Coffee heat rising

Dispatches from Hell

WHO would do such a thing??????

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Holeeee GAWD!  I just went out in back and discovered that ALL of the watering system has been turned off.

When, I do not know. It sure as hell wasn’t turned off by me. Not in 110-degree heat, of that  you may be sure.

So either one of the yard dudes did it (not bloody likely) or some visiting workman vandalized my yard.

Think I caught it (I hope) in time to save at least some of the plantings. Just now, water is POURING to the citrus trees. They’re bone-dry…normally get water a couple times a week. But forgodsake: the hedges? The citrus trees — ALL of them? The climbing roses? The cat’s-claw vines in gay abandon….

WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD DO A THING LIKE THAT???

They had to have known what they were doing…because they turned off ALL the watering zones!  There’s half a dozen of them!!

And it has to have been someone who had a key, because the back gate is kept locked.

Holeeee shee-ut!

Well…I guess I’ll need to have all the locks on the exterior gates changed….how many is that?  Let’s see…

1…1…1…in back…plus the garage side door. That’s four. Oh, shee-ut! What d’you suppose it’ll cost to have a locksmith come in and do that?

More than I want to pay, you can bet. About four times more than I want to pay. 😮

Godlmighty. I hope they didn’t put any kind of poison on the trees and vines.

The plants look OK just now… Maybe the jerk figured just turning off the water to them would do the trick, in 110-degree heat.

Ohhhh man!  The hoses are POURING the water to them right now. It’s getting dark out, so I’m gonna have to turn off the faucets pretty soon. First thing tomorrow morning, I’ll have to get back out there and turn the water back on.

This defies belief!

Why would anybody do such a thing????

Eeeek! Worser and worser!!

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{chortle!} If you were watching this space, you’ll recall that earlier this morning I was bellyaching about the heat.

THAT WAS NOTHING!!!

Yeah. As we scribble — at 1:23 in the afternoon — it is ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN DEGREES IN THE SHADE OF THE SHELTERED BACK PORCH!!!!!

Noooo kidding!  111º in the shade! 

Garden spot, eh?

Let’s see what our favorite weather site, Wunderground, has to say about that…..

Hmmmm…. Our thermometer understates! Wunderground says we’re enjoying 114 degrees, with 116 forecast!

Eek, I say to that…eeeeek! 

This is expected to go on for SEVERAL DAYS, with extreme heat forecast all over the Southwest. Holeee doggerel!

Well. So much for my proposed afternoon stroll! Silly of me, eh?

It also will cancel Ruby’s evening stroll. Even after dark, the superheated pavement will burn her little feet.

It may be OK to take her out as dawn cracks tomorrow morning. But pretty clearly she ain’t goin’ out at any other time.

Jayzuz! Highs of 115 degrees (Yes! you read that right: a hundred and fifteen!) are supposed to go on through the weekend.

Horrors! What a place!

Truth to tell, I don’t remember it ever getting this hot when we lived in Saudi Arabia — which was a certifiable hell-hole. Right now, as a matter of fact, it’s only 93 there.

Gawdlmighty, I do hate Arizona. Thank you, Daddy, for dragging me to your retirement paradise…you chucklehead! I should move away from here…but probably won’t, because I’m not leaving my son behind. As long as M’hijito is here, I’ll be baking here, too.

Welp…about all we can do right now is stay indoors and hope to God the air-conditioner holds up!

Brrr! A Brisk Day in Dumb-Ass Arizona!

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Brrrr! It’s a brisk 103º out there in the shade of the back patio.

A cold day in (un)lovely Arizona.

What a place! WHY do people choose to live here?

I’m here because my parents dragged me here when I got into the University of Arizona a year before my planned high-school graduation. My father wanted to retire, and he didn’t give one thin damn about the effect it would have on my education, my career choices, or my life. Yeah. No: he did NOT care what yanking me out of school would do to my future.

How would I rather be in California, where I belong? Let me count the ways….

Oh, wait! I can’t count that high! 😀

This is a horrible place to live — particularly if you don’t have pocketloads of money. The weather stinks. Politics are grim at best. The education system leaves a lot to be desired…like, for example, education.

No kidding: I had students in my junior- and senior-level college courses at Arizona State University who did not know what the Declaration of Independence was about.

Arizona: the Land of the Ignorant and the Home of the Dumb. Maybe not so much now as then…but then, that was what we ran into. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa from the University of Arizona without lifting a finger, because I hardly needed to crack a book open to get an “A” in an undergraduate course. Just show up in class and look kinda like you were listening to the instructor, and voilà. Semester grade: A.

Google “has quality of education improved in Arizona”; skim the results; and you’ll get a real good idea of how well we educate our kids here. HOOOlee maquerel.

When my parents dragged me to Arizona so my father could take early retirement, I was a National Honor Society student in an upper-middle-class Southern California high school. Not surprisingly, I graduated from the University of Arizona with a Phi Beta Kappa key in hand…without having to lift a finger on either hand.

No kidding. I just sat through my college courses staring at the instructors as I daydreamed, faking them out so they would think I was paying attention to them. Any student who seemed to be listening to what the “professor” was saying most certainly would get an “A” — or at worst, a “B” — in the course. Phi Beta Kappa: What a joke! 

Is this place any better than it was back then?

To a degree (heh!). Today, if I had to move a family here for a job, I surely would put my kids in private schools for K-12. On the college level, carefully investigate the quality of the majors. Some of them are pretty good. Some are pretty bad. If your kid won’t enroll in a decent program at the University of Arizona or Arizona State University, then send him or her to an out-of-state college with credible standards.

Couldn’t pay me to come here now, if I were under retirement age and could get a decent job in a state that respects educational attainment. RUN AWAY!

Another Soggy Doggy (Nitwit-Infested) Day!

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Whew! Just back from the early-morning doggy-walk. At this time of year, we have to get out the door no later than 6:30 to get our daily exercise walk in. Even then, it’s a bit on the too-goddam-hot side to be traipsing around out there.

But here we are, back by 7:25. The Human is soaked in sweat. The Dawg has guzzled down half a (large!) bowl of water and is now flopped on the cool (heh!) tile floors, panting. The day is wet, soggy, icky, and hot. Thank the gods we were born in the era of air-conditioning!

That notwithstanding…

Have you noticed that we are surrounded by morons? 

Yes. Freaking, raving, bird-brained IDIOTS. And somehow — idiotically — we end up hiring them on our payrolls!

Next time I hire someone, I’m making them take an IQ test to qualify for the damn job.

This morning I grab a plate of leftover grub out of the fridge, something to cut the hunger pangs. Stuff a forkful of the stuff into my face…

Turns out the STUPID WOMAN that I hire as a cleaning lady has spiked the food with a load of chili pepper!

The damn stuff sears my mouth and throat!! Like I swallowed a forkful of burning coals!!!!

My gawd!  For a minute or more, I couldn’t even breathe!

What the f*ck gets into people!??  WHY would you do that to the food at someone else’s house????? And then stick it back in the refrigerator where the proprietor can get a blasting surprise when she stupidly eats it??!?

I should fire the bitch. But my son, who also employs the dear lady, will be irked if I pull that stunt.

So I guess the next time she shows up here, I’ll have to tell her to keep her hands off the food in this place.

Honestly. What IS the matter with people?

Wee Stroke of Luck!

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Wow! That was close!

Somebody — who it was, I think I know — adulterated some leftovers in the fridge with a hefty dose of hot sauce or jalapeño. Took a bite — fortunately, a tiny bite — and damn near choked to death!

Seriously… Here by myself and unable to speak, I did begin to wonder what on earth I was gonna do. Thank the gawds, the searing, burning sensation passed and I was able to breathe again.

But wow!  What kind of vicious nit-wit does a thing like that?

I suspect I know: only one outsider has been in the house since I put that stuff in the fridge. Can’t prove it…but won’t be inviting her back in to do housework again. That’s for sure!

Better throw out all the other leftovers in the fridge, too. Holeee sheee-ut!!!!

EEEEK!!!

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Ohhh migawd!  It’s 5:33 p.m., and the temperature in the shade of the back porch is 103 degrees!

Wunderground shows the temp as 115°, with a low of 91° predicted for tonight and a high of 117° tomorrow.

Jayzuz! Be scared. Be VERY scared.

Seriously: this is scary weather. Get lost wandering around out there, and you can end up in a life-threatening situation. Have your air-conditioning go out, and to survive the night you’ll need to move into a motel.

This is why one of my little chants is “I hate Arizona.”  No. I kid you not. If I could afford to move away and I could persuade my son to come with me, I would be soooo outta here! It’s a horrible place to live, between the antediluvian politics and the gawdawful heat. Truly, the main reason — more accurately the only reason — I stay here is because my son is here.

This month’s power bill is going to be astronomical. Honestly, I don’t think the AC has gone off even once since I rolled out of the sack at dawn’s early light. Betcha it’ll be two or three hundred dollars. At least. 

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The rose vines on the west side are FRIED. Very much doubt that they’ll come back. Just set the hose to pour water to them…but the watering system was already set to irrigate them. The result: parched!

Understand: the whole yard has an automatic watering system, which should protect the jungle from drought.

FAIL!

Everything is just seared. I very much doubt that many of these plants will spring back. We’ll see, in a couple of weeks or so. But…right now, it sure looks like we’ll be installing a whole new passel of roses and vines.

Un…freakin’…believable!