Coffee heat rising

Hurrah! Summer’s almost over

The first cool morning of the fall—at last! At quarter to five, it’s 68 on the back porch.

Too bad I can’t enjoy it: in 45 minutes I have to schlep through the rush-hour traffic to Scottsdale, to a breakfast meeting of the networking group I joined.

But it’s one of various small harbingers. Not only is the heat about to break, choir is back in session. Last night we rehearsed several lovely pieces, and on Saturday we meet all day, wrapping up a “boot camp” session with a potluck dinner. Sunday the regular season of singing resumes, something that adds a great deal to life.

Check out this that I found on the Web:

Isn’t that kewl! Not only do you get the lovely choir singing, you can follow the parts! What a grand tool for practicing. YouTube has a whole series of these things.

Meanwhile, the electric bill arrived: only $207! That’s $30 less than last month’s, to my amazement. August was miserably uncomfortable, well over 100, humid, and sticky every single day. By all rights, the power bill should have been through the roof. I’m budgeted for $225 but expect July and August to be a little higher than that. Reason for the drop: unexplained.

It gets better: the water bill was only $83. That’s right: eight. three. In past years it’s been around $125 at this time of year. I think it’s because I decided to cut back the watering schedule and haul the hoses to the plants myself, by hand. Suspicions confirmed: drip systems are another scam, along with the programmable thermostat that jacks up the power bill and the water-saving toilet that forces you to flush three times for every one use. None of the plants died, and I saved over $40 on water.

At the college, my chair says I can have three sections a semester starting next spring, and he will try to get me a summer section. This will resolve my financial problems: with any luck, I’ll never have to go through another summer without enough income to cover base expenses.

My colleague has engineered another eight-week section of the magazine writing course for spring semester, so pleased are they that the current one filled to the scuppers. That means at no time will I be actually teaching three sections at once. Knowing these eight-week courses exist, I intend to proactively go after them, because it’s much easier and much more entertaining to teach accelerated sections, even of writing courses.

God is great!

The (Not So) Good Old Days

Just finished the chest freezer’s first defrosting job. The thing doesn’t collect very much frost, but after enough months pass, it does need to be chipped free. This summer’s humidity caused enough frost to grow that it was threatening to interfere with closing the lid, so, reluctantly, I finally moved myself to action.

To my surprised delight, it didn’t take anything like as much effort or time as expected. Only about a half-hour with a hair dryer defrosting the glaciers, plus another half-hour of winnowing out the hopelessly aged items and organizing the survivors.

The reason I dreaded this chore and put it off as long as I could is that I can remember what it was like to defrost a Frigidaire. O God!

Defrosting the icebox’s freezer was a half-day job. In the first place, the freezer compartment started to build layers of frost from the instant you plugged in the refrigerator. Frost built up on everything: every surface of the machine and every surface of anything you put into the freezer.

First, you’d wait until your family had gone through most of the food in the freezer and the refrigerator. Turning off the freezer in older models entailed turning off both compartments. Later, you could shut off just the freezer, but even then, since the job would take a long time, you didn’t want to leave much frozen food sitting in the refrigerator or sink.

In those days, women didn’t have hand-held hair dryers. A hair dryer was a lash-up with a plastic bonnet on the end of a hose connected to a contraption that looked a little like…I don’t know…a drag-around vacuum cleaner. It never occurred to anyone to try to use one of those things to speed defrosting, if that were even possible.

On the day you decided to defrost and clean the freezer, you’d turn on the soaps to keep you company. The soap operas would start around 10:00 or 10:30 in the morning. So if you started with the first soap, which I recall was Days of Our Lives, you would clean through As the World Turns, The Guiding Light, The Edge of Night, and finish about the time The Dumb and the Feckless came on. If you worked steadily, you’d finish around 12:30 or 1:00 p.m.

It was a messy, foot-aching, back-aching, endless job that entailed boiling water, pouring it into flat pans, setting them into the freezer compartment to melt the two- and three-inch thick ice, wiping up the mess, and repeating. Over and over and over. Then you had to clean up the mess you’d made on the floor and kitchen counters. So, as you can imagine, I wasn’t looking forward to doing that with a chest freezer that would add bending over to the list.

Moderns suffer way too much nostalgia for the good old days. One thing that concerns me about both this bottomless recession and the sometimes silly sentimentality inherent to the environmental movement is that both of these forces are tending to push back our standard of living.

To my mind, not having to stand in front of a freezer for two or three hours pouring, chipping, scrubbing, sponging, and mopping comes under the heading of “standard of living.” So does having a freezer at all. So does running an air conditioner and electric lights and an indoor stove. So does walking into a supermarket and having a choice of all the fruits and vegetables that grow in any season of the year, somewhere on this earth or in some agribusiness’s greenhouses.

One of the problems with the locavore movement is that, taken to its logical end, it means that you eat whatever is in season in your local area. Whatever does not grow in your immediate vicinity and is not in season, you don’t eat.

While that sounds very romantic and green, its reality is far plainer and far simpler than most locavores would relish: malnutrition.

Enthusiasts tell us that “most Americans should not expect to have tomatoes in January” and that “to eat truly locally means learning to live without those foods that won’t naturally grow in your own backyard, or in your local farmer’s fields.” Be careful what you wish for.

My mother grew up in upstate New York during the 1910s and 20s. She lived with her grandparents on a small subsistence farm. During the summer and fall, they ate what they could grow or gather in the forest. During the winter, they ate what they could store.

My mother grew up with rickets. Thanks to poor childhood nutrition, all of her teeth had been removed from her head by the time she was 45.

She told me that an orange was a rare treat. Citrus was expensive, too expensive for people who lived off their own land, and even if you could afford them, oranges were rarely available. During the winter, she said, oftentimes all they had to eat was beans and potatoes her grandmother had put up, served in bowls of hot milk taken from their cow.

That’s locavore eating. Do we really want to take ourselves back to 1918?

Consider, too, the bright ideas intended to save water and energy. Front-loading washers, for example: there’s a throwback to the “good” old days, if ever there was one. They work very much like the old Bendix my mother and I used in the early 1950s. Put a tablespoon too much detergent in the thing, and it would bubble up and flood the service porch. This is why washer hookups in 1950s houses are often outside, on the back porch or in the garage. It’s a lot easier to clean up the concrete garage floor or the back porch slab than to have to scrub an interior floor every third time you do the laundry.

I remember that damn thing overflowing, and I remember my mother racing to wipe up the mess with a mop and on hands and knees with rags. As if she didn’t have enough physical labor to do!

And I remember both of us bending over with aching backs to haul the heavy wet laundry out the front side the thing—even a little girl can get a back-ache, believe it or not. The Bendix induced back pain in users of all ages and sizes.

Why on earth do we think reverting to the 1950s is a good thing?

Then we have the repercussions of the present economic depression. How many of us are putting off buying appliances and other tools that make our lives more tolerable? I, for one, can’t afford to replace my dangerously overheating clothes dryer. It will run on “air fluff,” but that cycle doesn’t dry clothes. Most of my laundry can be hung out. But what happens when I need to wash the down comforter? That has to go through a dryer, and it can’t go into an ultrahot commercial dryer.

If I didn’t have a dryer, I wouldn’t own a feather comforter. I’d be doing the same thing my mother did: hauling heavy woolen blankets and bedspreads to the dry cleaner once a year. When we unwrapped them and put them on the beds, we’d sleep in toxic fumes for two weeks, until the stink dissipated.

How “green” was this? Well, take a look at a map of the Superfund sites in your area, and note how many pieces of land contaminated with dangerous chemicals once housed neighborhood dry cleaners.

While I can stand to hang out my clothes on a line, the truth is that having no working dryer puts one foot back in the 1950s, when most people didn’t own dryers. Or dishwashers. Or electric stoves and ovens. Or televisions. And no one ever heard of a microwave.

We no longer have the Russians to bomb us back into the Dark Ages. The Chinese are too busy turning themselves into the world’s economic superpower to bomb us into the Dark Ages, and the Iraqis are in no position to return the favor just now. But we seem not to need any help: we appear to be taking ourselves there on our own.

Don’t get me wrong: I’d like to see the developed world and everyone else consume less fossil fuel; spew less gunk into the atmosphere; quit polluting air, land, and water with toxic chemicals; quit bulldozing farmlands and blading the desert to make way for square mile on square mile of sprawl; stop torturing animals in grotesque factory “farms”; live well but not so large; and all such good things.  I just don’t think we should do it at the expense of our health. Or at the expense of the positive factors that make us a “developed” country.

Finally shoveled out the pig-pen…

Have you ever noticed, when your computer crashes and has to be carted off to the computer hospital, how great dunes of dust accumulate behind and around the place it occupies? Maybe you’ve also noticed the way computer cords reproduce in the secret cubbyholes behind hardware and under desks. Expose them to the light of day and they start to writhe around.

Gross.

With the iMac out of the house, these conditions became alarmingly apparent here. So today I finally bestirred myself to haul out the rags, sort the tangled cables, beat back the ravening, fanged dust bunnies, pay some bills, sort and (mostly) throw away stacks of paper. Now, finally, we can see the top of the desk. Interestingly, it appears to be made of wood!

Out the door at 6:30 in the morning, headed for a breakfast meeting in Scottsdale. Back in front of the computer, wrestling with the hated BlackBoard until around 2:00 p.m. I think things are now mostly under control…it took some time to hammer the grade sheet back into shape, but the last I saw, it was pretty well under control. Thence to bed-changing and laundry and housecleaning and pool cleaning

Needless to say, no real, productive work has gotten done today.

Nor will it this evening: in another 40 minutes it’s off to another event, it being 5:30 already. Feed the dog first, then out the door again.

God, I hate days like this!

😯

Glory at the end of a devilish day

Dusk came in behind curtains of virga, otherworldly mauve in sunset’s banked furnace. In the distance, thunder, rumbling like bowling balls. Such an ugly day, today: 112 in the shade and muggy, so wet that even inside an air-conditioned box the water condenses on your face, you can’t tell the difference between air, water, and sweat and maybe there isn’t any. Difference, I mean, ou différance. So, so flicking hot.

The morning started with another little disaster. I stuck a piece of bacon in the microwave, set it to 35 seconds. So I thought. God only knows what I really entered in the punch-pad. Set the teakettle over the fire. Funny smell: figured the stove was dirty (damn it, another mess to clean up!), but it would burn off. Smell > stink. What? Where?

Where? In the microwave. Bacon carbonized, paper about to catch fire. Rescue, dump in sink, pour water over it. Stink expands to fill all space available, which happens to be the entire habitation in which I and the dog live.

Seven a.m. and it’s a hundred degrees out there. Shut off the air conditioning. Open all the doors and windows. Turn on every fan in the house as high as it will go.

Clean the microwave. Clean the microwave. Clean the microwave. Pray. Clean the microwave. Clean the microwave. Clean the microwave. Clean the microwave. Pray again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat…

Get the yellow stuff off the microwave’s interior surface, but figure all that scrubbing’s doing naught to get the stink out of the hidden interior parts.

Remember what happened when My Bartleby set fire to her lunch in the office microwave, ruining the microwave once and for all. Price range for replacement over-the range microwaves: $260 to $940. Tra la la! Who doesn’t have that laying around the house?

Hot literally, hot metaphorically. In this endless day nothing goes right. Blackboard, the electronic infrastructure that’s supposed to enhance and simplify the delivery of our courses, went down the instant classes started. Yes. After all those weeks and months of building extravagant, magnificent, elegant courses for our students, the damn thing is down. And it’s not coming up. So much work, so many hours and days and weeks of toil in the hot, hot summer: down the toilet.

Let’s heat it up some more, at the local level: my iMac’s hard drive crashes. It will take $209 to get the damn thing running again. My students can’t get online, and neither can I.

IT to college community:

Update: 8/24/2010 – 7:30 pm

Dear Faculty and Students:

MCCCD and Blackboard teams met again at 5:00 pm this evening to continue working through the connectivity and performance issues. Although additional changes were made throughout the afternoon, we regret to inform you that nothing significant has changed and the connectivity/performance issues continue.

Blackboard will continue with diagnostics and monitoring throughout the evening with 2 hour updates to MCCCD. MCCCD and Blackboard will again convene, via conference call, at 7:00 am in the morning. We will send another update to you as soon as that call completes.

I hunger. Bowling balls in the sky warn against firing up a barbecue, but I want a steak. I do not want to clean more grease off the stovetop. So instead I fire up the broiler, 112 degrees in the shade notwithstanding. What can it matter if the kitchen is a few degrees hotter?

Cooking a steak under an electric oven’s broiler is not unlike microwaving it. Even if you top it with butter, it still comes out gray all over. Oh well. It tasted pretty good.

Hot, so hot. Decide to risk a lightning bolt and dive into the pool. Haul out, cooled down enough to walk the dog. But nooo….

Like popcorn, drops of rain bounce against the patio roof. Slow popping at first, and then a magical frantic rattle. Rain! Actual desert rain.

The desert smells like rain, dust and creosote perfuming the air. Sweet. Finally, sweet.

I do not think God has a gender. She is not a He and He is not a She, though if forced to choose, I’d lean toward She, that being compatible with my subjective point of view. But what He or She invents hideous parasites to torment Its creations? For that matter, what kind of He or She thinks up a mosquito?

Whatever It is, It’s capable of putting on quite a lovely, scented show at the end of a day, a show that turns the day from hideous to tolerable. More than tolerable.

Yesterday, I managed to get through the various local crises fairly calmly. Three months of work on my courses down the tubes. A $2,000 computer melted down. Oh well!

But by midmorning today, I was showing signs of my own melt-down. Not being able to get the boxed computer onto a luggage dolly (to cart it up five stories to the repairman’s office) without causing the dolly to fall apart…that one just about did me in. Freaking flat broke and looking at $210 to fix the computer, $500± to replace the microwave, three months of work down the tubes, 26 students wondering what to do in the absence of course materials, a concentrated 8-week composition course to rewrite right now for no extra pay, no clue how to sell ad space for the Bach Festival program and a deadline of mid-September, a $500 drawdown from Fidelity reduced to 77 cents this month after I told the dude four times not to cut it until the September payment, and—oh, why not?—a white ring on the Stickley side table after a glass sweated water condensation all over it.

Rain is angels weeping.

Dumb Tax: Monster Morning!

Grill, inside-out

Yesterday, after an amazingly hectic day during which I fell off the wagon big time (a glass of wine and two beers!!!), I tumbled into the sack around 10:00 p.m. Weary of awaking at 3:00 a.m., as had happened again in the wee hours of yesterday morning, I dropped an antihistamine hoping to drug myself so as to sleep through the night.

It worked. Didn’t wake up until six.

Stumbled outside to wring out  the dog in the backyard, there to find…a soggy, soggy landscape.

It must have rained all night long. Eighty degrees and the air was just wet. Thick with humidity.

The dog, no fool, refuses to go out. So I have to walk out into the yard trying to coax her (unsuccessfully) to visit the doggy loo. That’s when I notice that…oh yes…

Last night after I marinated and grilled the pound of awe-inspiring prawns I’d nabbed at Costco, I left the grill lid open so the perforated pan that held the shrimp would cool enough for me to wash it. Then, in my exhaustion (not to say inebriation), I totally spaced that I’d done that.

Even when, right before bedtime, I went to let the dog out and found it sprinkling, I failed to recall that the grill was hanging open to the evening skies.

Well.

You never saw such a mess in your entire put-together! The drip pan under the burners was overflowing with rainwater and grease. The cast-iron grates, highly rustable, were dripping greasy water into the interior of the grill. Formerly burned-on grease had somehow absorbed water and swelled up into blobs, like greasy puffed wheat. The ignition knob was soaked, as was every other part of the $400 grill. You could hear the meat-eating ants singing, a little squeaky ant chorus, as they danced a jig of joy around the perimeter of Ant City, knowing all this grease was spread across the earth for them to carry home. A gift, no doubt, from the Ant Goddess.

Two hours later…sweat was dripping into my eyes and off the end of my nose, I was drenched with sweat from top to bottom, my shoes were ruined from greasy water and detergent splashing on them, my hands were a wreck (the rubber gloves having died in the last fiasco I had to deal with), and yesterday’s $50 hairstyle was a sad memory.

And the pool was still full of leaves and devil pods.

To enhance the joy of that challenge, the pool needed to be backwashed. The filter was so clogged, the pump couldn’t push water fast enough to mound the leaves and seed pods into discrete piles so they could be sucked up by the hose bonnet. No way Harvey the Hayward Pool Cleaner could manage all those devil pods: they would choke him to death before he could get halfway across the deep end.

And for more joy enhancement: I shock-treated the pool yesterday, turning it into a puddle of Clorox. This meant I couldn’t even dive into the water this morning to cool off from the hard labor.

Backwashed the pool into the alley, hoping the neighbors would imagine the resulting lake came from the rain. Fortunately, most people don’t go out and about in swampy weather like this.

Recharged the filter. Let the pump run while I fed the dog and…and…yes. Cleaned up the little gift she left under the table, since she wouldn’t go outside into the soggy soggy landscape. Fixed and ate breakfast (mostly coffee, annoyingly decaffeinated). Plodded back out to clean the pool.

The hose bonnet is one of the great unsung inventions of humankind. It vacuumed up about a half bushel of leaves and devil pods. Matter of fact, it cleaned the bottom so well, there was no need to put Harvey back into the pool. Which was good, because he’s allergic to hyperchlorination and shouldn’t be crawling around in there until a shock treatment has dissipated.

Jumped in the pool in spite of the no-no levels of carcinogenic chlorine guaranteed to rot away Harvey’s plastic carapace. This left the skin stinging. Stood under the hot shower for god knows how long, soaking and soaping chemicals off.

The barbecue is now so clean it’s almost good as new. The pool pump is running so efficiently it’s almost silent in its operation.

It is almost noon. And I am going back to bed.

Charging Costs to Your In-Home Business

So over at the Depot I got these nifty (read “cheap”) motion-sensitive coach lights for the front of the house. Yesterday Dave the Electrician came over, hard-wired them, and got them working right. The equally cheap nifty lights I installed when I moved in here five years ago are crumbling away under the radioactive Arizona sunlight.

But more to the point, the  house has been rewired by some moronic former owner so that two of the three lights in front have to be turned on from inside the garage. When the house was built, one switch next to the front door turned them all on. Why anyone would change this escapes me. I suspect it was Satan and Proserpine‘s idea. “Green” was their affectation, and one way they liked to manifest that was with few and dim lights. As long as he was dorking with the electric (for reasons unknown, Satan imagined he was a great electrical handyman) (don’t ask about the DIY 220-volt outlet!), he probably figured he could save electricity by wiring two of the lights into the garage, thereby allowing him to turn on only one light to cut down lawsuits from evening guests tripping over the threshold.

Which brings us to the day’s point: Can I get away with having the S-corporation pay for the new fixtures?

I believe I can. Here’s why:

1. The office, which has a hardened lock on a solid-core door, is now accessible by burglars only through a front window. This window is lighted solely by the front lights. The nearest street lamp is on the other side of the house, and the trees in the front yard shelter the office window from easy view. Thus at night access to the office is facilitated by darkness.

2. The only things of value in the building are inside the office, which, in my absence, is otherwise locked behind a contraption designed to break a burglar’s drill bit—or his foot, should he try to kick his way in.

• I have no jewelry of any note. My baubles by and large come from the craft store.
• The sound system is an ancient stereo that no one would pay money for today.
• The television is an old TV/computer monitor my son had in San Francisco, tiny and antique. At a yard sale it would bring about ten bucks.
• The furniture is 50 years old. It does not qualify as “antique.” It qualifies as “used furniture.”

3. Besides the fact that the only marketable goods in the house are inside the office, the entire value of my business consists of the data stored on its computer, external hard drive, and flash drives. The very existence of the S-corp would be put at risk if someone came in the office’s window and cleaned out all the electronic gear.

4. The neighborhood is under siege from burglars and home invaders. I can prove this by the constant stream of alerts, warnings, and reports from the police and the head of the neighborhood association.

5. Therefore, installing security lights on the front of the house is crucial to maintaining the security and integrity of the business.

These little lights, which probably will last about as long as the crumbling cheapies they replaced, are great. If anybody comes up to the front of the house, they pop on, so that I can look out a window and actually see who or what is out there.

In the previous regime, if I heard something in the night I could only turn on one light, which did not illuminate the courtyard. There’s no way I’m going to walk into the garage to turn on the other two lights, not if there’s even the remotest possibility that someone’s prowling around outside. The garage has a side door. Even though I put a security door over it, I have to go in and out that side very morning to water the plants, and half the time I forget to flip the deadbolt shut when I come back in. Sometimes I re-enter the house through the back door and forget to close the security door altogether. So, in the middle of the night, opening the door from the kitchen to the garage is an invitation for the burglar to come right in.

Lights that come on automatically if there’s anyone sneaking around out there will allow me to see the person and call 911. And they should deter burglars from breaking in the office window when I’m out.

I like these, because they’re open on the bottom, allowing me to change the bulb without having to deconstruct the whole fixture. Amazon has a cheaper motion-sensitive coach light, but you have to take it apart to change the bulb. That entails work, which goes against my principles.

Now, while it’s true that the new fixtures light the residential part of the house as well as the room devoted to the office, the fact is the only things of any value inside the house are in the office, and if those things are lost, the corporation goes bust. So, I think it’s reasonable to argue that the fixtures can be expensed through the corporation.