Coffee heat rising

Swimming through the Doggy-Walk

Ugh! Here we are in another swampy, hot, sticky Arizona morning. WHAT an ugly day.

Most folks, I suppose, would not consider clear skies and a bright morning sun to be “ugly.” But when  you’re lookin’ at 22 percent humidity…ech! That’s almost 1/4 of the air you breathe in. Glub!

This is the kind of day when I could brain my parents for retiring to hideous Sun City and dragging me here with them.

Well. If they were still here to brain. 😀 My mother smoked herself into the grave at midlife; my father married a dragon-lady and died of despair some years later.

They were deeee-lighted with Sun City, though. My mother so loved it that she persuaded herself to believe the racket from the jet warplanes at nearby Luke Air Force Base was “the sound of freedom.”

Argha! “The sound of freedom,” indeed. Nooo, muther: that was the sound of World War III comin’ your way. She used to drive me nuts with the ultra-patriotic B.S.

Oh, well. She’s gone — not blown to Kingdom Come, thank the heavens. My father’s gone, too, having made himself ultra-miserable by marrying a dragon lady after his poor wife died of tobacco inhalation.

Their decision to move to Arizona for their retirement (didn’t work, BTW: came the next recession, my father had to go back to sea) wrecked my plans for my future. Didn’t exactly wreck my life, but certainly changed its course.

I had been bound for the University of California at Berkeley. (At the time, we were living in exquisite Long Beach.) In line with that ambition, I’d already started taking college courses in high school — by way of proving to UC’s admissions officers that they should let me in to that august institution.

But….you may be damn sure that once we moved to Sun City, my father was not about to pay out-of-state tuition to a California university.

So for me, it was off to the University of Arizona  — at the time a study in mediocrity. All those years of working like a fiend to get into the National Honor Society and become fluent in foreign languages and trudge through summer school and…on and effin’ on… Yeah: all those years, down the drain. I ended up in Tucson, at a school where whatever a female chose to major in didn’t really matter.

Hafta say: my poor parents’ dreams of a glorious, long retirement also went right down the toilet. After my mother died of tobacco poisoning, my father — little understanding that one woman is NOT essentially the same as the next woman — married a vicious hag dear lady who was cruel beyond words. Her meanness drove me off: I saw less and less of them until he died, after which, amazingly enough, I saw nothing of him.

Poor man. He died in misery, stuck with that vicious bi**h. He refused to divorce her, because — said he — “she’ll get all my money!!”

{sigh}

Oh, well. She did not get all his money: she got his happiness and his life. Lovely.

***

Let’s see: What new horrors on the schedule for today?  (…wanders off to inspect wall calendar)

“Call the Beatitudes”

Eeew!!!  WHY?

The Beatitudes is an old-folks’ prison. As if to prove that I do need old-folks’ supervision, I cannot remember why I was supposed to call that horrible place. Presumably, though, to find out how to get in there.

PLEASE, GOD! Let me die first!

Deeply, deeply, deeply do I loathe institutional living.

{heh} Actually, I believe the proposed call was occasioned by learning that the Beatitudes will send someone to your home to babysit you. Apparently, though, you have to move someplace close to their campus… Ugh. I don’t WANT to sell my home and move 20 blocks to the south.

Well…it could be better than having to move into their dreary, depressing institution, though. And eat their dreary, depressing food. Ugh!

Speaking of loathing, BING! In comes a message from T-Mobile. They’re jacking up the phone bill by $8 a month.

For a service I never use. Goodie!

Y’know what?

* It’s too hot and too humid to take the dog for a walk.
* This is not a cleaning-lady day, so that’s another nuisance out of my face.
* The toilet seems to have stopped leaking. (?? Is that even possible??) If so: yet another nuisance sidelined.
* If my calendar has it right, the annoying babysitter isn’t supposed to show up until tomorrow. (!! Please, dear God??!!)

All this adds up to one glorious factoidI can go back to bed!!! 

WOO HOOOO! 

Hope I’ve got that right. 

 

 

Hotter Than the Hubs….Still….

6:00 p.m. and the thermometer reads 101 degrees: in the shade of the covered back porch. 

Ugh!  What a garden spot we live in!

What was that I was scribbling, a day or two ago, about wishing I could be living back in San Francisco?  Where I belong….

And…what kind of worm could possibly have crawled into my parents’ brains to give them the idea that nothing would do but what we must move to Arizona?

….But what they must buy a house in ugleee Sun City, beneath the melodic roar of the Luke Air Force Base fighter jets?

….But what they must send their daughter to school at the University of Arizona? (That would be the daughter who was set to enroll in UC Berkeley…)

….And then, after she graduates, move her into their ugleee Sun City home and have her live there with them until she finishes trade school and gets a job in downtown Phoenix?

Well, I’ll tellya: for them, it was the right move. 

My mother dearly LOVED Sun City. Lived there in joy and contentment until her tobacco habit killed her.

My father evidently liked Sun City, too. He made no sign that he wanted to move out of their cute little house after she died. And when he remarried, he and the Dragon Lady lived there until they capitulated to old age and moved into an old-folkerie in central Phoenix. A prison for old folks, that was.

That place made Sun City look good, for sure. From my point of view, anyway.

My mother’s dying brought an end to the joy in my father’s life, pretty much once and for all. The New Wife did nothing to revive his happiness: she was a witch who tormented me and made him understand the value of what he had lost in my mother.

Oh well: 20 years later, here we still are in Lovely Uptown Arizona, baking away in the heat, luxuriating in bird-brained conservative politics, plodding along day by day.

As you might gather by the tone of this post, I’m not nuts about Arizona. If I could move away, I would. But as long as my son is here, I ain’t goin’ anywhere. Plus I doubt if nowadays I could afford to live in the Bay Area, which really is the only place on this earth I’d prefer to live.

{chortle!} Think o’ that…  Where have I lived? 

Long Beach, California
San Francisco, California
Alameda, California
Berkeley, California
Sun City, Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Phoenix, Arizona
Ras Tanura, Saudi Arabia
Beirut, Lebanon
London, England
Tunbridge, England

On & on…helle’s belles, I can’t remember them all!

Nor, one might add, do I want to….

Still Frolicking in the Hubs

Last time we were in these parts, Funny remarked that the weather was hotter than the hubs of Hades. No kidding….

Well, we’re still lurking in that locale.

Not yet 8:00 in the morning, and we have 93 degrees, with 21 percent humidity under “partly cloudy” skies. No rain in the forecast.

Dog and Human, having circumambulated the neighborhood as dawn was cracking, are perched on the bed. The Human sincerely hopes no nuisances show up at the door…as we scribble, the righteous and the well-meaning are out there trying to recruit her to an old-folks’ home.

How exactly I’m gonna evade that fate escapes me: Greyhound bus, maybe? Will they let me take the dawg on a bus???  Hmmmm…well, no. Not unless you can faze it past them as a “service dog.” Good luck with that…

At any rate, it’s definitely another soggy doggy day…even inside the house, the air feels damp. And that places Arizona smack in the middle of Hades!

So I consider: Do I really want to stay here?

Surely not if I’m likely to be nabbed and locked up in a prison for the elderly.

How likely is that to happen? Well…I’d give it about a 40 percent chance. Which is about 100 percent more than one would like…

Once again, we’re brought back to the fact that women in my family who didn’t smoke and didn’t catch amoebic dysentery in some god-forsaken Arabian desert have lived well into their 90s. And in pretty damn good health, we might add.

But as one ages, one tends to be infantalized. And that leads those around you to take over your life and decide matters like where you will live and how you will be treated.

And I for one do NOT wish to be treated as a child.

How exactly to evade that fate pretty much escapes me. 

 

Hotter than…

HOLEE doggerel! It literally is hotter than the Hubs of Hades outside. Ruby and I set out, along about 20 or 30 minutes ago, to circumnavigate the dawg’s beloved neighborhood park.

Mistake! We didn’t even get all the way over to the park, it’s soooo hot out there. And humid, we might add: feels like hideous Saudi Arabia out there…sautéeing on the sands of the Persian Gulf. I’m soaked with sweat. The dawg is flopped on the tiles, panting.

Horrible morning!

And…to frost that donut…we’re expecting my son’s nuisance babysitters to show up this morning. Just what I need: a busybody or three sticking their noses into my private life.

Ugh! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

This is the problem with life as a lone wolf: most of the time, what you truly do want is just to be left alone. Altogether fukkin’ ALONE.

Ohhh well…by the time the poor souls show up, maybe I will  have cooled down enough — physically and psychologically — to behave myself. As much as I ever do…  😉

I do need to take a bath or a shower, after that little junket. But…not now.

Ruby looks like she’s fried. She’s still laying on the tiles, panting frantically.

Shouldn’t have taken her out in that heat…but truth to tell, I really did NOT realize it was that hot and muggy out there.

***

Y’know, Arizona does have its charms. But about half the time, I hate it here. And highly resent my parents for having dragged me to this place and dumped me in the University of Arizona (a year before I graduated from a California high school).

I was slated to go to UC Berkeley. And I’ll tellya: the UofA Cal-Berkeley does not make.

Oh well. It allowed me to pocket a Phi Beta Kappa key without expending any effort. That’s…uhm…something. I guess….

hmmmm…

Where would I go if I could get away from here?

Berkeley — whither my California relatives — is…

…expensive
…aging and largely decrepit
…full of termites
…cold much of the time
…built up and down steep hills that leave you panting by the time you walk a block
…awash in crackpot liberals that are even loonier than me…

Ugh. No…don’t wanna go back there.

Hmmmm…waitminit here…looks like I’ve got the wrong day for Babysitter Lady. This is Thursday! She was here yesterday. Proof positive: the furniture has been dusted.

😀

Wow! That’s senility for you: can’t even remember what happened yesterday!

Was that absurd woman here yesterday?

{chortle!}
{Nope}

She was here the day before yesterday.

So, see? It doesn’t matter that I can’t remember what happened yesterday.

😀

Matter of fact, it really doesn’t. Every day is the same.  They all blend together into one timeless pudding.

That issue would resolve if I could go back to singing in the choir. But…without a car, I can’t drive to the church. So…no…I can’t belong to the choir.

Basically, everything that was interesting or fun in my life has come to an end. The life itself is the only thing that hasn’t arrived at that stage. And, I suppose, it’s about time for that to happen. When you have nothing left to do, why hang around doing nothing?

Hotter than the Hubs…

Out the door before 7 this morning. Figured if Ruby and I got an early start, we could get back before the cleaning lady and the babysitter show up.

That appears to have been the case. No sign of any visiting women when we stumbled through the thick, wet, hot air to the front door. That’s something, anyway. I guess.

Hotter than the hubs out there. 

It may not be objectively so hot, but it’s wet and muggy and icky outside. Even Ruby, who normally wants nothing other than a beloved Doggy-Walk, was kinda reluctant to proceed.

Ugh. What I want today is just to be left alone.

But if I understand the new routine and the hideous new schedule correctly, THAT is not to be. My future apparently consists of a long series of babysitters. Women who come in and watch me. In my home. All day.

LOL! I’d run away to Sun City if I could. But don’t think that would succeed…m’hijto would just send the old-folks’ gendarmes after me. Then I’d find myself locked up in an old-folkerie.

My father moved to Sun City because the prospect of mausoleum-like silence appealed mightily to him. Seriously: Imagine a man who hates the sound of children laughing and playing…  That was my daddy!

Now, in his defense, I never had to work the swing shift, laboring all night and trying to sleep all day.

*****

Argha!  Babysitter showed up in the middle of the scribbles above.

😀

She IS a nice lady. I would find her particularly charming were I not a hopeless lone wolf. My problem is simply that I do NOT like people.

Growing up, I was the weird little kid: the girl who wanted to be an astronomer, never a mommy standing in the kitchen baking cookies. As you may recall from your own upbringing, “weird” kids are universally despised, and so I was treated cruelly by nine out of ten of the little darlings with whom I grew up.

And the result of that was a general dislike and distrust of other people.

Hilariously, our old-lady’s babysitter has a great deal of charm and is highly personable. That means, of course, that I’m reduced to having to behave myself. 😀  It also means I actually kinda enjoy her company.

Turns out she likes little kids. So…I’d love to bring her to the park, where Ruby the Corgi and I take our lengthy morning walk. Before office hours start, the park is full of young parents pushing their little ones around in strollers. It’s such a hoot! The li’l kids are hopelessly adorable, and the parents exude charm.

Just now, though, it’s HOT and HUMID and overall exceptionally icky out there. So we’ll have to wait until the weather calms a bit to haul her over there. 😀

Wunderground tells us it’s 103 outside now, at 16 percent humidity. I’d say it’s gotta be wetter than that: just ambling up the sidewalk, you break out in a flooding sweat.

Exploring Sun City on Zillowugh! Truly, I did hate living out there after my parents dragged me along when they retired, following my junior year in high school. Fortunately, I got into the University of Arizona in Tucson a year early, so I escaped Sun City within a few weeks of our arrival there. But even the relatively few weeks and months that I had to spend there: ugh, indeed!

But oh! My mother dearly loved it. 

No kidding: she thought Sun City was about the best invention ever to come along. Their little two-bedroom house was my father’s gift to her: a thank-you for the 10 unholy years she spent with him in gawdawful Saudi Arabia, and for the dozen or more remaining years that she supported him and loved him and housewifed for him, between the time they married in Southern California and the time they came back to the United States some 20 years later.

You couldn’t give me the place. When SDXB moved out to Sun City, he invited me to come along. I declined.

Nothing exactly wrong with it… Especially if you don’t mind hate and exclusiveness and whitey-whiteness and the roar of F-16’s blasting through the sky starting at 6:00 in the morning. Not my style…

So here I am in lovely, sweaty North Phoenix. Missing the boyfriend. Absent our friends. Wishing I lived somewhere else…but not knowing where that might be.

Well…yeah, I do: the San Francisco Bay Area. More specifically, Berkeley or Sausalito, where my relatives lived. But…har har!!! I couldn’t even begin to afford to live there. Besides, my son lives here…and so here is were I’m staying. 

Passworded Out!

Gawdlmighty, every freakin’  thing you need to do on the Internet now demands a password. And by damn, they all have to be different!

No way can I even begin to remember all these things. So they’re typed out and taped to the shell of my laptop.

Okay, okay: it’s not THAT big a deal. Just now only three sets of secret codes are taped to the computer. But it’s annoying.

Very annoying.

Speaking of annoying, we’re told some sort of social workers are supposed to show up here this morning — within an hour or so, far as I can tell.

> Who these folks are: unknown
> What agency they’re from: unknown
> Who sicced them on me: unknown.

Soon as they show up, I’ll have to demand that they show me some credentials. But…who knows whether those will be real or counterfeit?

Whether they represent some sort of threat or risk to me: also unknown. Is someone trying to stampede me into an old-folkerie? If so, who might that be and what grounds might they be advancing as an excuse to lock me up?

Anyway, I sure could do without it.

This morning’s weird antic means I can’t take poor li’l Ruby (or poor li’l me) for a walk before it gets hot outside.

Assuredly, I am NOT a happy camperette over this. I do NOT like officious types poking their noses into my business; I do NOT feel obligated to discuss my personal issues with strangers, and I highly resent having these people show up at my door to demand…what?

Made even less happy because, as you know and I know, the likelihood that these people are looking for excuses to declare me incompetent to live on my own is exceptionally high. Gets higher with every minute that my age proceeds toward 90… So somehow I’ve got to make myself look competent, competent, and ultra-competent:

  • The house must be picked up
  • The furniture must be dusted
  • The bed must be made
  • The breakfast dishes must be stashed in the washer
  • And…and…good morning, America! 

I am NOT in the mood to cope with a lot of housekeeping ditz this morning. Or any morning: that’s why I hire a cleaning lady! 

Unfortunately, she hasn’t been around for almost a week, so I’ve got to retrace her steps and tidy up everything. And I don’t wanna. All I wanna do is finish my morning coffee!

What concerns me most about this, though, is the possibility that whoever tattled on me is angling to get me committed to an old-folkerie. And that is something I regard with horror.

I most surely do NOT want to live in an institution! I hated, loathed, and despised every minute of living in our college dorms. Not because the dorm-mates weren’t nice, not because the dorms weren’t maintained well enough…not because of anything other than that I deeply, profoundly dislike communal living.

Give me a cave in the Himalayas and I’ll be fine! 😀