Annals of the Floored & Flabbergasted

So while we’re on the subject of dogs… Did you realize that anyone — not just a legitimate handler — can get one of those dog harness vests that distinguishes the animal as a service dog? With one of those on cute little Fang, you can take your dog in a restaurant, grocery store, or just about any other establishment, and you can take your dog on a plane in the passenger compartment, for free.

Think how handy and dandy that would be.

Convenient, indeed. During a good five or six months of every year, you can’t safely leave your dog in the car here in Arizona, not even long enough to run into the supermarket and grab a few salad ingredients. In fact, you can be arrested for doing so.

Often when I would take the German shepherd for a walk in one of the desert parks, I’d have liked to drop by a store on the way home. That the dog couldn’t stay in the car meant I had to schlep her all the way home and then go back out for the errand — adding miles to the day’s driving. People used to take their pet dogs into the Home Depot on hot days, but after awhile the management issued a “No Dawgs” edict.

It actually occurred to me to try to trick out a standard harness to make it look like a service dog vest. I assumed that these highly trained dogs had to be certified and registered, and that you could only obtain gear like this from organizations that did that kind of training.

Wrong. It’s all over the Web. Amazon sells them in all sizes, shapes and colors, some with free patches and ID cards claiming the wearer is a service animal.

You can get an ID card with the dog’s picture on it. You can get a card outlining the rights of disabled persons to use service dogs and informing people that they can ask you only two questions — “Is this a service animal?” and “What does it do to help you?”

Businesses cannot deny access to a service dog unless it behaves disruptively — and they have to take your word for it that the animal is a service dog. Fear of dogs or allergies on the part of employees or customers is not a reason to refuse entrance. Owners are not required to have the dog certified or registered as a service animal. Airlines have special policies on how they fulfill the federal law requiring them to let you take your service dog on board, but other businesses are not allowed to demand proof that the animal is trained and registered; they have to accept your word for it.

Landlords also have to rent to people with service dogs and HOAs must allow them in condo communities — whether or not they have a “no pets” policy.

To take an “emotional service animal” — a dog meant to comfort you if you have a psychological issue — on a plane, you have to provide a letter from a psychologist or other qualified mental health worker saying you need the critter. But guess what? You can get those online, too!  For $164 and a minimal amount of hassle, at least one outfit will provide a prescription letter! Turnaround time is 24 hours after you’ve jumped through the online hoops.

To take your service animal on a plane, you need a letter of verification. You can buy one online for $75.  The vendor wants to charge you $75 for an annual renewal, but obviously, once you have one of these things, it would be easy to reproduce it on a computer. “Test scores, raw data, test questions/answers, and subjective results of interview questions, and counseling session notes,” they say, “are not available to clients or other inquirers. Only the specific services purchased will be provided.”  That is, no one can verify it!  Airlines have to take this outfit’s word for it.

Not surprisingly, we are far from the first to realize that it’s pretty easy to faze Poochie past just about anyone you please by claiming she’s a service dog. Any dog, including a chihuahua or a poodle, can qualify, especially if you claim it’s there to alert you of a pending seizure or to head off a nervous breakdown. People with real disabilities are rightfully irked at fakers and their phony service dogs.

In general, asking the dog owner much about the need for the animal violates the ADA. To take the dog into a business or get it into a no-pets-allowed rental or condo community, you’re not required to prove you’re disabled. Skeptics are prohibited from asking just what ailment you have that requires you to bring your dog into their restaurant or lodge it in their apartment building.  You can order a card, also online, that outlines your legal rights, which you can then shove in the face of anyone who dares to challenge you.

Three federal laws give service dogs special privileges:

The Americans with Disabilities Act grants service dogs access to public places, such as restaurants, stores and offices. The owner may not be questioned about disability but may be asked about the tasks the dog performs. A harness or leash must be worn unless it interferes with the dog’s work — but there’s no requirement that this gear mark the dog as a service animal.

The Air Carrier Act allows service dogs to fly in cabin of airplane. Passengers with emotional support or psychiatric service dogs may be asked to provide proof of disability and treatment from mental health professional.

The Fair Housing Act allows people with disabilities to keep emotional-support animals, even when landlord or homeowner’s association prohibits pets. It allows some limited questioning about disability and animal support.

Some of this has gone beyond the pale. For example, a while back we had the guy who claimed his parrot was a service animal.  Miniature horses, monkeys, ferrets, and even an iguana have been declared to be service animals..

Over the past couple of years, the government has made some efforts to curb the silliness. Just now, we’re told, “Only dogs and miniature horses may qualify as service animals; other species are now excluded.” But it doesn’t apply in all contexts: the Fair Housing Act,which applies to most permanent and semipermanent homes, retains the old, broader definition.

What if you’re allergic to horses or dogs and might get seriously ill being exposed to them in, say, a restaurant? Whose disability trumps whose?

What do you think? Should owners of all service animals be required to prove they really are disabled? And should service animals be licensed and registered — through a government agency, not through some Internet enterprise selling questionable paperwork?

Good grief. Take a look at this report on the F-35. I’d heard before that the expensive new fighter jets are generally hated by pilots and not what you’d call a good value for the taxpayer dollar. But it’s much, much worse than I thought.

These things are about to be inflicted on the Valley of We-Do-Mean Sun, as Luke Air Force Base, a beloved boon to the local economy, is a fighter-pilot training base. We’re told the racket they make is magnitudes worse than the F-16’s, whose roar can be heard clear over at my house all the way from the far West Valley. This is one of several reasons I’ve declined my dear friend’s suggestions that I move to newer, more broadly middle-class westside housing closer to her and resisted SDXB’s blandishments to move to Sun City, also under the flight path. At any rate, the noise pollution issue is what originally brought my attention to the new model. It didn’t sound good then, and it sounds a whole lot more dubious now.

Medium.com, the source of this article, is one of several new long-read sorts of sites I’ve recently added to the Web-surfing list. Check out this lighter but right-on post at the same site.

Pro Publica, in my humble opinion, is the emperor of the long-read websites. Funded by philanthropic contributions, Pro Publica’s operators describe it as “an independent, non-profit newsroom that produces investigative journalism in the public interest.” And that they do, with élan. One series won the 2011 Pulitzer Prize for National Reporting, the first such prize ever for stories not published in print, and an earlier story took a 2010 Pulitzer Prize for Investigative Reporting, the first such award to an online news organization. More recently, a story broadcast with This American Life won a 2013 Peabody Award. Articles here are well researched, well written, and often eye-opening. Here’s one that’ll get your attention, and if that doesn’t, then this series certainly will…

Longreads is a great and reliable place to find something interesting to read. It aggregates full-length nonfiction articles from a wide variety of publications. Like a good detective story? Here’s one from real life. And in the true crime department, Tara of Streets Ahead Living commented on this article in relation to restrictions placed on purchases of ordinary OTC cold nostrums and nail polish remover.

If you can stand its political slant, Mother Jones runs some excellent investigative pieces — and they don’t seem to mind goring their own oxen, when it’s called for.

PopSci has also become a regular check-in. Posts are short, light, and over-simplified, but often amusing to read or watch.

One that’s pending is called Epic Magazine — it’s expected to publish long-form nonfiction on subjects interesting enough to lure movie options, in hopes of creating a market that will allow writers to make a living wage. So far the proprietors haven’t put much up, but it’s worth keeping an eye on the site.

That used to be the function of the Fourth Estate — cluing the electorate to the boondoggles. Alas, with print  journalism dying on the vine, it gets harder and harder for most Americans to get this kind of information. There’s only so much Frontline can do. Recently, though, web presences like the ones above have stepped in to fill the ever-yawning gap left by the death of the metropolitan daily.

Seek them out. Read them. If you can, support them. And let your elected officials you know what they wish you didn’t know.

😉

Image: The U.S. Navy variant of the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, the F-35C. Public domain.

Some of us prefer paper and pencil (yea verily, graphite) for making notes and keeping calendars. Consider:

• A pencil does not have to be turned on, rebooted, or turned off.
• Pencils are never updated.
• Once you know how to use a pencil, there’s never a new learning curve to figure out how to keep on using it.
• Pencils never stop working just because the power goes out.
• Pencils cannot be hacked by some jerk in Russia.
• Pencils cannot readily be watched by Big Brother.
• If you lose it, a pencil can be replaced easily and cheaply.
• No one can call you on a pencil while you’re in the middle of lunch or dodging homicidal drivers on the freeway.

The best button on the TV remote is the “Off” button.

PBS’s beg-a-thons are more intrusive than advertising because they take whole shows off the air and replace them with garbage.

I never could understand why PBS imagines people who are affluent enough to donate are fascinated by bloviated lectures and superannuated pop musicians.

A person who would upholster the seat of a dining-room chair in white fabric with satiny-looking fleurs-de-lis either never eats or is crazy as a loon.

Loons get a bad rap as crazies, especially as compared with the jabbering great ape that has taken over the planet.

Subjecting yourself to plastic surgery because you imagine it will make you look younger is amazingly stupid.

The pathetic idea that you must get cosmetic surgery to hide your age so you can get or keep a job reflects a truly ugly loathing for the elderly already widespread and rapidly growing in American culture.

Except in the direst emergencies, cop helicopters should be banned from flying over residential neighborhoods.

Gawker “news” helicopters should be banned, period.

High heels were and still are designed by men who hate women.

Images: Pencil, heels: public domain. Chair: shamelessly ripped off from an estate-sale ad.