Wow! Let’s Get This Straight!

This afternoon I learned that someone near and dear to me has been telling people that I get sauced up on booze and then climb in the car and cruise around. Let’s get this straight:

I do not drive after I have been drinking. 

Yes. I do drink alcohol. Sometimes I do get sauced up. But I’m not in the car driving around in any kind of sauced-up state.

How do I feel confident about saying that?

Because I very rarely drive after dinner. And generally I drink only wine or bourbon: with dinner.

Dinner goes on the table after all the errands are run, after all the hoo-haw is done. My social life is such that I tend not to go out of the house in the evenings. Thus, if I’ve had any alcoholic beverages — which 99.9% of the time will be wine, taken with a full meal —  I’m not likely to be driving after consuming.

A couple of years ago (more, by now…), I did get into the habit of having a glass of wine or a bourbon & water in the afternoon, around a large mid-day meal. Did I go cruising after consuming this? Not likely: I would have had noplace to go. Why not? Because all of my errand-running and chores would be done before I started fixing and consuming a middle-of-the-day feast.

At one point, however, I realized that this was not a good habit: First, because it had me eating a lot more than necessary and therefore putting on some serious pounds; and second, because it indeed was leading me to drink wine or whiskey before all the day’s activities were done. So, I quit it.

Thus I can  testify, with real confidence, that I do not sit around getting sauced and then jump into the car and drive off into the sunset.

No idea how I can prove this assertion. Because I live alone, there’s no one here to testify whether and when I get sauced up. But surely, if I were cruising to the grocery store through an alcoholic haze, by now I would have accrued a citation or three. And no such things appear in my driving record.

What IS the matter with people, to say a thing like that about an old lady?