Coffee heat rising

Cassie, Coyotes, Students, and Bumhood

Want to see a little dog’s ears stand straight on end? Here’s what you do. Get yourself a coyote, install him in the back yard, and set him to singing.

In the darkest wee hours of the morning, one of the neighborhood’s coyotes caught a stray cat, just outside the back door. We could hear the cat screech, and then in the same cosmic breath we could hear the coyote call, a joyous, bizarre, and convoluted call, to her mate to come share the midnight snack.

Did Cassie the Corgi know this was the cry of something that would like to eat her as much as it relished the neighbor’s cat? I have no idea. All I can say is that in the dark her little head popped up and her ears stood erect like radar antennae searching out a signal.

Coyote, hallucinatory mariachi in the desert, Coyote the Trickster. There’s something weird, eerie about Coyote’s song that reminds you of a devil’s claw: a melody that curves back upon itself, barbed Satanic hilarity: yip-yip-wooWOO-ah! wooHOOwahaha! Coyote does not bay, he does not bark. He laughs. And oh, my friend, he laughs at us.

Straining through the black night for echoes of Coyote, I thought of the time I was a little girl in Saudi Arabia, alone in my room in the middle of the night when a jackal came calling. It must have been right outside the bedroom window. In the dark, in the quiet, the howl of a jackal is very loud, very loud indeed. In my childish fright, I imagined the beast was under my bed.

As much as he looks like Coyote, even is called by people in India a Trickster, the jackal does not sing like Coyote or behave like Coyote. Jackal bays, and he bays long, mournful, and clear. It’s not a belly-deep sound like a hound’s. It’s a high-pitched, endless howl taken to soprano register and held longer than you would think possible for any breathing creature: roo-roo-ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo-ra-ra-rah. It’s a sound that seems to fill all of existence and seep into the nooks and crannies of the cosmos, mesmerizing in the depths of its terror.

And yes, like Coyote he would like to eat your poodle, your chihuahua, your cat,  your corgi. But Jackal is not so easily satisfied. This is a dog that will chase down a rider on a horse. Two of our friends were riding their horses outside of camp late one afternoon when a pack of jackals materialized out of the white sand dunes. After stalking them briefly, the jackals gave full chase. Our friends spurred their mares and took off on a dead run. They barely made it through the main gate, where the Arab guards drove off the jackals with gunfire.

Speaking of barely making it through the main gate, one of my students occupied half the period trying to persuade me that instead of addressing the assignment he should write about the latest drama in his life.

I try to distance myself from students’ personal stories. Freshman comp positions one in the English Teacher as Mom role. And I do not want to be their mother. They break my heart too often.

This one was with a bunch of young people who crashed a party. When the resident partiers tried to drive them off, a free-for-all broke out, in which our young pup’s best buddy brained one of the opposition with a vodka bottle. Our pup’s vodka bottle.

The result: Best Buddy is in jail, charged with attempted homicide and assault with a deadly weapon. Pup is on his way to court, thereat to be deposed and then put on the witness stand.

I. do. not. want. to. know.

Where, I asked him, where were your parents???? Where were the parents of the young people whose family’s home was trashed when your buddy ran his truck through the block back fence and then through a wall of the house? Where, where, WHERE were the adults?

He gave me a blank look.

Where were they? Presumably off somewhere else behaving like children themselves. Damn their eyes.

But the nice thing about freelance teaching is that it doesn’t entail too much work. This afternoon is drop-down dead gorgeous, one of the most beautiful days I have ever seen in this land of beautiful days. Reasonably confident that Coyote had gone on his way well-fed and content, the Cassowary and I spent a fair amount of it loafing in the leafy bower outside the dining room.

The tea roses, like these much-revived climbers, are bursting forth in plant joy after all the rain we’ve had. They’re already beginning to make extravagant blossoms, along with the bougainvillea and the various potted plants that decorate the yard.

We are, unmistakably, . . .

Not a coyote

Images:

Coyote by Arizona Roadside, Marya
Devil’s Claw. JerryFriedman. Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported

Costco rocks!

At the risk of making this blog sound like the official house organ of the Costco Fan Club, I have to say that the joint certainly came through today. I could not believe it! They took back almost $200 worth of junk, some of it stuff I would normally not dare to ask a retailer to accept.

Okay, it wasn’t surprising that they refunded all my money for the Flip video camera that didn’t work. Their return policy on electronics has always been pretty amazing. Even though they shortened the period in which they would accept returns on such gadgetry, they still will take back just about anything. So, voilà, $130 back on the card.

Now, here’s where it gets amazing…

After the CSR kindly returned my money for the camera, I presented a bag full of raw, sliced-up leg of lamb.

Yes.

My excuse: after I cut it up and put the stuff I intended to eat later in the freezer, I fried one piece of it and realized it had turned. (Rancid is the word we’re groping for.) Yea, verily, you could smell the off odor even though the stuff was frozen solid.

More money back on the card. That was only slightly surprising.

It gets better…

Then I trotted out the RoC facial blowtorch and explained what had happened when I applied it, following the instructions.

She said, “Oh, yeah…I can see that redness on your face.”

“It’s better today than it was yesterday,” I remarked.

Incredibly, she returned my money in full even though I presented her with three unwrapped tubes of face cream, two of which had been opened and partly used!

I couldn’t believe it. Really, I thought they might refund my money for the rotten lamb, but I expected to be told to take a flying f*** at the moon when I asked for money back for the used cosmetics.

Is that or is that not astonishing?

A$k and ye shall re¢eive!

Hoot! Check this out!

A really interesting article has just popped up over at Brip Blap. Steve writes about what happens when a real estate seller idly googled the name of a buyer and came upon the person’s Facebook page. It’s an amazing story.

I won’t spoil the fun by rehearsing it here: you’ve gotta read it!

FDA stirs in its sleep

Well, here’s some news: The FDA has finally gotten around to telling a few mass food-distribution companies to quit with the fraudulent claims on the labels.

Mirabilis!

It’s surprising, really, that consumers buy into this hucksterism. They must, though; otherwise the megacorporations wouldn’t bother with foisting lies on the public. They’ve been doing it for a long time. And it must be said that even skeptics get drawn in.

When my son was a baby, I went out of my way to buy Beech-Nut juices in infant bottles for him, because Beechnut advertised loud and clear that all its juices were 100 percent unadulterated juice and nothing but juice: no sugar, no water, no adulterants.

About the time the dentist was excoriating me for feeding him sugar and I was protesting that I never once gave him anything with sugar in it, out came a report that Beechnut’s apple juice contained almost no juice at all: it was mostly water and sugar. His  little teeth were ruined. He had to have something like 20 fillings.

Since then I’ve had no trust at all for any food manufactured by any large corporation. If they’ll lie about baby food, they’ll lie about anything. And as for juices, all you have to do is read the fine print on the label (if you can see it!) to find that a large proportion of bottled and frozen “juices” really consist mostly of white grape juice and corn syrup, with a whisper of some other fruit juice added to flavor it like the juice it claims to be.

The wild claims that things like pomegranate juice will do splendid things for your health raise my hackles, as do additives stuck in otherwise normal food to make us think the adulterated stuff has some medical benefit. Personally, I want my food to be food, not medicine. If I want extra vitamins, calcium, or antioxidants, I’ll swallow a pill, thank you!

Well, it’s past time the federal regulatory agencies woke up. No one else seems to be in a position to block the corporate pseudo-government that controls the nation’s food supply from lying about its products, adulterating them, or foisting substandard products on the public. Beech-Nut, we see, is among the several corporations specifically ordered to remove misleading labels.

Bring the bug spray, Uncle Sam! The cockroaches have taken over the larder!

Oops! Easy on the RoC de-wrinkle stuff!

So, when I bought the Costco Lifetime Supply of RoC Retinol Correxion Deep Wrinkle Night Cream gunk, as part of the new lifestyle retread scheme, I thought I was buying the usual wussy over-the-counter pretend cosmetico-pharmaceutical, designed and pitched to make the customer feel good but in reality unlikely to do much of anything.

Wrong!

It definitely does something. What exactly the something is remains to be seen. However, at the moment it’s a shade on the alarming side.

The stuff stings a little when you put it on, but I took that as unremarkable, because the Alpha-Hydrox I used to smear on my face did the same. Today, however, an hour or two after I’d rubbed this stuff in, covered it with an SPF 45 sun block, and powdered over the whole mess with SPF 20 makeup, my cheeks and chin started to hurt and feel uncomfortably parched.

Naturally, I was on the campus, so there was nothing I could do to get it off. Not for several hours after this burning sensation began did I get home where I could remove the layers of makeup and goop.

Once I washed it all off, what I discovered is that my face looks like it’s been burned. Not critically—like a middling sunburn, I’d say. But still: the irritation is there, and the skin all over my cheeks and nose has turned bright red.

I have been staying out of the sun, and each morning I’ve applied a liberal dose of Neutrogena’s best SPF 45 sun cream, plus some fairly opaque makeup also advertised to have some SPF qualities. So I doubt that it’s sunburn. I think it’s a reaction to the wrinkle gunk.

The package copy says, “You may experience mild tingling and redness during use.” Hm. I’m not sure “mild” is the term I’d use here. It continues: “This is normal and should be temporary until your skin adjusts.”

We shall see.

In the meantime, we’ll be hurrying the “adjustment” along by cessation. I’m going to quit using this stuff, at least until the inflammation subsides.

I probably overdid the slathering by applying the gunk in the morning as well as at night. The package does say you can do this, as long as you’re careful to use sunblock and hats. But it seems to recommend using it at night only.

A number of users have complained about similar discomfort. Unlike this woman, I do not have sensitive skin (to the contrary), but the effect fits what she describes, except for the eye symptoms. Presumably the redness and burning sensation will go away, one hopes without lasting damage.

If you’re going to use RoC or something like it, I’d suggest a conservative approach. It might be wise to try it on a small patch for a few days (it took several days for this reaction to develop!). Also, I certainly wouldn’t advise applying it more than once a day—maybe less than that, once every two or three days.

While it’s less than pleasant to go around in old-lady rhino hide, some things may be worse…



Ominous development

This afternoon the head of our neighborhood association sent this interesting report from one of the residents:

My family and I live in the northwest part of the R*** P*** neighborhood. At 5:15 pm my five children were home together as their dad was working and I’d gone to a school function—about 20 minutes after I left with a girlfriend, whose son was also at my house, a beat-up black Cadillac or that type of car pulled up right in front of our driveway and one man got out and came to the door while three others waited in the car. My oldest daughter (15) watched the man come up to our front door and knock—she didn’t recognize him and got the little ones (4, 3, 19 months) together in my oldest son’s room (11). My son’s room is right next to the front door and he could see the man, in his 20’s, white, buzz cut with light brown or reddish hair and wire glasses. He was also wearing a green shirt that said “Carp” on the back. My daughter said the man didn’t seem too clean and had nothing in his hands to suggest selling something. She said the passengers saw her through our front window and one in the back seat was texting on the phone. The man knocked and then rattled the doorknob for approx 7 to 10 minutes. The man looked into my son’s room through the window and my oldest daughter shut all the shutters and curtains and called the police, but the man and his friends left before the police arrived. My daughter saw the car turn around and drive towards 19th ave. Luckily, we have an alarm and my daughter set it after the police left so she could feel a little safer.

My girlfriend and her son and me and my children were all in my front yard for about an hour before we left to go to the school function, so it makes me think our house was being watched. The odd part is that we had two cars parked in front of our house, so it did look like someone was home. (Normally the cars aren’t there.) Then again, the man definitely saw my daughter and son and heard the younger ones. It seems he wanted in the house.

I’m only going into so much detail because of course I feel terrible that I wasn’t home, but also because it seems like our house was targeted. I’m concerned that these people wanted in the house, that it was daylight, there were obviously children home, and in fact a neighbor’s bike was near our front door but it wasn’t taken.

Holy mackerel! That’s one of the scariest stories I’ve heard in the 17 years or so that I’ve lived in this neighborhood. During that time, we’ve had two home invasions that I know of, but neither involved Bad Guys going after a clutch of children.

The northwest section of the neighborhood is not very good. It’s an area that’s been severely thumped by a series of unhappy circumstances: a slummy supermarket that went unregulated by the City despite chronic code violations; a huge, noisy intersection over which the cops like to park their helicopters while chasing perps; proximity to a set of apartments that have been allowed to turn into tenements and to a blighted district that’s your basic war zone; and most recently the corrosive destruction wrought by the unfinished and apparently never-to-be-finished lightrail train tracks. It was harder hit by the depRecession than any other part of the neighborhood, with the result that even more of the housing than before has been turned into rentals—and they already had plenty of weedy, run-down rentals.

Because of the blighted rentals, it’s reasonable to suspect these characters meant to visit one of their drug-dealing colleagues and had the wrong address. On the other hand, if the mother is right in thinking they were being watched, then obviously they knew only children were home. In that case, it’s very creepy.

I walk the dog at night. And when the weather is nice—as it has been today—I like to have my doors and windows open. Guess I’m going to have to rethink those behaviors…