Coffee heat rising

Resuscitating My Life: Überlist 2

So yesterday I decided I need a couple of broad, overarching lists to get back on track for managing my life in the middle of the current healthcare madness. The first outlines steps to try to recover my health. Next, a strategy for dealing with the dog situation.

Dog Management To-Do’s

1. Decide whether to keep Ruby or not

• Find out if M’hijito wants to keep her

• If he continues to refuse to answer emails and phone, physically go to his house and get a response
• If he wants the dog, leave her there
• If he doesn’t want the dog, retrieve her and make a decision about what to do next

2. If decision is to return dog:

• Call Lindsay
• Get SDXB to help navigate back to Wittman, turn dog over to Lindsay

3. If decision is to keep dog:

• Simplify feeding

• If M’hijito has switched Pup to Charley’s kibble, keep her on it
• If not, feed her cooked commercial dog food rolls

• Order vibrate/shock collar from Amazon and put it on her full-time. Use it to…

• Bring a stop to food competition
• Break up fights with Cassie

• Keep pup off bed

• Only Cassie goes on bed
• Get Costco dog  mattress; place in crate
• Get hinged gate for bedroom door
• After 2 or 3 weeks, leave crate door open at night, with hinged gate closed
• After another 2 or 3 weeks, remove crate from bedroom, leave mattress in place, and close hinged gate at night
• Use hinged gate to confine Ruby to bedroom while gone, leaving Cassie at large in house

• Teach Ruby to use doggy door

• Keep dogs separated when I’m not home

• When weather is clement, leave Ruby outdoors
• Confine her indoors only when it’s too hot, cold, or wet to leave her in the yard
• When she has to be indoors, confine Cassie & Ruby in different spaces

Effing nightmare. As if there weren’t enough to cope with…

Resuscitating My Life: A Pair of Überlists

Okay, enough is enough. After a week of lying in bed, I have got to try to drag myself back into the land of the living. The plan is to try to resuscitate my life by drafting two overarching überlists, one for managing the health situation and the other for managing the dog predicament, should I decide to keep Ruby.

Today, a plan for restoring my health to something at least vaguely tolerable. Tomorrow: how to deal with the dog problem.

Health Restoration To-Do’s

1. Draw a line at which the “it’s not a cancer” torture must stop.

• Contact Dr. Laura Esserman at UCSF and ask for a consultation. Try to get answers to these questions:

• Given that there is no invasive cancer and there never has been a cancer, and given that an EPC is so indolent that it was never likely to have developed into a cancer and that only two cases of metastasis from an EPC have ever been recorded, is radiation really necessary?

• Is tamoxifen treatment really necessary?

• Instead of subjecting myself to a third re-excision — a fourth surgery in what is likely a futile quest — should I ask to have the breast amputated now instead of going after a successful excision + radiation + tamoxifen?

• Make decisions as possible and reasonable in light of any answers obtained there

2. Try to return to some semblance of normalcy

• Exercise:

• One walk in a.m. or p.m. without dog
• One walk in p.m. or a.m. with dog

• Get back to healthy eating

• Make xergis so as to gag down yogurt to counteract antibiotic damage
• Restock veggies and fruits, and eat the damn things!
• Cut up the spoiling apples and refrigerate them so they can be cooked for breakfast
• Consume oatmeal for breakfast or lunch to get gut working again

• Combat fatigue and depression

• Nap in afternoon to alleviate exhaustion
• Get back to the company of humans:
…..Go to choir!
…..Go to SBA!
• Have Shane style hair and come up with attractive up-do
• Get a top-quality body cream and massage hands, feet, and nails daily
• Oil skin all over once or twice a day

2. Fix the front bathroom so the shower in there can be used until this sh!t is over

• Learn how to jimmy showerhead to remove flow restrictor; install
• Remove bathroom decor for the duration

3. Clean out the lingerie drawer and organize so finding iron maidens and bras is no longer a headache

4. Buy a new heating pad; make another cover.

• Treat boob with heat and ice three times a day

5. Decide what help to retain

• Cleaning lady? Pool guy? Yard guy?
• Figure out how on earth to pay them

6. Try to get back to work

• Figure out how to deal with 235 class that starts five days after next surgical circus
• Figure out what to do with Pete’s project or who to farm it out to, and for how much
• Work on P&S website
• If Jesse can’t or won’t help make sense of this, move it to BlueHost
• In either event, move Writers P&S off WordPress.com at the earliest possible moment

Gratitude(?)

Over at A Gai Shan Life, Revanche is climbing back from her recent shocking loss and, I suppose, from the equally shocking (potentially) good news. Resonating off a theme launched by eemusings, she lists several things she’s grateful for and asks readers to join in.

Just now, I must say, I’m finding it difficult to evince much gratitude.

The modern medicine that recently has made Revanche’s life more comfortable has disrupted my life Big Time. I’ve been cut up, half-healed, infected, bloated with hematoma, ruptured and bleeding, in pain, sickened by drugs, and waiting to be cut up again since the end of June, and whether Dr. P manages to “get it all” on her next fishing expedition or whether she has to lob the boob off altogether, the nightmare is not going to end much before the middle of December. If the surgery ends with success (heh…) on October 15, I will then have to heal up again — a month or so — and then be subjected to at least three or four weeks of radiation therapy, which will be followed by some weeks of debilitating fatigue. And God only knows how long it will take to get over that!

The longer the mess goes on, the more evident it becomes that the disruption, pain, and distress were utterly unnecessary, the result of massive overtreatment of women’s breast issues institutionalized within our  healthcare system. As each day passes, I learn how many more women have gone through some or all of this ordeal. The number is huge, many more than the one in eight who are said to develop breast cancer over the course of a lifetime. That is because women who do not have and probably will never have breast cancer are being subjected to the same treatment they would get if they did have cancer: mutilating surgeries, risk-fraught radiation therapy, and chemotherapy, all in the name of prophylaxis.

Sorry. I don’t feel grateful for that at all. Yes, I’m glad I don’t have cancer, but I very much doubt that an extremely indolent growth that, if you believe Dr. P on the rate at which these things expand, has resided harmlessly in my body for a good ten or fifteen years, would ever have developed into cancer. And if it did, it could have been treated then, in exactly the same way it’s being treated now — only for an actual reason.

I’m grateful this happened while the stock market is up, so I can take money out of retirement savings without totally raping what little remains of my future. Like unto “grateful it isn’t cancer when it clearly was not cancer, is not cancer, and probably never would have become cancer,” that’s a pretty piss-poor target of gratitude. Gee, I’m so glad I had plenty of money to be taken away from me pointlessly by doctors, hospitals, cancer centers, household help, pool help, yard help, dog help.

I’m grateful my business partner was here to cover for me. I’d have lost my shirt three ways from Sunday if she weren’t picking up my work. As it is, I’m probably going to lose one lucrative account, because that project simply cannot be done without my contribution, and I’m too sick to do it. The plan to expand The Copyeditor’s Desk into indie publishing is down in flames. I can’t even get my act together to build the website Jesse established for it, much less actually do any work.

I’m grateful my son has kindly taken uncountable hours of time off work to drag me back and forth to surgery after surgery. But I’m not the slightest bit grateful that I had to ask him to do that, and that I have no other resource to take the pressure off him.

I’m grateful that the corgi breeder who charged me $1,200 for Ruby will probably let me return her, now that I’m too sick to take care of her and that she’s decided to turn Cassie into a doormat. No refund, of course; nor will there be refunds for the astonishing amounts of cash outlay on vet bills, special UTI dog food, dog gates, dog crates, dog leashes, dog collars, dog harness, the wrought-iron gate to keep her out of the pool, and on and on and on and on. I’m grateful my son has taken her off my hands for a couple of weeks. I’m not grateful at all that I’m going to have to take her back where she will be kenneled for heaven knows how long, and that I probably would have had to do so even if the boob fiasco had never happened.

I’m grateful the weather is cooling a little. And that there are no disclaimers to that one.

So… Gratitude? Mixed. Very mixed. Tepid, one might say.

    This poor youngling for whom we do sing     Bye, bye, lully, lullay.
This poor youngling for whom we do sing
Bye, bye, lully, lullay.

 

 

Damn, I’m Good!

LOL! Check out my latest tour de force over at Writers Plain & Simple. Feeling pretty smug about it.

One of my clients emitted a newly plotted Book I of his sweeping historical epic, complete with reimagined characters and richly researched details. As I was reading one section of it, certain baleful habits in verb use struck my eye. Naturally, since I never can keep an opinion to myself, I held forth at length about how to fix these. He claimed to like the result (at least he hasn’t thrown a frying pan at me yet). So I got his permission to use a few examples from that section as the basis for a post at the writer’s blog.

The result, I think, is kind of informative for people who want to be Writers with a Capital W.

Might be useful for bloggers, too. 😉

Car to Chuck’s: Pray for a LONG Life

Toyota_Sienna_--_07-09-2009Welp, the car is (belatedly) down at Chuck’s Auto Service, there to be refreshed for another year of survival.

Very nearly missed my chance: the ole Dog Chariot was supposed to arrive in his precincts at 8 a.m. But…a disadvantage of laying flat on your back day after day is that your computer is plugged into a bedroom outlet. After I let the dog out at dawn, I crawled back into the sack and started working on a client’s work.

The nose stayed on the grindstone till about 9 a.m., when I got hungry. Stumbled out to get the paper and was reminded of the leaking sprinkler head in front. Staggered back to the phone to call Gerardo and ask him to come fix it. He asked cuando? Looked at the calendar… Uh oh!

Called Chuck’s: Pete answered; said to bring it right down.

Flew toward the shop; turned around, flew back to the house to check to be sure I’d turned the fire off under the water kettle (whose contents I had imagined would be used to make coffee…); jumped back in the car; flew toward the shop.

Chuck drove me home and will bring the car back later today. This was good, in its way: it allowed him to get an earful of the squealing brakes. They just DID a brake job a few months ago.

Sort of. I think it was last in for an oil change in…uhm…January.

I’ve been putting off service because I thought I would buy a new car this summer. Then when all this medical sh!t  fell on my head, shopping for a car was out of the question.

And now buying a new car this summer or any time in the near future is out of the question. All the money I’d planned to use to buy the car is going to the Mayo Clinic.

Driving homeward, I said to Chuck that I need for the thing to run at least another two or three  years; possibly another five.

I’ve never owned a car this old! It is 14 years old. Still running like a top, though.

Well, that may not be true…the Mercedes may have been older. The number that sticks in my mind is 13 years; but it could have been longer. It also was running (expensively) well. The only reason we traded it in was the switch to unleaded gas. The thing ran on leaded, and we were told that unleaded would wreck the engine and we eventually would have to install a new one, which would cost as much as buying a new vehicle.

CeyBenz1972What a shame! It was SUCH a wonderful car, so beautiful…and holy MACKEREL the power that thing had! It was slow from a standing start, but at 65 mph all you had to do was breathe on the gas pedal and suddenly you’d be at 85. You have  never seen such acceleration in a big old galumphing sedan with walnut and leather trim.

Heh. We traded it in on a Toyota and never looked back.

Whatever. This year there’ll be no RAM  1500 with four doors and a six-banger for me.

On the other hand, every year I can put off buying a new car makes it more likely that the next vehicle will be the last one I’ll ever have to buy. So that’s good. I’ve got cash to buy one more car, but not enough to spring for two.

Hm. Maybe the next car should be a Mercedes…

 😉

 whoa there! Wait. a. minnit.

For less than it would cost to get this:

ChevyExterior

ChevyInterior

I could get this:

CeyBenz

CeyBenzInterior

Well, by golly. Every cloud has a silver lining, doesn’t it?

😆

So, Where Were We?

Where were we, indeed? I’ve lost track. But this morning a tiny  bit of normalcy trickled back into life: My accountant friend and I drove out to the weekly meeting of the Scottsdale Business Association, the business group that we’ve taken to calling “The Breakfast Club.” Business leads do get exchanged, but in such a low-key way as to be virtually unnoticeable.

Really. They do! Today I gave Francis the Gardener, who runs an upscale concierge service, leads to two of the Valley’s highest-end Realtors, one of whom went to graduate school with me. She quit at the master’s level to take up the practice of real estate. Some punkins are a great deal smarter than the rest of the vegetables in the patch.

If you’d like to see how the 1 percent lives, check out her featured listings.

Okay, that was a distraction. Where were we?

So it was pleasant and soothing to see my old bidness friends again. It’s a convenable and cheering group to spend time with, even when we’re grutching about the sad state of national and international affairs. Being too sick to go to those meetings or to choir has pretty much isolated me from humanity and that alone is demoralizing.

Yesterday the cough that prevented The Surgeon from doing the work she needed to do with me under a general anaesthesia got lots worse. So I betook myself to the precincts of the high-powered pulmonologist who treated the bronchitis I enjoyed two years ago; got in on the very day with his partner.

This guy diagnosed what ails me as a viral bronchitis. He wrote a prescription for codeine with Phenargan.

In the course of telling him how I came to this pass and why I was swallowing the pills I carried in to his office, I mentioned that I’m on cephalexin for a supposed breast infection that The Surgeon says is not an infection and allegedly proved it when she vacuumed out my boob.

He said, “If you don’t have an infection, why are you still taking an antibiotic?”

I said, “Because she told me to take the rest of it.”

“Why?”

Why? Trust me, dude, I was in no condition to ask questions! “I don’t know. Maybe she meant it prophylactically.”

“I think you should stop taking it. Don’t take any more of this.”

Oh. God. All. Mighty

So now once again we’ve got two heavy hitters dispensing diametrically opposite advice.

The Phenargan in the cough med he prescribed dried out my mouth and throat so much I couldn’t swallow. At all. Thinking my tongue was swelling, along about 11  last night I called 911. The paramedic felt that it could not be an allergic reaction because it had been so long since I took the drug; she thought it was a reaction to the Phenargan and so connected me with Poison Control, whose CSR opined likewise.

Lovely.

I’m prone to laryngeal spasms, a peculiarly disturbing quirk. They block off one’s breathing so that you can’t even gasp out your address to the 911 set, to say nothing of telling them what’s wrong. If you relish moments of sheer, unadulterated terror, try one of those in the dark of the night when you’re all alone.

So I decided I’d better not lay my head on the pillow or dast to go to sleep. So worked until about 3 a.m., when exhaustion won out. Then it was up at 6 to feed the dog and get ready to shoot out the door for the meeting.

At any rate, I got through 13 pages of a client’s project before accursed Wyrd did one of its infamous catastrophic crashes and lost two pages of it. Probably the re-do of those two pages was better than the first effort.

Just got a call back from the pulmonologist’s office; he wrote an Rx for Robitussin with codeine, which should do the trick. Still waiting to hear from The Surgeon’s underling on the question of why I’m being asked to take five more days of a powerful antibiotic if I never had an infection in the first place.

§ § §

In the absence of Ruby the Corgi Pup, Cassie the Corgi has come back to life. As we scribble, she’s in full Ball Pestering Mode, to her great delight. Pup had brought a stop to playing with Ball — in the first place because she grabs it away from Cassie and threatens to kill her if she comes anywhere near the thing, and in the second because I had to pick all the balls up and put them away (i.e., lose them) because she chews mightily on them — tennis balls are very dangerous to dogs that want to chew them up. Cassie does not chew balls, nor does she hold them in her mouth for any length of time. She picks them up and throws them (no joke — she actually can pitch one of those things clear across the room) at the sucker who gets started with her.

Cassie is eating her food in peace. Cassie is getting unmolested doggie walks — the last couple of days I’ve been able to crawl around the neighborhood, which I’ve not been able to do while trying to manipulate Pup with a boob that hurts at every tug and hurts even more every time I have to bend over. Cassie is resting beside my chair again (she was relegated to the back bathroom, where she went to hide).

She’s still not back to normal. She may never go back to normal.

What to do with Ruby remains to be seen. My son still has her, but he has said he doesn’t want to keep her permanently. I can’t deal with a puppy in my present condition, and it appears this isn’t going to get better for quite a long time. So I suppose she’ll have to go back to the breeder. And that is a whole ’nother difficult and depressing project to launch and see through. Just haven’t had the strength or the heart to get in touch with the woman.

But I guess that’s gonna have to be done pretty soon.