Okay, so now that I’ve succeeded in losing 30 pounds, thereby dropping the blood pressure back into the more or less “normal” range, the celebrating is done and reality sets in.
This weight-loss glorioski is costing a lot of money. Videlicet: none of my clothes fit anymore. And I mean none of them. Underwear included.
Costco sells chintzy little made-in-Asia women’s underpants cheaply enough. But their excuse for a bra? Definitely not worth the (low) price. And, I’d come to realize, now that I was skinny I didn’t even know what size I am now!
If I knew the size, I could order my favorite brand online. But I had no clue.
This meant…oh yes!
The sheer unadulterated horror of a shopping trip for bras!
The male contingent may not be aware of this, but the way most women figure out what size fits, in brassieres, is to go to a fairly upscale store that has a decent lingerie department and have a trained saleslady measure the bod’ and then to try on, with her supervision, a whole bunch of bras in different sizes. It is a “trying” experience in more ways than one. I hate it.
So, it was off to Saks, which carries the preferred brand and often puts it on sale.
Or so it once did. No more!
Saks has gutted its lingerie department. Not only do they no longer carry the pricey brand that is the only brand known to fit me, they no longer carry much of anything. They didn’t have the store’s only two, count’em TWO wire-free bras in the size the saleslady and I figured I would probably fit into.
Wire-free bras are now apparently pretty much a thing of the past.
I hate underwires even more than I hate shopping for bras. They are SO. Fucking. Uncomfortable!!!!!
Those things with the plastic Dixie-cup arrangements are now more ubiquitous than underwires. Hideous AND sofuckinguncomfortable!
HOW do women get bamboozled into wearing this stuff? Why??? What sadist in New York gets away with designing miserable crap like this? Nay, gets PAID to design it?
You should’ve seen the gawdawful high heels I saw on an expensive-looking woman in church this weekend, as long as we’re on the subject of sadistic design. One false step, and she’d break her ankle. And a false step was highly likely, since the poor creature could barely hobble around in the damn things.
Back on topic: The only other store in Biltmore Fashion Square – i.e., the only other upscale department store this side of Scottsdale – that carries the desired brand is Macy’s.
I hate shopping at Macy’s. And of all the departments I hate shopping in at Macy’s, I hate their lingerie department most.
Yes. They did have the coveted brand. After searching high and low, I could not find one single wireless bra in that brand. Or in any other brand. The saleslady was too busy yakking away with her friends about personal matters to be bothered to sell anything – she didn’t even notice a customer was there. Pretty typical Macy’s customer disservice, in my experience.
Biltmore Fashion Square hosts a bra shop. The last time I went there, the stupid saleswoman informed me that brassieres are supposed to be uncomfortable.
No joke. It really happened.
Well, I figured I could at least get measured, though I wasn’t planning to buy anything.
There I found a competent brassiere saleslady – she actually seemed to know what she was doing. This poor soul, about my age, was laid off her administrative job at a nonprofit and thrown out on the street to spend the rest of her life selling underwear (probably at minimum wage) to unhappy women forced to shop for bras. Lucky her.
Ah well. Gives the shopper some perspective: when the landscape starts to look like you’re arriving in Hell, there’s always someone else who’s deeper in Hell than you are.
This store, called Soma, is associated with Chico’s. True to Chico’s form, the saleslady immediately started asking a lot of nosy questions, demanding my name, address, phone number, date of birth(!), and e-mail address and promising a few pennies back on the sale if I would just reveal all my personal information. She was not pleased when I informed her that a) I do not give out my phone number or e-mail address to retailers and b) I do not shop at Chico’s because I don’t like being high-pressured by their aggressive sales staff. I’m sure she’d be even less pleased if she knew the address they had in their system was fake.
At any rate, she toned down the sales pitch a bit when she heard the business about how much I dislike being strong-armed at Chico’s and how much I hate their mirrors that distort your image to persuade you that you look better in their bizarrely sized rags than you really do.
Hilariously, she knew about the mirrors.
Moving on, she also finds all of two underwire-free bras in the entire store. And since of course all their stock comes from the same place Chico’s gets its stuff – points far east – no two models in the same size fit the same way. She ends up getting me into a 32A in one model and a 34C in another.
At the risk of repeating myself: No joke. It really happened.
Oh well. We did arrive at a reasonable consensus on the actual size, meaning that the next time I have some money (which at this rate will not be in our lifetime), I can order a Wacoal from Amazon.
Meanwhile, I bought the 32A and the 34C because they were less uncomfortable than most and because they both created the illusion that my boobs do not reside around my waistline. Good enough for government work. I suppose. One was reasonably priced; the other cost as much as a Wacoal, a bra whose manufacturers expect you to ransom your first-born to scare up the purchase price.
Eighty-five bucks plus damn near 10% tax for two bras, neither one of which is in the theoretical size.
More annoying than life, isn’t it?
This lifestyle change that’s supposed to be so good for me is shaping up to cost me a lot of money…
Image: Soutien des seine par une brassiere. 1900. Public domain.
For all that time, horror, and money, that weight loss had better have produced the desired health result! 🙂 Especially the bra shopping – horrific as that is. There’s exactly one brand and two models that fit me, which aren’t carried widely, so I’m limited to buying 1 at a time, once a year, maybe. I have a grand total of 4. Can’t imagine what I’ll do if they stop making those!
Seriously, congratulations on shedding the pounds, I’m sure it’ll be much better for your heart and joints. And that’s well worth the trouble of clothing yourself. 😉
Yah, the back and hip are hurting a LOT less, what with less avoirdupois for them to have to haul around. Some days are actually pain-free after the first hour or so in the morning!!!
It may be worth checking at Amazon…honestly, I was amazed to find Wacoal bras there. Apparently some retailers try to unload discontinued merchandise there, so you can find things that no longer are available in brick-&-board outlets.
Bras are the devil. Now I’m older I am grateful to be pancake-chested. Were it not for visible nipplage, I would never wear a bra at all.
Congrats seconded and hope those bras serve you well!
If the lifestyle change succeeds in helping you live longer, it sure will be expensive over time! All those extra years of living to pay for… a good problem to have, eh?
Clothes shopping is awful, and bra shopping is right up there with bathing suit shopping as being the worst. FWIW – the few times I’ve needed help finding a bra, Dillards has been ridiculously helpful.
The nearest Dillard’s is a half-hour’s drive to the east or a half-hour’s drive to the northeast or a forty-minute drive to the west. This, of course, is not unreasonable in a city that has engrossed more square miles than Los Angeles. But I really didn’t want to drive all over the city, especially considering that usually a shopping trip for a bra is an exercise in futility.
Hilarious recounting of a sadly universally true story. Thanks for the laughs!
I have given up on “real” bras. As a semi-pro seamstress (degree in theatrical costume design) I actually know how to measure and calculate the size, but as you note, no two manufacturers size things the same. And yes, molded cup monstrosities are of the Devil. So, I wear good quality nylon or cotton sports bras. Uniboob, yes, but comfortable, washable, and widely available.
Yeah, those are good. But focus on one as your “favorite,” and POOF! The manufacturer instantly takes it off the market.
I have been in the “front seat” of this “rollercoaster” for some time with Dear Wife. It is amazing that bras with the same size tags are NOT the same size even with the same manufacturer….this according to DW. The solution ….one word….Nordstrom…DW describes this session/search for bras at Nordstrom as part therapy…part aerobics class…and part design class. The gals at Nordstrom listen…take many measurements….AND …listen some more. When DW goes on one of these “safaris” she usually comes home with 3 or 4 bras and is tickled pink. She says they are of superior quality and tend to last a couple of years. True this trip can cost as much as a used car BUT she comes home very pleased after a sucessful “hunt”. Let us not forget….”Happy wife…happy life!”
Yup. There’s a Nordstrom and a Neiman’s at Scottsdale Fashion Square, another half-hour’s drive beyond the place where I was shopping.
Really, I just did not want to drive all the way out there and fight for a parking space (those rich bitches all own the road, and they see to it that you never forget it). Next time I’ll have to get OVER it and traipse to Richistan for my underwear.
Hmmm, I am now contemplating whether losing the weight I need to is worth it.
It isn’t even that bra sizes differ from brand to brand – but the “expletive” barstards won’t even make different styles in the same brand the same size!!
I recently went to a specialty bra shop and came home with 2 -count them- 2 bras – they cost almost as much as my entire Christmas list for hubby, 2 sons and their girlfriends. And I’m still not totally sure they really fit, but were better than any I could find locally at Sears, JCPenney, Macy’s and Target or Walmart.
I am large in circumference and cup and NO I am too fat to want to minimize my chest and I am too big a cup size to want to add an additional 1/2 inch of uncomfortable foam to my chest!
So the bras I have are Chantel – right up there with Wacoal for price, and I gotta say I was just happy they didn’t fit me into one of those bras in the $200 or up range.
The nearest Dillard’s is in Iowa – a 4 hour drive, Nordstrom a 1/2 hour in the Mall of America. And no guarantee they will be able to fit me. I spent an hour at Macy’s on my search and they had nothing to fit. I know I am fat – but so are an increasing number of people and stores still do not want to fit these sizes or large busted women of any weight.
I can see that many of us have similar feelings regarding shopping for bras and I very much enjoyed your commentary on it and the resulting commentary.
Infuriating, isn’t it?
Once I about bit a salesgirl (operative term, the little airhead) in an outlet lingerie store when she informed me that if you wear size 12 pants — the average size in the US is now size 12 to 14 — your pantie size is Extra-Extra-Large.
Ohhhhkay….so what do you wear if you’re larger than a size 12 or 14, as many women are? A flour sack?
Losing the weight is definitely worth the effort. Just got home from three and a half-hours with a client. He, a big hefty fella with a big hefty man’s belly, got up from the table and winced in pain as he tried to stand upright. I got up from the table with nary a twinge!
Six months ago, I would’ve been so crippled up from sitting at a table staring at a computer for almost four hours that I could barely have crawled out to the car. It looks like less weight means less stress on the aging joints — and therefore less pain. Man! I will cheerfully go hungry for that privilege!!!
I used to go to Nordstrom to get fitted and buy bras, but then I read this amazing Metafilter article about how most women are wearing the wrong size bra that included links on how to measure yourself, too. Once I had my partner take my measurements, I realized I was wearing the wrong size despite being “professionally fitted.”
If I had no other choice, I’d certainly keep going to Nordstrom for bras since that’s the best option of the chain stores here. However, I found a solid little boutique store in the far off ‘burbs that got rave reviews, so I gave them a try. I was really happy with the fitting (which was basically right there it should have been, according to my own measuring experiment) and bought two very good bras for less than I would have paid at Nordstrom.
I hate those soft cup bras, too. I once said to sales person that I couldn’t understand why they were so popular, even for women that have a large bust. She said it was because they helped hide nipples. Well…I mean…we all have ’em, so I still don’t get it. Anyway, I don’t mind underwires, though, and only my sports bra is wireless.
Funny,
Some Wacoal bras are on sale at wizardofbras.com, in case they have your style.
I generally wear underwire bras, for me the non-underwire just do not fit well and I don’t, usually, mind the way they feel.
Clothes and bras – if only they were standardized. Does anyone think there is an alternate reality where they are?
thanks! I’ll check that out.
Heeee! There are billions and billions of planets. Surely somewhere some bunch has reached such a pinnacle of technological superiority that they’ve figured out how to make clothing fit. 😀
Now I know that being small-chested has been an aid to my frugality. I can wear any old bra, or no bra at all.
What a mercy!!!
I hate shopping for bras. When I find one that fits I’ll buy three or four and then hand-wash and air-dry them so they last as long as possible.
I had good luck at Victoria’s Secret, but that’s the ONLY reason I’d shop there. Paying $10 for a pair of underpants just doesn’t seem reasonable.
Really! That’s amazing. I haven’t gone into Victoria’s Secret in years, after a few visits revealed their sizing is off (even a tiny young thing I knew found the sizes were way too small). And because the atmosphere is all too obviously discriminatory — they’re geared for young things and sales staff doesn’t even notice an older woman’s presence. You might as well be a ghost, standing there invisible, for all the interest they show you.
Bali Women’s Double Support Wire-Free Bra #3820
Wacoal has changed – you will be disappointed.
Checking. Thanks for the additional clue. This very afternoon I’d already looked up Balis on the South American River of Capitalistic Ecstasy and discovered that venerable brand has quite a few wireless numbers.
Is it still true: “Every Bali Has a Bow”? 😀
Randomly looked on groupon and there are Wacoal bras on there for $25 each. Just thought you might like to know!