Funny about Money

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. ―Edmund Burke

Smart-Ass Answers: The Christmas Gambit

LOL! The adventures pursuant to my son’s having asked for “money” as a Christmas present remind me of a couple of Christmas Presents Past. As I mentioned in that post, his dad was given to similar smart-ass answers to the ever-annoying “what d’you want for Christmas” question. The real answer, of course, is “nothing,” since most middle- and upper-income people can afford to buy what they want when they want it, and so in general do not want more junk inflicted on them to mark the passing of the 25th day of December.

One year I asked then-DH what he wanted for Christmas. As usual, he answered “money.” This had become not very amusing by now — we were several years into the marriage, and concomitantly that many pointless answers to a pointless annual question.

So. I was teaching at the Great Desert University at the time. I didn’t earn much — GDU doesn’t pay real faculty much, and I was just a graduate teaching assistant. But I did get a paycheck of sorts.

That December, I took said paycheck down to to the bank and had it cashed: into $1 bills.

These I packed, in rather a jumble, into a large shoebox. Mixed with air, the dollar bills filled the box right up. Then I wrapped it in the prettiest paper I could find and zinged it up with lots of ribbons and bows. Put it under the Christmas tree and sincerely hoped we didn’t get burgled before the Big Day.

It worked. He thought it was very funny. Of course, I gave him some other present, an object of some sort. Don’t remember what: no doubt something that he didn’t want or need, any more than I wanted or needed the junk he felt called upon to give me.

The next time I asked him what he wanted for Christmas, he said “real estate.”


This guy was one of the first franchise lawyers in the nation, and his biggest client was Red Carpet Real Estate. I happened to have met the boss at some social shindig, so he vaguely knew who I was.

I called the guy at his office and asked him if I could get one of his business cards, explaining that I was cooking up a custom-made present for his lawyer. Amused, he forked over a fistful of the things.

Then I got a small square bonzai pot, a small succulent, and a small cactus, plus a few stones. Filled this with soil, planted the critters in it, and added the decorative stones. Then I took two of the Red Carpet cards and glued them back-to-back to some matchsticks to make a “Real Estate” sign. This, I planted in the pot, too.

He actually was quite tickled with that. He took it down to his office, where it resided for years. And in fact, years after our divorce, I visited his office — two lawfirms later — and noticed he still kept it on his backbar! 😀

Is there a moral to this story? 😀

Never ask smartass wife for a smartass present.

Author: funny

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