Coffee heat rising

My Father’s Little Orphan Annie

In effect, my mother was my father’s Little Orphan Annie: an abandoned child with no resources and no future.

A large part of my mother’s life, certainly during her upbringing, was fukkin’ gawdawful. My father came along and rescued her from fukkin’ gawdawful.

His answer to fukkin’ gawdawful was marriage and an escape overseas, to a drudging life in Saudi Arabia’s American oil port, Ras Tanura.

After ten years in that hellish place, they decamped to the San Francisco Bay Area, where my father, an oil tanker captain and navigator, shipped out of the East Bay and my mother and I occupied a series of (quite nice!) apartments in the City and then in Long Beach, in Southern California. Eventually he retired and they decamped again, this time to Arizona.

They sent me to college here. My father worked until he could finally see his way clear to retiring, and the two of them figured to spend the rest of their lives in Sun City, an exceptionally bland retirement community on the west side of Phoenix.

That lasted a couple of years, until a major recession struck and my father had to go back to sea.

Horrible! I can’t even imagine how depressing that must have been — for both of them, but certainly for him. Poor man!

Another few years passed and he contrived to quit the hated job, once and for all. By then I was about through college; moving on to a job in a law firm, and very happy to no longer be living in dreary Sun City.

I went on to marry one of the lawyers (that’s what young women were supposed to do, right? Land someone to support them for the rest of their lives…)

Meanwhile, my mother sat crocheting in front of the TV set and smoked. And smoked. And smoked. And smoked. And eventually succeeded in bringing on a cancer that, predictably enough, killed her.

***

Honest to gawd!  Both of them — my father and my mother — were right-wing crazies, the sort who thought anything they disagreed with that appeared in the news was just bat-brained propaganda from Big Brother.

Yes, that really WAS what they thought.

Unfortunately, Big Brother had the story right this time. And so, not surprisingly, this time my mother puffed herself into the grave.

Okay: so he’s stuck out in the middle of nowhere, on the west side of the Valley. She’s done; he’s bereft.

Now he sells the Sun City house and buys into an old-folkerie, a place called Orangewood. Having lived in institutional settings all his adult life, he thought it was just grand. My mother had refused to go there, and so he’d had to wait until she died to get rid of the shack and install himself in the landlocked version of a ship.

Ugh! I’d have died if I’d had to live there. He liked it, though. I guess to him it must have felt like home. Because, after all, he had lived on ships — institutions — since he was 17 years old.

And I do wonder: did he like it? Was it life on the Bounding Main reincarnated? Or was it what he had envisioned as the ideal retirement?

The latter is my guess — never having been able to read his mind.

He was a handsome man, by any measure. And so the minute he moved into the old-folkerie and walked into the dining hall, a feeding frenzy ensued.

Since he was, as far as I can tell, a staidly loyal married man, it hadn’t yet occurred to him that he was the Catch of a Lifetime…or so it would seem to all the agèd ladies at the old folks’ home.

Within weeks he was snared.

So — again, as far as I can tell — he must have felt he’d hit the jackpot. Not only a dwelling in a hotel-like affair designed to cater to the elderly where someone else would buy the groceries, cook the meals, clean  the apartment, and take out the trash, but now a New Woman! 

He seems not to have thought through that bounty very thoroughly: within a few weeks he had proposed to said New Woman.

Mistake. As you can imagine:

* He was accustomed to living with my mother, who after some 30 years together knew him well and knew how to make him happy.

* He did not recognize the Wicked Witch of the West for what she was. Yes: a wicked witch.

Oh, my. You wanna talk horror show? Lemme tellya horror show! 

At one point I urged him to divorce the bit¢h. But he was having none o’ that: “She’ll get all my MONEY,” wailed he.

I was neither wise enough nor brave enough to say, in reply, “Daddy: some things are more important than money.” Wouldn’t have mattered: he would have ignored that bit of advice.

So he spent the rest of his life in misery, until he had a stroke that carried him away.

What a way to wrap up your life, eh?

Brrrrrrr! …I think….

Colder ‘n’ a by-gawd out there on the back porch. But…but…the thermometer reads 48 degrees….which just ain’t THAT cold.

Need to take the Savage Beast (all 30 pounds of her) for a walk. Now, not later. But my enthusiasm for that project is about nil.

And speaking of dawgs and jobs you’d druther not do: Ruby’s beloved Pool Dude was just here and gone. LORDIE, there’s a real you’d-druther-not!! Slopping around in cold water and chemicals when the air is so cold it makes your hands ache.

Ohhh well. Thanks to that lovely fella, the pool is sparkling clean (and it stays so!), and I do not have to lift one limp little paw to make it that way. Basically, he makes it possible for me to stay in this house.

Well. No: that’s not exactly so. True: I did used to clean the pool myself, which (as you may have surmised) didn’t kill me. My neighbor just to the west has drained her pool. And she leaves it sitting there empty. Actually, during the rainy season she leaves enough of a puddle in the bottom to breed hordes of mosquitoes, which fly in her other next-door neighbor’s windows and bite bite bite bite bite. They put that poor woman (known in her family as Other Daughter, she being the youngest of two) in the hospital. (Mosquitoes carry all sorts of diseases, not just malaria).

I taught Other Daughter’s dad to throw mosquito repellent and insecticide over the wall into the puddle, which seems to have helped some. Hard to tell, though: it’s too cold for skeeters just now.

Why on EARTH would you buy a house with a hole in the ground in which to breed bugs unless you were gonna use the hole in the ground???

Contemplating the neighborhood bullsh!t returns me, irresistibly and unpleasantly, to contemplating the possibility of moving back to Sun City, where people don’t indulge this kind of bat-brained behavior. (Out there, they have other kinds of BS to play with.)

My parents dragged me to Sun City when my father made his first pass at retiring from his job as a sea-going tanker pilot. Even though young people are not allowed in that garden spot, my parents claimed (correctly) that I had weaseled my way into the University of Arizona at the age of 16, and so would be living in dorms in Tucson. But in fact, I spent all the university’s “vacation” time in un-lovely Sun city: winter break, spring break, and three months’ worth of summer break.

Just hated living there! 

Oh, well. Life ain’t what you pay for, is it?

Speaking of (un)lovely Sun City, I haven’t heard from SDXB (“Semi-Demi-Ex-Boyfriend”) in ages. Called out there a few times: no answer. I hope he and New Girlfriend are OK.

Unless medical care in that place has changed a lot since my parents lived there, Sun City is no place to get sick. The horrific excuse for “care” my mother got during her last months is one of several reasons I refused to move westerly, ever westerly when SDXB sold his house here in the ‘Hood and moved out there. That and the gawdawful racket from Luke Air Force Base. And the hate.

Those people hate everyone and everything in any way different from them. Foremost, of course, is skin color. Then affluence: better not be busted & disgusted and try to live out there… Then politics: if you’re a damnfool liberal, you’d better keep your mouth shut. Then religion: Judaism is not high on the list of preferred systems of worship…though my parents regarded Judaism more as a racial category than as a way of thinking.

What an awful place! Even if my son hadn’t been living in central Phoenix, NO WAY would I have followed SDXB out there when he took off for the West Side.

****

But…but…but…

***

It is indeed much cheaper to live out there than it is to live in town.

So occasionally I do think...maybe I should sell the Funny Farm and move out to dreary…uhm…lovely Sun City.

But really…why? 

Unless you hate kids, there’s really no good reason to move out there.

My parents did, effectively. Hate kids, that is. My father was regularly and utterly infuriated when a neighbor’s brats went out in their backyard and hollered and carried on as they played. But…he had good reason: he worked the swing shift, and he often truly needed to sleep all afternoon.

But whereas he could (and did!) beat the bejayzuz out of me for waking him up in mid-afternoon, there was nothing he could do to shut up the neighbors’ li’l darlin’s. If there had been a place to live where kids were not allowed, back in the day, he’d have been living there! 😀

What he would have done with me escapes me. Boarding school, prob’ly.

Anyway, he thought he’d died & gone to hevvin when he learned about child-free Sun City. And that is why and how we got to Arizona.

Heh! What an outcome, eh?  I believe my mother thought they would retire down the West Coast, to a small town between L.A. and San Diego.

It was very pretty down there. But he decided it cost too much. (Life cost too much for my father’s taste, come to think of it…) So when they found Del Webb’s Sun City projects, they thought they’d discovered Nirvana.

And I imagine they selected the one in Arizona because Arizona was SO much cheaper to live in than was anyplace in California.

Infuriating…retrospectively speaking. I had figured I would go to UC Berkeley. With that goal in mind, I’d worked my a$$ off in high school, weaseling my way into the National Honor Society and racking up absurd grade-point averages taking 5 solids every semester. Instead, I ended up in Tucson.

Shee-ut! Why would you do that to your kid?

Oh: because you matter so much more than your kid, right?

😀  😀  😀

December in Phoenix…oh my!

Yea, verily! What a place this is come a fine December afternoon!

* Balmy, but not chilly.
* Warm, but not hot.
* Pleasantly active, but not especially busy.
* Goosed by busses roaring by on Main Drag West.
* Graced by kids frolicking in their yards or on the playgrounds.
* Blessed by shop owners and sales staff who are invariably friendly and none too pushy.
* Pretty much free of bums.
* Multicultural with a flair.

Sun City, it ain’t: thank Gawd! 

Seriously: its a beautiful, gracious, multicultural neighborhood on the low end of upscale. A handsome, reasonably safe, fun place to walk from pillar to post.

Walking from pillar (etc.) because my son has stolen my car and locked it up in his garage. And y’know what? I don’t give a damn! 

Turns out I don’t need the car!!! 

No kidding. No exaggeration. Whatever I need is within easy walking distance. Anything further than that can be reached by an inexpensive cab ride…but…but… Ya know what?  So far I haven’t had to call a cab.

Oh, wait: except that one time: to get to the dentist.

But I don’t go to WonderDentist every day or even every day-and-a-half. So…I figure the next time I need to visit him, either I will have figured out that one visit every three or four months costs one helluvalot less than three or four months’ worth of insurance, gasoline, mechanics’ visits and whatnot, or I will have taken up with a dentist who practices here in the ‘Hood.

😀

Today’s stroll-a-thon really has deep-sixed the idea that maybe I should move to Sun City (or Fountain Hills, or deeper into North Central) by way of staying independent in my house, all  by my eccentric li’l self. Incredibly, I can do completely without owning a car here! Wherever I need to go, the hired help can haul me. And…y’know…about 90 percent of the places that I need to go are places that I don’t need to go. Not any distance, anyway.

Seriously: I’m finding that by far most of the things I need to see or buy or do are available right here in the ‘Hood. Within easy walking distance. Yes: a few destinations, an occasional errand would require a taxi ride. But surprisingly few!

****

So what to do about the stolen car? Other than assassination, that is. 😉

Well…hang onto your hat:

One idea that has crossed my mind — and one that sounds better every time it intrudes in that precinct — is to suggest that we sell it. 

I could buy an awful lot of bus rides with the income from a $20,000 car.

Another is simply to give it to M’hijito as a gift. 

{cackle!} Let him keep it up and gas it up and pay the damn taxes on it!! 😀

Oh. That’s not nice, is it???

Well, if he wants it, just (heh!) give it to him. 😉

***

Seriously: as the days drift by, I grow more and more convinced that I really don’t need a car here. Between the Uber drivers and the buses and the trains and my son schlepping around…about 90% of the rides I would produce for myself are, indeed, redundant.

All that is needed to make that a fact is to get into the habit of thinking ahead. Just a few hours, really. Or a few minutes.

Americans spend absurd amounts of money on rolling tanks with which to fill up the garage. We’uns need to stop doing that!

And so…A challenge:

Try it, some one of these days. 

  • Seriously: Park  your car, walk away from it, and leave it there for a full week. And see what happens.
  • Figure that during said week, you spend exactly $0.00 on driving, fueling, parking, and upkeep.
  • How much would you have spent on the car and its fuel and its upkeep, were you driving it around?
  • How much would you have had to pay to park it at your office or wherever you leave it during the day?
  • How much extra exercise did you get, walking from the new parking spot to your office?
  • How long did it take you to figure out how much you really didn’t need to spend on groceries that week?

How much did you save on dinners out that you avoided by eating at home?

And on and freakin’ ON….

Interesting proposition, isn’t it?

Too Silly for Words…

Did I tell you folks this story?  I think not. It concerns a little incident that really WAS too silly for words.

So I’m loafing here at the Funny Farm, watching Wonder-Cleaning Lady work her butt off. While she’s thrashing around, two jerks….uhm…guys show up at the door, followed shortly by my son.

The pair, it develops, are from a grown-up baby-sitting agency whose mission is to ride herd on the elderly. And, when possible, consign them to institutions like the Beatitudes, a kind of ambulatory nursing home for the old and the infirm. Apparently, my son has sent these fine gents, whose mission is to demonstrate that I can’t take care of myself.

😀   😀   😀

Well, so I (stupidly!!) let them in the door, and they take up their position in the living room — little knowing that a high-powered cleaning lady is lurking in the back of the house.

The conversation soon turns to evidence that I can’t take care of myself.

No kidding!

Luz has just cleaned the living room and the kitchen. The place is fukkin’ SPOTLESS. The bookshelves have been dusted, tables dusted, the leather furniture dusted, every piece of litter or dirty dish picked up and thrown away or stashed in the dishwasher…on and on and on.

Really: the conversation just got sillier and sillier and sillier. NOTHING the two clowns could see or say indicated the house was less than ideally clean.

So…they weren’t able to use their little visit to lock me up in an old-folkerie. What it did do was warn me and let me know what was up. So you may be sure: I’ll be a whole lot more careful to pick up the clutter and make the bed each day, between visits from Wonder Cleaning-Lady.

In fact, I may move to Sun City, simply by way of getting out of reach…so little stunts like this can’t be pulled on me again.

The very thought makes me cringe: I hated living in Sun City every minute I had to be out there with my parents. But better your own home in a ghetto for the elderly than a noisy apartment in a prison for the elderly.

Can you imagine?

Dog as Everywhere Everywhen Companion

Good grief!!!  Did you realize that…my goodness!  You don’t need to have official, doctor-certified proof that your dog is a service dog to acquire a “service dog” vest that will let you take the critter just about anyplace you can go?

Check this out:  Service Dog Info

Really, all you need is a service dog vest, which you can order from Amazon.

And if some clown demands to see proof the dog is a certified “service dog”? Well:  You raise your hackles and you get huffy as hell and you tell him to take a flying f*** at the moon.

The likelihood that anyone will bother you is fairly low. But knowing humanity, don’t you just KNOW someone will pestiferize you? So be prepared with a high-handed reply. Practice it at home, even.

Betcha you could get away with it 99% of the time.

😀

Seriously (almost)… If I could take Ruby with me, right this minute I’d get off my duff and hike over to the Albertson’s or the Sprouts, dawg in tow. Dawg would be delighted. I’d get a bottle of beer or a package of junk food. And I wouldn’t feel even the slightest bit guilty over galloping off and leaving the dawg behind at the house.

And…whaaa? UNdone for????

WTF?????  After this morning’s whiney whinge, now — come 3:34 in the afternoon — suddenly I’m a whole new person!!! 

Why?????  What on earth would cause a gigantic slug of misery to suddenly evaporate? To be replaced by a calm, almost complacent mood tending (even!) toward the cheerful?????

Seriously: I cannot imagine.

This morning I was truly miserable. Now: back to normal; indeed, even fairly cheerful.  Why?????

Well….I can’t imagine. Unless it was a nice sunny day and a long walk down Conduit of Blight Blvd and through the neighboring shopping centers.

Ruby and I hiked all over the ‘Hood, through three neighboring shopping centers and all around a part of the tract where SDXB and I used to walk almost every day, back when he lived here.

He has moved to Sun City, and so is long gone. Me: I wouldn’t go back there if ya paid me.

But he likes that kind of fustian fuddy-duddery, so he’s very happy there. He and New Girlfriend seem to be doing well enough, though it sounds like he’s pretty damn sick. With my mother (oh, lemme tellya horror show!!), we found the medical care in Sun City was even more substandard than you get in the typical American living space. Just. Gawd. Awful.

Would she have died if she’d had decent care?

Well, yes.

But she sure as Hell wouldn’t have suffered the way she did. And that little Life Passage is one of several reasons you couldn’t get me back in Sun City: not on a bet.

At any rate: free of that place, Ruby and I put some serious mileage under our paws and had a lovely time hiking around the ‘Hood and through the neighboring shopping centers.

What exactly I’m gonna do to get through the upcoming end-of-life years, I dunno. Have to confess that I haven’t the faintest idea.

Seriously: over the next few months and year or so, I do need to make some plans. Maybe confer with M’Hijito about what he wants me to do … yeah, I know: check my idiot self into the Beatitudes, a venerable old-folkerie.

Thanks. I’d rather take a flying leap off the North Rim…  So we do need to confer and think carefully about how to deal with the upcoming (potentially hideous) years. But just now…I get to enjoy life for a few weeks or months!