Coffee heat rising

Another Close Doggy Call

 Damn! These stupid people who let their dogs run loose off the leash!!!!

You’ll recall that a year or two ago Cassie the Corgi was nearly killed by some moron’s loose German shepherd. Fortunately, the mane around her neck is so thick, the dog got such a mouthful of fur he couldn’t pick her up off the ground to break her back, though he tried valiantly.

Tonight we were headed home the back way from a long stroll around the neighborhood. It was a pink dusk after one of the most spectacular sunsets I’ve ever seen.

As we came around a corner, I saw one of the neighbor’s sweet little twin daughters playing on the street, riding a cute little scooter. “Where’s her mom?” I wondered. Not an adult in sight.

But…she was not altogether unguarded.

Our young neighbors have acquired a tall, slender, questionably bred German shepherd…and that was who was keeping an eye on the little girl.

When this critter saw me and Cassie coming up the sidewalk, it flew into a full-bore charge, hackles raised and fangs set to go.

I didn’t have time to pick Cassie up, but I did manage to get between her and the shepherd. As it reached us I gave it a quick knee to the ribs and a sharp “NO! BAD DOG” and then yelled to the little girl to get her daddy or mommy. The child hesitated and so I hollered at her to run!

And thank God she took off like a shot on her scooter, out of harm’s way. Once the protective GerShep lost its concentration, it lapsed into normal dog-on-dog investigation and they were OK. Though its hackles never did lay down smooth.

And God was on Cassie’s side tonight. This shepherd was far less aggressive than the last monster, and far less dog-aversive. Or, we might figure, far smarter: it seemed to realize a pint-sized pooch wasn’t much threat, and I think it (mistakenly) believed I was sort of in charge.

The mother eventually materialized out of the house and apologized. I refrained personfully from using the Stupid B- phrase to her face.

Cassie and I retreated back around the corner, where I had to sit down on the curb for awhile, until I stopped shaking.

The older and the crankier I get, the harder it is for me to bite my tongue where stupid people are concerned. Maybe it’s because I’ve run into so damn many stupid people the tongue is getting sore.

But honestly. What gets into people?

Okay, I guess if you haven’t lived with a string of German shepherds, you don’t have a clue. But forgodsake, don’t GET a dog that’s bigger than you and is capable of removing your neighbor’s freaking head until you have some idea what you’re getting into!

A shepherd dog is bred to take care of herds of delicious ruminants. Its JOB is to PROTECT. That’s what it does, sort of like breathing. Take it into your family and present it with a couple of small children, and it will naturally think it’s supposed to protect those children. You, living just down the road from the territory of a menacing street gang and generally feeling a bit under siege, will naturally think that’s cool. You will congratulate the dog for herding up your little sheep and acting as though it would die to keep any harm from coming to them. And that will naturally confirm the dog’s instinct.

So. When you let your little kid play out in the front yard without an adult human watching over her, in an urban neighborhood like this (or probably in any other neighborhood), you signal that you are a moron. When you leave your German shepherd to babysit out there, now socialized to believe its job is to keep the wolves away from the little lamb, you not only signal that you are a moron, you open yourself to a lawsuit whose vastness defies your limited imagination.

I have sooo had it with stupid people.

Anna-in-the-garlic

R.I.P., Anna H. Banana

Yet Another Reason to Feed Your Dog Real Food

Cassie the CorgiLordie. The FDA is still going on and on about the chicken jerky dog treats thought to be sickening thousands of pet dogs and cats and to have killed several hundred. If in fact the Chinese-made treats are the cause of whatever ails the beasts, the researchers can’t even figure out what’s in the things that’s making the animals sick.

We used to give Charley and Cassie this particular variety of treats. I think Costco hadn’t marked them as coming from China — after the great melamine flap, I absolutely will not give my dog anything that came from China, and I try to avoid eating Chinese products myself.

Normally I wouldn’t give Cassie treats at all, but with the puppy around the house, I couldn’t give him anything without giving the same to the Queen of the Universe, too. Not and continue living, anyway… 🙄

Cassie gets real food. It’s actually very easy to prepare a balanced diet for a dog, right in  your kitchen: combine 1/4 starch, 1/4 vegetables (not corn, not onion, not grapes, not avocadoes), and 1/2 cooked meat, and voilà! You’ve got a healthy, happy dog and you’ve freed yourself from these recurring flaps over the commercial foodoids. The cost is not significantly more than a high-end commercial dog food — and those fancy foods are produced in the same factories with the same ingredients as the cheapest Ole Yaller chow you can find at a discount mart. All of the major brands in all price ranges outsource ingredients to China.

 Treats? She likes pieces of inexpensive cheese, bits of apple, carrot, cabbage, pear, melon (dogs love melon), potato, bread…whatever. In the doggy  mind, whatever the human is eating must be good. You can give a dog just about anything you eat with the exception of onions, garlic, chocolate, corn, and anything containing caffeine or alcohol, all of which are toxic to canids. Grapes and avocado are also said to disagree with dogs. Refined sugar and heavily salted foodoids are bad for dogs for the same reason they’re bad for you. Otherwise, anything goes.

If you feel your life will be stunted if you can’t give the dog something that looks like cookies, it’s pretty easy to make dog treats. Just google “homemade dog treats” and up will come a bonanza of recipes.

New Corgi Puppy: The Word Is OUT!

LOL! My Life with Dogs could be a novel. Or a stage play:

Neighbor Couple with Chocolate Lab, on hearing the news that Cassie’s Human hopes for a pup next spring:   Ohhhhhh! That’s exactly the size of dog we want for our next dog! We’re getting a little old to handle a bigger dog.

Cassie’s Human: Google “Corgie breeder Wittmann Arizona”!

Cassie, eying Chocolate Lab: Hm…. you appear to be fairly tame, don’t you? You may genuflect to me.

***

Young Woman Being Dragged Up the Street by a Fine-Looking Coon Hound; she has NO IDEA what a coon hound is for: A new puppy? That is SOOO wonderful!

Cassie: Make my day, you chucklehead!

Coon Hound: Holy sh!t!!!

Young woman: Gaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! (Doppler effect as Young Woman and Coon Hound disappear into the distance)

***

Cassie’s Human: ….and I put a deposit down on a corgi pup due to be born next spring…

Cassie’s Human’s Son: Uh huh. (Evinces no sign of surprise.)

Cassie’s Human (aside): How does he get to be a mind-reader?

Cassie, addressing Charley the Golden Retriever: You do remember who’s boss here, right? You little chucklehead!

Charley the Golden Retriever: Yes, Majesty!

***

La Maya, loyal servant to two dachshunds: Wittmann???? Augh! That’s where we got Hans. He developed Valley Fever less than a week after we got him…the vet says it was because of all the dust out there…

Cassie’s Human (aside): Holy sh!t!!!

Cassie, smiling sweetly at Hans: Make my day, you little chucklehead!

Hans jumps up onto the sofa, out of Cassie’s reach.

La Maya: Better ask them if they also breed dachshunds!

***

Pretty Young Blonde, being dragged up the street by a large, scrawny, abused-looking Adolescent Heinz-57 Pup: (pant pant pant!) Don’t worry, he’s friendly!

Cassie’s Human: Right. I’m sure!

Cassie: Make my day, you little chucklehead!

Adolescent Heinz-57 Pup: You’re so adorable!!! (Adolescent bounds up to Cassie, dragging Pretty Young Blonde into the fray.)

Cassie: Let me out of this thing so I can kill the little chucklehead! Cassie slips her lead and circles around to confront Adolescent Heinz-57 Pup.

Pretty Young Blonde: Eeeeek!

Cassie’s Human: Uh oh….

Cassie: One step closer and you die, you little chucklehead!

Adolescent Heinz-57 Pup:  I LOVE you!

Cassie: You  may prove it by bowing down and making obeisance. If you’re good enough at it, I may let you live. Briefly.

Pretty Young Blonde hauls Adolescent Heinz-57 Pup away. Dust settles.

Cassie’s Human: And…uhm, where did you get THAT thing?

Pretty Young Blonde: I just adopted him yesterday from the Humane Society!

Cassie’s Human (aside): What were you smoking at the time? Cassie’s Human reaffixes collar to Cassie, pretending that this matters. Speaking to Pretty Young Blonde: He’s very, uhm, cute!

Pretty Young Blonde, hollering as she’s being dragged away: We’re taking him to obedience training on Monday!!!

Cassie: That should be quite the spectacle.

***

KJG, loyal servant of a Doberman pinscher:   You’re kidding!

Cassie’s Human: No, seriously! The pups are expected in March.

KJG: Oh, my.

***

Cassie’s Human’s Accountant and  Friend: You’re kidding!!!!

Cassie’s Human: No, seriously! The pups are expected in March.

Cassie’s Human’s Accountant lapses into stunned silence.

***

So it goes: life with the humans that belong to dogs in the Valley of the Sun. We all can’t wait to meet the New Pup.

De-Greyhounded…

It was weird, actually: the moment I saw the dog, I knew this was not gonna work. Hard to say exactly why. Gut feeling? Dog mental telepathy?

Friday afternoon, right at the height of the homeward-bound traffic, I schlepped Cassie, as bidden, to the darkest depths of a vast suburb that feeds the Valley’s ever-more-unholy rush hour. At a Petco store there, we were to meet a rep of the greyhound rescue group, who was to bring the candidate pooch to be introduced to me and Cassie. Presumably, that very evening we were to spirit him away in the Dog Chariot, to live doggily ever after here at the Funny Farm.

paduak_webPadauk is a pretty hound, not very big, with a rich brindle coat. He has the kind of neuter personality of a kennel dog — they don’t develop what we think of as “personality” until they’ve been around humans for six months or a year. But he did have one trait that marked him distinctly: the instant Cassie walked into the room, his eyes dilated eagerly and he watched every flick of her hair.

THAT looked like dinner to him, and he wanted to catch it.

After a while, he settled down a bit and actually sniffed at her as though he recognized she was a dog…upon which she tried to bite him.

Not a match made in doggie heaven, I’m afraid.

It was a little hard to tell how they might have gotten on, because the organizers had four or five hounds in the room where we met, along with four other prospective greyhound adopters and several people from the rescue group. It was a strange place for Cassie, it was crowded, and all of the dogs were no doubt a little stressed.

However, after observing Padauk’s initial response to the corgi, I realized that they could never be left together unsupervised — every time I walked out the door, even for a few minutes, they’d have to be separated with a door between them, or he would have to be crated (I really don’t want a big old dog cage sitting in my living room or family room…). And I figured the minute that hound saw Cassie shoot off down the hall after Ball or fly across the yard after Other Daughter’s cat, he would be right on her.

So Padauk was left on the far end of Tempe. Oh well. Probably for the best.

If Cassie is to have a live-in pal, it looks like she’d better get him as a puppy and he’d better be about her size when he’s grown. Then she can train him up to her own exacting standards…

 

Why?

why, why, WHY…..

…when you get on the road, does every moron in the land get in front of you?

…when people see you backing out of a parking spot and must be able to grasp that if you’re creeping out from behind some honkin’ huge opaque SUV you can’t possibly see them coming, do they drive right behind you?

…do they do the same damnfool thing when they’re on foot?

…after the first idiot almost gets walloped in this maneuver, does the next idiot coming up behind him do the same goddamn thing?

…on the day you decide to get a flu shot, does every Walgreen’s in the city run out?

…do people pay Safeway $4.33 a pound for apples that are available, in the same variety, a half-mile down the road at Sprouts, for $1.99 a pound?

…do people pay Safeway $1.99 a pound for old yaller onions that can be had, less than three minutes down the road at Sprouts, for 58 cents a pound?

…are customers who shop in Safeway so fuckin’ rude? (Oh…I know: because they’re getting ripped off every which way from Sunday!)

…if Safeway can get small, ripe avocadoes, can’t Sprouts get them?

…when your patience is short and your temper is frayed, do two HUMONGOUS flatbeds loaded with heavy equipment elect to occupy the only two lanes on the road, side by side?

…does a radio station that has a decent format and plays cowboy music pleasing enough  to provide an occasional break from the nonstop NPR yak-a-thon decide to change that format and schlock it up?

…do the onions frying on the stove decide they’re cooked when you have exactly half your hot rollers pinned to your head?

…does algae grow on the bottom of your Brita pitcher?

…do the greyhound rescue people have to trot out their dogs at a suburban pet store halfway to freakin’ Tucson, and do it during the accursed, mega-gawdawful rush hour?

…would anyone deliberately choose to live in Tempe, Arizona?

…on earth did I ever imagine a full-grown coursing hound would be a good match for a short, squat herding dog that looks a lot like a rabbit?

P1010966Rabbit

Corgi

Rabbit

paduak_web

↑Large hunting dog
Not a corgi
Not a rabbit

Dogs That Bite

Blue_nose_pit_bull_puppy Okay, folks. I’m about to make some of you very, very angry. Sorry about that. But what’s happened here — and what happens hundreds of times a year — makes me mad and it should make you mad.

Let me start by saying I love my dogs just as much as you love your dogs.

However. We need to be realistic about what dogs are and about what a dog can do. Any dog, even a little one, can inflict serious damage on a human, especially if that human is a child. Big dogs can kill. And they do. With surprising frequency.

This week yet another little child here in Arizona was killed by pit bulls. The mother had left her kids with a long-time, trusted babysitter, a woman who usually came to the family’s home. For reasons unexplained in the media, this particular day she decided to leave the kids at the sitter’s home. At some point the sitter went outside to tend to the dogs, carrying the two-year-old in her arms. After she released them from their backyard kennel, in a routine way that she had done all their lives, the animals unexpectedly turned on her. They grabbed the baby away from her and attacked both the child and the woman. She tried to protect the child by covering him with her body, to no avail. He was killed and she was gravely injured.

Folks. A dog is not your child. A dog is not your benign little pal. No, not even if nothing could seem sweeter than your canine sidekick. Not even if it’s true that the more people you get to know, the better you like your dog. If you’re going to have dogs around you, you need to understand and be realistic about what they are — for your safety and for the safety of everyone you and they meet.

A dog is a mutated wolf. Over about 20,000 years, it has evolved to live with humans, and during that time its biology and psychology have changed. It breeds more often than a wolf does. It no longer has that big scent gland at the base of its tail. It can thrive on a more omnivorous diet than a wolf needs. It can follow the direction that your hand is pointing in. To a degree, it can understand many of the words you utter, and it can grasp your intentions by the tone of your voice, the expression on your face, the body language of your stance and your gestures. It may even think you’re part of its pack. Most of these are things an undomesticated wolf cannot or will not do.

Canis_lupus_lupus_qtl1But it is still a wolf. Many of its lupine characteristics persist in beneficial ways — the dog’s pack instinct, for example, makes it a useful companion for pods of humans, and its instinct to work together with other pack members lends it to hunting, herding, guarding…and those are good things. But that instinct is double-edged.

Wolves are predators. They are evolved to kill, and they kill by biting. That is the underlying nature of a dog. It’s something you forget at your peril.

Dogs have not evolved by accident and merry serendipity. They have become what they are today because humans deliberately manipulate their genes by breeding, giving us a wide variety of dog types with a wide variety of dog mentalities. All dogs can and, under certain conditions, will bite. But some dogs are significantly more dangerous than others. These include pit bulls — yes! And German shepherds, Rottweilers, doberman pinschers, St. Bernards, malamutes, chows, huskies, all of the Molosser breeds, and mixed-breed offspring of these varieties.

All dogs are capable of biting, but these breeds can be exceptionally dangerous. If you don’t believe me, take a look at this site. Read this stuff. Look at the photos. Watch the videos. Every day a thousand Americans are bitten seriously enough to need emergency care. That’s 4.7 million bites a year, of which 800,000 require medical care. The most dangerous dogs are pit bulls and other breeds developed specifically for fighting (and I’m sorry to have to say this, but “Pitties don’t bite unless they’re abused” is a myth).  Between 1982 and 2006, pit bulls, Rotweillers, Presa Canarios and mixes thereof were responsible for 65 percent of the fatal attacks on humans.

And now let me tell you a little story about what happened to my son.

At the time M’hijito was born, I had a German shepherd. Her name was Greta.

Greta was the single most extraordinary dog I have ever known. She would allow small children to crawl all over her and even poke her in the eyes; when she grew tired of this, she would simply stand up, shake them off, and walk away. She could recognize the difference between a stranger who meant no harm and one who bore watching. When roused — as she was the time a burglar entered the house in the middle of the night — she could be utterly, unthinkably terrifying. But where her own humans and their friends were concerned, she was mellow.

Every day Greta and I would walk around the neighborhood.

By the time my son was a toddler, she was getting on in years. She always would heel off the leash, and in my youthful callowness I rarely put her on a lead when we took our strolls through the yuppified historic district where we lived.

Our neighbors across the street had a dog about Greta’s size, a German shepherd mix named Colonel. This dog was allowed to lay around the front yard. Often when my son, Greta, and I would go for a walk, Colonel would amble along with us.

My little boy thought Colonel was about the funniest thing that ever came along, and Colonel loved little children. Colonel would allow the kids to hold onto his tail as he led them around.

So it was this particular afternoon. Colonel led the way up the sidewalk, with my son hanging onto his long, pennant-like red tail. I followed about ten or fifteen feet behind them, and Greta brought up the rear, pausing now and again to pee on the neighbor’s lawns and smell the flowers. Or whatever it is that dogs like to smell. She was a good twenty feet behind me.

As we approached Third Avenue, we came to a house on the corner that had a large wall around the side yard. This wall blocked the view of the street to the left of us.

Third Avenue had a bicycle path that was popular with the Yuppie residents, who, like today’s young upwardly mobile types, cherished physical fitness and would use the road for jogging and running.

When Colonel and my son, well ahead of me, came to this corner, all of a sudden up from behind the wall came a willowy young woman at a full run, with a great Dane on a leash about a body’s length ahead of her.

My son was a very small boy, the sort who doesn’t yet fully know language. He expressed delight and joy with a high-pitched squeal and a flapping of his little arms.

The instant he saw this huge dog, he shrieked QUEEEEKIEE QUEEEEKIEEEE QUEEEEEEEEE! and he dropped Colonel’s tail and ran ecstatically toward the woman and the dog, waving his hands in the air.

The dog, not surprisingly, saw this as an attack. It responded accordingly.

Dragging the woman, it lunged at my child. I jumped after him, snatched at him, just barely caught his jacket — and he pulled away from me. The dog grabbed and connected.

My little boy’s entire head fit inside this animal’s mouth.

Colonel ran away.

At this point things started to move in slow motion. Everything went silent. The dog had the child. The woman managed to keep her footing. She hauled on the leash with exactly no effect. I swam toward the child and the dog as through molasses.

From my right side, something came flying through the air.

It was Greta. She had come up beside me and leaped airborne before she reached me. She shot past me at chest height and barreled full force into the Dane.

I plunged into the melee, caught the boy, and yanked him out from beneath the two dogs. They fell into an explosive ball right where he’d been a fraction of an instant before. Greta had knocked the Dane off my son, disconnecting its jaws from his head, so I was able to pull him away, miraculously uninjured.

Things didn’t look so good for Greta, though. She fell beneath the great Dane and it went after her.

As it set to tearing her apart, all of a sudden it collapsed. It had passed out.

Pulling on the leash, the young woman had squeezed its windpipe enough to cut off so much air the Dane lost consciousness.

Stunned stupid, I said to her, “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

“That’s OK,” she said coolly. The dog quickly regained consciousness and just as quickly returned to her control. “This happens all the time.”

Holy sh!t.

* * *

Well. There was a lot of stupidity going on there. First off, I was roaming around in public with my son and two large dogs, none of whom were directly in my control. That was very, very stupid.

But “This happens all the time“? What was that about? If you have a dog that weighs more than you do — as this animal certainly did, in the woman’s case — and you know it can go so far out of control that you have to haul on its collar until it freaking PASSES OUT, what on earth are you doing running up and down the streets with it?

Both of us had lost track of just what a dog is and how dangerous it can be. I was extremely lucky — no, make that my son was extremely lucky — that one of the animals involved happened to be on our side. My son came within a fraction of an instant of being permanently maimed, if not killed.

So, am I saying you shouldn’t have a dog? Obviously not. I’ve had four German shepherds and a doberman pinscher over the years, to say nothing of the beagle, the schnauzer, the Labrador retriever, the golden retriever, the greyhound, and the corgi. I wouldn’t be without a dog — they add a great deal of pleasure to life.

However, I am saying that you should keep your common sense about you when you have a dog and when you’re around other people’s dogs.

First and foremost, please: Remember that it is a DOG, not your furry little child!

Avoid breeds that have been developed as guard dogs, attack dogs, and fighting dogs.

Socialize pups from a very early age — around other dogs and around humans, including children.

Obedience-train your dog thoroughly. If you don’t know how to do so, refrain from imagining that you can figure it out from YouTube videos. Take classes. Hire a trainer. Be sure your dog will heel, sit, stop on command, and come to call. Keep practicing these skills throughout the animal’s life.

Establish yourself as the head of the pack. If your personality does not allow you to pull this off, get a cat instead. Or maybe a goldfish?

Never let your dog off the leash in public, even in your own front yard. This is for your protection and your dog’s protection as much as for others’ safety.

Do not take your dog to dog parks. That is asking for trouble.

Don’t run your dog beside your bicycle — on or off leash. For the reasons why not, ask a) your orthopedist and b) your veterinarian.

Don’t let a dog into a room where an infant or small child is sleeping unattended. In fact, never leave a child unattended with a dog, even if you do buy the story that pit bulls were bred to be children’s nannies.

Don’t be an idiot about other people’s dogs. “He doesn’t bite,” “he’s friendly,” and “he loves children” are statements that should be regarded as sentimental errors if not downright lies. When you have your own dog or a child with you, proceed with caution.

Teach your children to ask if it’s OK before trying to pet any dog. And teach them how to pet a dog without alarming it.

Do not leave your child at the home of a babysitter who owns one or more pit bulls. Or any of the other dogs regarded by experts as potentially aggressive, over-protective, or unpredictable. Let’s go over those again:

Pit bulls, German shepherds, Rottweilers, doberman pinschers, St. Bernards, malamutes, chows, huskies, all of the Molosser breeds, and mixed-breed offspring of these varieties.

If your next-door neighbor owns pit bulls or any of the above-mentioned potentially dangerous breeds, do not let your kids play in the backyard unattended. Several of the tragedies in our parts have happened when neighbors’ vicious dogs have scaled or broken through a fence and gone after kids or elderly adults.

If you imagine that you simply must have one of these breeds, be sure you have the skills and personality characteristics to train and handle it effectively. Videlicet:

♦ You need a calm and assertive nature.
♦ You cannot be violent or abusive — if this is your style, take in a convicted murderer as a roommate instead. It’ll be safer.
♦ You must have time and patience to work with the dog every day, several times a day.
♦ Your lifestyle must accommodate a “job” for the dog, and that does not include sitting in the backyard and barking. Agility training, advanced obedience training, herding, tracking, rescue, and the like are appropriate work for these breeds.
♦ If you can’t establish yourself as the head dog calmly and as a matter of course, do not get one of these breeds.
♦ You must be smarter than the dog…which may not be as easy as some of us think. 😉

About half of dogs in Phoenix’s shelters are pit bulls or pit mixes. They’re favored by criminal gangs, which are growing robustly in these parts as poverty spreads and drug use continues. Sometimes these people use them in dog-fighting; sometimes as guard dogs; sometimes just to show how macho they are. The result is that we have way, way too many of this type of dog. Do not breed pit bulls and pit bull mixes. Do not buy them as puppies, thereby encouraging backyard breeding of still more unwanted, potentially aggressive dogs. If you must have one, adopt it from a shelter.

And remember: it’s a dog!

Images:
Blue-nose pit bull puppy. Tattooedwaitress.
GNU Free Documentation License.
Eurasian wolf. Quartl. Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.