Coffee heat rising

Annals of the Floored & Flabbergasted

Wee Stroke of Luck!

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Wow! That was close!

Somebody — who it was, I think I know — adulterated some leftovers in the fridge with a hefty dose of hot sauce or jalapeño. Took a bite — fortunately, a tiny bite — and damn near choked to death!

Seriously… Here by myself and unable to speak, I did begin to wonder what on earth I was gonna do. Thank the gawds, the searing, burning sensation passed and I was able to breathe again.

But wow!  What kind of vicious nit-wit does a thing like that?

I suspect I know: only one outsider has been in the house since I put that stuff in the fridge. Can’t prove it…but won’t be inviting her back in to do housework again. That’s for sure!

Better throw out all the other leftovers in the fridge, too. Holeee sheee-ut!!!!

EEEEK!!!

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Ohhh migawd!  It’s 5:33 p.m., and the temperature in the shade of the back porch is 103 degrees!

Wunderground shows the temp as 115°, with a low of 91° predicted for tonight and a high of 117° tomorrow.

Jayzuz! Be scared. Be VERY scared.

Seriously: this is scary weather. Get lost wandering around out there, and you can end up in a life-threatening situation. Have your air-conditioning go out, and to survive the night you’ll need to move into a motel.

This is why one of my little chants is “I hate Arizona.”  No. I kid you not. If I could afford to move away and I could persuade my son to come with me, I would be soooo outta here! It’s a horrible place to live, between the antediluvian politics and the gawdawful heat. Truly, the main reason — more accurately the only reason — I stay here is because my son is here.

This month’s power bill is going to be astronomical. Honestly, I don’t think the AC has gone off even once since I rolled out of the sack at dawn’s early light. Betcha it’ll be two or three hundred dollars. At least. 

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The rose vines on the west side are FRIED. Very much doubt that they’ll come back. Just set the hose to pour water to them…but the watering system was already set to irrigate them. The result: parched!

Understand: the whole yard has an automatic watering system, which should protect the jungle from drought.

FAIL!

Everything is just seared. I very much doubt that many of these plants will spring back. We’ll see, in a couple of weeks or so. But…right now, it sure looks like we’ll be installing a whole new passel of roses and vines.

Un…freakin’…believable!

 

Hotter Than the Hubs!

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It’s pouring rain, hot and sticky outside…and some poor wretch is out there weedwhacking a neighbor’s lawn! 

Yow! Talk about jobs you’re glad you don’t have….

At a little past 7:00, Ruby and I are back from the morning circumnavigation, just in time.

Despite the gray skies and now steady rain, our honored Weather Service tells us to expect “extreme heat” this afternoon. Temps are supposed to get up to 110 today, 114 on Thursday, and 116(!!!) on Friday.

That’s more than my air-conditioning system can handle. And far more than M’hijito’s aged system will beat back. He may have to come here or over to his dad’s place to live through the afternoons. And probably to sleep at night.

What an awful place. WHY do we live here?

Yeah: because our parents dragged us here, right?

California. Make that Northern California. That’s where I came from. And that’s where I belong!

Day Is (Barely!!!) Dawning….

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Yep. Barely dawn and all Hell is already breaking loose. Jeez!  WHY does all the sh!t happen at once?

Latest antic: I go to flush the toilet and the thing goes SSSWWWWSHHHHHHHHHHHH and sprays water all over the goddam bathroom!

Sheee-ut!  and oh well: now all the fixtures and counters are nice and clean in there.

Meanwhile, I’ve gotta get someone over here to fix Harvey the Hayward Pool Cleaner, so thoughtfully trashed by yesterday’s workman.

This means, presumably, I have to approach some other pool company, since I suspect that “trashing” was a deliberate act. Because…it appears the pool dude stole several lengths of hose.

Dammit!!!!!!! 

Now I’ll have to call a bunch of neighbors to find out who they’re hiring, and then call around and call around and call around until I find someone to come fix this stuff.

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Grrr grrr grrrrrrrrrrrrr…..

Okay, I capitulated and called my regular pool company. Told them “someone” (har har) made off with several lengths of pool hose…and blah blah blah.

They’re supposedly gonna send someone over to try to fix that. Which means I get to sit here and sit here and sit here and sit here until the guy shows up. If he ever does. Then try to explain what’s happened….and good luck with that.

Dammmit!!!!!!!!!

I’m beginning to understand why my neighbor drained her pool several years ago and leaves it dry.

There surely is something to be said for that.

Problem is, when  you go to sell the house after leaving a pool empty for Gawd only knows how long, you’re looking at a WAD of EXPENSIVE repair bills.

Plus your back yard is graced by an ugly hole in the ground.

Better to keep the thing up from day to day, than to have hundreds or thousands in bills just as you’re ready to move out.

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Ugh!! This deluge of crapola is beginning to make the prospect of moving into a old-folkerie like the Beatitudes almost look good. At least there, someone else has to ride herd on the repairs.

But…sheee-ut.  Just look at the joys promised by that link. Ain’t that just ducky?  You, too, can shed your household headaches by locking yourself up in a prison for old duffers.

You get to shed your cash, too. Those places grab every penny you’ve got in exchange for shepherding you into the next world. Such was the case with my father. Seriously: his old-folkerie glommed virtually all of his life savings. AND….he made a good living as a sea captain, plus he was one of the great tightwads of the Western World. So he had a sh!tload of money for them to snatch away from him.

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Dayum! But I’m MAD AS A CAT over that stolen pool equipment.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I guess if I’m gonna drain the damn pool, I’ll need to have some sort of platform built over it.

The next-door neighbor hasn’t done that. She just has an empty hole in the ground back there. Looks like HELL, and for my taste renders the back porch/yard essentially unusable.

You can bet she hasn’t covered it with a platform because any such thing will cost a goddam arm and a leg.  So I should spend hundreds or more likely thousands of dollars to cover the hole in ground with a wooden deck?

goddammit i don’t wanna do that.

Helle’s belles. Maybe I’d do better to jury-rig repairs to the dam thing now, then put the house on the market, sell up, and move into the horrifying Beatitudes.

But..to coin a phrase:

goddammit i don’t wanna do that.

I just LOATHE congregate living. And I do NOT want to live in a dormitory for old buzzards.

GAAAAAAAHHH!  STOP THE WORLD! I WANNA GET OFF!!!!!

WTF?????????

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How in the name of GOD do these clowns get their jobs????? And when a company hires some jerk, do they NEVER test them to see if the jerk knows what he’s doing???????

ARRRGHHHHH!

So….I go out to the pool and start to mess with the pump equipment, by way of cleaning out the filter’s strainer — which by now should be jammed with leaves and stuff, by now, right? Because Pool Dude was here several days ago.

And yeah, no question about it: I SHOULD have gone out there two or three days ago and checked the equipment. But no. I didn’t Because I was too damn lazy. And because, after all, that’s what I pay THEM to do, right?

Arrrghhhh! You’d think by now I’d know better, eh?

So I wander past the pump this afternoon and notice…uhhhh….waitaminit.

The pump’s strainer basket is sitting on the step stool.

Huh?

It’s not inside the pump, where it’s supposed to be. Some moron has taken it out of the pump and LEFT IT SITTING OUT. So all the leaves and crap can get sucked inside the equipment!

Ohhhh F****ck!

Shut everything down.

Take everything apart.

Clean everything out.

Swear, cuss, and swear some more.

Put the parts back together.

Seal the unit back up.

Pray to the Swimming Pool Gods…

Turn the unit back on…

SHHHHHHWWWWWWIIIIIIIIISHHH…..

A miracle!

Looks like the damn thing is working. And there’s even a chance it’s working right.

Well…Helle’s belles. We’ll know along about this time tomorrow afternoon if it actually IS running right. Because by this time tomorrow we’ll have a pool guy out here, to the tune of a pretty penny.

We can pretty much bet that the thing is busted or, at best, cattywampus.. Can’t hurt to hope, though.

But….in fact…. No. It looks like Harvey is probably busted. He’s just going around and around in little circles. That means tomorrow I’ll have to take him to the pool store…which will be quite the trick without a car!

Waitaminit…. Let’s take that back: It looks like Harvey is working but his hose has been shortened to the point where he can’t travel all the way across the bottom of the pool, shallow end to deep end and back. Hence: the elegant circles… Lo! the Explanation: Somebody stole several lengths of pool hose! Then disguised the theft by reconnecting the remaining hose to Harvey.

Goddammit! 

WHY DOES EVERY MORON ON THE PLANET HAVE TO GET IN FRONT OF ME?????????

If  they’re a moron, they’re guaranteed to come my way!

Man! Am I ever sick of STUPID STUFF. 

WEATHER! WE’VE GOT WEATHER!!

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WOW! It’s 111 degrees in the shade of the back porch, and POURING rain.

No kidding! We’re in the middle of a gray, windy rainstorm, water gushing off the roof, and the thermometer out there literally does read 111 degrees.

WHAT a place, eh?

Well. When this kinda thing happens, it usually causes the searing summer heat to cool down into the 80s or so. And…well…that’s an improvement.

Whether the rain will stop enough to let Ruby the Corgi go out after she scarfs down her dinner remains to be seen. But we have an hour or two before we need to consider that eventuality.

If the rain stops, we can take her for her usual walk and dump her here and there around the ‘Hood. But if not, she’ll be doing her Thing in the backyard.

Which is fine: one way or the other, the Human has to pick it up.

But…oh, my! What a storm. The wind is carrying on like a banshee.

Welp…tomorrow we’ll have a fine mess to clean out of the pool. It’ll be several days before Pool Dude is due, so the Human will have to skim and vacuum up the debris.

Yay. I can…uhm…hardly wait.