funny | Funny about Money

Eeeeek! What NEXT, Lord?

February 26, 2026 by funny

So here’s the Human: loafing in its easy chair, swilling coffee, and munching chocolate. And there’s the Dawg: squirreling around with something on the floor.

Human takes a swiggle of coffee and a closer look, and…and…

HOOOLEEE maquerel! That something is a SCORPION.

Incredibly, it hasn’t yet launched its defenses against the Dawg.

IS there REALLY never a dull goddam moment?
And why th’Hell NOT????

Human leaps up, chases the dog off, grabs an old jar and a piece of stiff paper.

Into the glassware with the little guy, lidded in with the paper slab.

What an amazing and wonderful creature! Looks like something that came straight from some Age Before the Dinosaurs.

So we carry the little guy through the garage and out the door, way into the front yard. Down by the street, as far from the Shack as possible. Gently, carefully let him out into the gravel beneath one of the trees.

Now, if you were God, what on earth (or in Heaven) would persuade you to create such a strange little beast?

Kinda mystifies me: I could never imagine how to put such an animal together.

Presumably, that’s why I’m not God, eh? 😉

Life in the Desert: Hazards Thereof

February 25, 2026 by funny

The heavy-duty steel screen door is closed and locked…interior door open to let in some fresh air and let Ruby peer out.

WHAT a goddam place we live in, where you dare not leave the kitchen door open while you putter around the house! Ruby the Corgi, of course, would make a ruckus if someone tried to enter…but by then it would be too late for the human.

Some bastards nabbed a woman out of her home near Tucson the other day. She’s been gone the better part of a month. No knows what happened to her…though presumably the puddle of blood outside her door is not a good sign.

I really should keep a pistol at hand. But…ugh! That is just NOT my style. I don’t want a gun laying around, thankyouverymuch! No, not even in a house where no kids hang out.

Really, though…I suppose it isn’t safe to be loafing in your family room totally unarmed. Bad idea.

Well, it’s something to think about. Something tiresome to think about….

Because we live in a hectic part of the city, one thing we don’t have to fret about here is rattlesnakes. In some precincts, that is an issue.

Oh well… In other sylvan precincts: it’s off to the physical therapists tonight. Ugh! Another feature of life in the big city that I could do without.

Oh, well. This evening the hip HURTS with a vengeance. So that means I’ll be able to point the therapist right to the vicinity where it hurts. Then with that detail in mind, maybe they’ll be able to show me how to beat it back.

Very, very tired of hurting….

***

YIPE! Cop copter just roared over. Goodie…

Mercifully, he roared on up the way…by now is several miles distant. That, presumably, means the perp is not outside the back door.

Ruby the Corgi is in full loaf mode, which presumably signals that she doesn’t hear or sense anyone around. A dog, unfortunately, is not a 100% burglar alarm. But she’s better than the human, anyway. About 2/3 to 3/4 of the time, she’ll alert me if anything is up.

***

Ah! Here’s my Hero on the phone: calling to say he’s on his way over here to pick me up and tote me to the physical therapists.

Isn’t that nice! Really, there’s no way I could get there other than in a cab, if he weren’t hauling me around. <3

I do hurt too much to drive a car just now.

Uh oh… Here he is!!

Ear Whistle? Or Limp?

February 25, 2026 by funny

{Chortle!} So a few days ago I held forth about gulping down ibuprofen…which I had to do to beat back the pretty startling pain in a spavined hip.

Ibuprofen, it develops, makes your ears whistle. So, as we scribble, my head is singing SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE……

Yeah: one gets one’s choice: a giant pain in the a$$, or invisible screamers in your ears!

Argh! How could I do without this ess-aitch-ai? Let me count the ways…

Jet planes are roaring around to the north of us. “To the north” would suggest they’re not the Air Force numbers that charge back and forth over Sun City as dawn cracks — it’s to the west of us. But…why anyone would have jets blasting back and forth over a residential subdivision escapes me.

Sure could do without it, though WHAT a racket!

Meanwhile, ibuprofen or no ibuprofen — ear-whistle or no ear-whistle — the damn hip hurts like the dickens. That will obviate today’s doggy-walk.

Now we’ve got some moron out there on the street, just on the other side of my backyard wall, SHRIEKING AT HIS DOG at the top of his voice: YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW…

I holler back, without getting up from my easy chair, KNOCK IT OFF, STUPID!

😀 He must have heard me: he shut up.

God, but I’m tired of stupid.

Seriously: it seems — all the time! — like we have Stupid to the left of us and Stupid to the right of us, Stupid to the front of us and Stupid to the back of us. WE’RE SURROUNDED BY MORONS!

Oh man! What a racket from those damn jets. And y’know: they’re a good 20 miles away!

The air is dead still — not a leaf on the trees jiggling. That must be why the uproar carries so far this morning. You rarely hear the Luke AFB racket all the way into town.

Should get up and walk Ruby around the ‘Hood.

But…kinda doubt that I can, actually. This hip hurts so much I can barely wriggle. Just walking over to the kitchen to add some hot water to a cup of tea hurts like the dickens. Probably I should just limp back to bed!

Oh well. Old Dawg-Yeller seems to have waddled on down the street. The fighter jets have gone on their way. The ears are still doing their air-raid siren thing. Nothing’s gonna get any better. And likely nothing’s gonna get any worse. Think I’ll go back to bed!

Hah! I’m IN!!!

February 25, 2026 by funny

Click on “Firefox” to open Funny about Money, and get an aggravating pop-up: “Choose a Firefox profile to log in.”

I don’t WANT a Firefox profile, goddammit!!!!! I just want to get into my silly little blog!

Arrrrrrrggggghhhh! Life in the 21st Century: one goddamn aggravation after another!

Oh, well. For reasons unknown, the system has let me in. We’ll soon see whether it’ll let me load a post to FaM.

I wonder if life in, say, the 1960s seemed as aggravating to my parents, who came to majority in the 1930s and ’40s. Can’t remember them grousing ALL the time about this modern inconvenience and that unnecessary hassle. But…hmmm… Surely, it must have seemed just as alien to them as the accursed 2020s seem to me.

{sigh} I don’t recall my mother grousing as much as I do about this hassle and that headache. But come to think of it, she did encounter hassles and headaches incident upon modernization.

And I need a $15,000 car…WHY?

February 23, 2026 by funny

If you read Funny about Money all the time, you know my honored son made off with my car some weeks ago. Purloined it right out of the garage, and stole the keys that go with it. 😀

Did he think this would create some lesson-building entrée into my life?

Hevvin only knows. Minds, I do not read.

But I’ll tellya, it has taught me a lesson: a very important lesson. And that is…HANG ONTO YOUR HAT!… as a resident of a major Southwestern American city, forhevvinsake I don’t need a car!

Got that? And can you believe it?

Four or six weeks ago, I wouldn’t have believed it: not on your life!

But now, today, after several marvelously car-free weeks, I’ve come to exactly that conclusion: I don’t need a car!

And in fact, it’s very probable that any one of us who lives in a major American metropolis does not need a car!

Can you imagine? Two or three months ago, I sure couldn’t have.

Now, it’s true: when my mother and I lived in San Francisco, we did have my father’s beloved sedan at hand. But we regarded it not as our car but as his car. It resided several stories down in an underground parking garage. My mother would get it out when she and I wanted to traipse across the Bay to our relatives’ house in Berkeley: maybe once every two or three weeks. But otherwise: it just sat in there while he was off at sea.

When his ship came into port, she would retrieve his Chrysler, fill up the gas tank, and off we would go to pick him up at whatever dock his ship came into. But otherwise? The thing just sat there.

And now, here in Lovely Uptown Phoenix, I find I need a car even less than she and I did Back in the Day. No kidding:

Three major grocery stores within easy walking distance
A hair stylist about four blocks down the road.
A veterinarian right next door to the stylist’s salon.
Two major computer stores in the cluster that houses the grocers.
A lawyer a few blocks to the north.
A doctor’s office to the south
Two accountants straight across the street from me.
An Uber driver next-door to the accountants’ place….

Seriously: it goes on and on. I don’t need a car! If, by some fluke, I should need the services of a business or professional who’s not within walking distance, all I have to do is call one of the Uber drivers who live here in the ‘Hood.

Another Day, Another Jab in the Hip…

February 21, 2026February 21, 2026 by funny

LOL! The spavined hip remains…spavined! Well…actually, that’s a bit of an overstatement. It does still hurt. As in HURT. But…nowhere as much as it hurt yesterday. The pain does seem to be going down a little.

My guess is (Doctor Hay Speaks!) that the worst of the pain will be gone after about another three days.

Just now, it’s a whisper on the nerve-wracking side. Horribly light-headed! Feel like I just might faint.

Why, I can’t imagine: it doesn’t hurt THAT much. But weirdly, somehow I’m dizzy and my heart is pounding and it does indeed feel like I could pass out.

Why I would feel like my head is about to float off into orbit: that escapes me. Haven’t had so much as a sip of booze all day: no wine, no whiskey, no nothin’ in that line.

Soooo….what’s with the crazy light-headedness? Seriously: it doesn’t feel like anything near enough pain to make me pass out. Hmmm…pulse seems to be pounding a bit fast…why??? Ears whistling….woooooooooooooooo!

Probably ought to repair to the ER. But my poor son has been SO HARASSED with this stupid stuff, I do hate to call him and ask him to deal with some new episode.

Should I walk up to the ER? Doubt if I can get that far, on foot and alone.

Hmmmm…. Let’s try reclining on the sofa…phone in hand. Assuming I can get that far….

WHOA!!!

Google “Can ibuprofen cause vertigo,” and here’s what you get:

Yes, ibuprofen can cause vertigo, dizziness, and lightheadedness, though it is not a common side effect for everyone. As an NSAID, it can sometimes cause ototoxicity (damage to ear structures) or restrict blood flow to the inner ear, leading to vertigo, dizziness, and tinnitus.

LUUUUVLEEEEE!

Dammit! I’ve been gulping ibuprofen for…what? the past three days? Hell, longer than that! The past FIVE days.

Wouldn’cha know?:

Honestly, I seem to be growing more and more sensitive to over-the-counter nostrums. This is the first time I’ve enjoyed what appears to be a reaction to ibuprofen. But…hmm…on the other hand, I wouldn’t normally dose myself with it for several days in a row.

So????? Does that have anything even resembling significance?

Possibly: I may simply have OD’ed on the stuff.

……

hmmmmm….

Ear whistling seems to be backing off a bit. Both ears feel weirdly congested, but the loud WHEEEEEE is slowly fading.

What to do, what to do? If anything….

Hanging on for another few minutes: off to pass the idle time on the beloved Internet….

……

Next Google: Can Ibuprofen cause tinnitus?

Yes, ibuprofen, as a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID), can cause or worsen tinnitus (ringing in the ears), particularly with high-dose or long-term, daily usage

. This side effect is often temporary and reversible once the medication is stopped, as it often results from decreased blood flow to the cochlea.

Uh HUH! Wouldn’t you fukkin KNOW?!

……

Hmmmmmm…. What to do here?

What to do what to do…. Well… As we sit here fussing, the ear howling is slacking off. It’ ain’t gone….that’s for sure. BUT…neither is it still wailing like an air-raid siren. Hmmm….

Welll…..it doesn’t look like this is gonna be fatal. (Hey! if it DOES kill me, at least the ear-wailing will go away!)

So I think it probably will be safe to wait another half-hour to sixty minutes, just to see what happens. If the wailing continues to fade, then I’ll just let it go…and never, EVER swallow another ibuprofen pill.

If the ears are still howling after a half-hour…then what? Guess I’ll just walk up to the local ER and see what they have to say about it.

Goody. 😮