much faster and less tooth-grinding.