Coffee heat rising

Beautiful mornings, hot days, hot stuff comin’ up

October is…what? a day and a half away and lovely uptown Phoenix is still enjoying triple-digit temps. That’s OK, though: it means the pool is still warm enough to swim in.

And still growing its favorite crop: algae. 😀

This is the time of year when I like to get out and do some gardening. Fall is Arizona’s springtime. But I’ve been too busy to mess with it, plus by the time my act is together in the morning, it’s too hot out here to accomplish much without risking a heat stroke. I did finally get around to extirpating the garden in front the one I tried to carve out of the desert landscaping. That came under the heading of “ridiculous mistake.” Or possibly you could file it under “forlorn hopes.” Nothing would grow there in spite of irrigation nozzles right on the plants. So it looks a little better out there.

I dragged off pots whose plants had died. I’d like to use them for some mâche and some red chard and another rosemary plant (the old one died of old age or hyperthermia over the summer). But again: too lazy, too preoccupied to function.

And in the preoccupation department: October is THE MONTH! Starting next week, we launch our new enterprise, Camptown Races Press, with a flourish. I’ve posted an announcement — rather too unprepossessing, IMHO — on the Press’s homepage and today must get the Ladies to chattering about it. Speaking of the whom, they’re up to 381 Twitter followers this morning.

My goal was 400 by the end of the weekend, but again…too preoccupied to fiddle with that.

I now have all but two of October’s eight completed books ready to snare ISBNs and post on Amazon. Most of the cover images are done.

We’re told that you should hire someone to do your cover images because, unless have an MFA in graphic design or some such, you’re such an amateur that your covers will look horrible.

I’m not so sure about that. Out there, you’ll hear quiet murmurs to the contrary: just yesterday I read a site where a micropublisher remarked that no credible research has been done to prove that assertion. And elsewhere, I’ve read that where p0rn is concerned, the cover is not what readers are after. One p0rn0grapher remarked that it scarcely matters what you put on the cover, and another observed that these things market themselves.

Heh. Well, we shall see.

I’ve learned that you can use PowerPoint to generate hi-res TIFFs and JPEGS, which work handsomely for Amazon’s purposes. There’s a trick to it: Save as .pptx; save as .pdf at 300 dps; convert to .tif; crop and size; save back down to .tif at 300 dps; convert to .jpg. The result is a high-resolution image in any size you please.

And you know, I’ve worked with print magazine production for a lot of years. True, I was on the editorial side, but we worked closely with the art department. As a result, I do know something about cover composition and cover lines. Let’s see if we can get WordPress to upload the latest draft effort… It still needs some work, especially with the fonts, but it’s getting there. You’ll have to click on the image to see its full glory:

cabinFevercoverLORESEven at this stage, I don’t think it looks even half terrible. Does it layer images? No. But I have  learned how to layer images and text in PowerPoint. And how to adjust levels of transparency (the lines around the font above are at about 52% transparency). It’s actually quite easy. As a matter of fact, yesterday I came up with this, by layering images:

Craig's List JanetLOWRESHeeee! Have you ever seen anything so strange in your life? The male character — who’s a genie come to answer the female protagonist’s unspoken prayers — is described as having a tattoo of an Aladdin’s lamp on his spectacular bicep.

Lo! What should I find but the very lamp itself, and smokin’ (a lot like our guy…). With a little fiddling around, we have the author’s name seeming to smoke up out of the Aladdin’s lamp.

Yes. Your Wish Is Granted!

Speaking of the which, I must fly. In an hour I have a teleconference with a book marketing agent. Then a mountain more work to do (including perfecting the Cabin Fever cover). Then Quickbooks to…uhm, quicken.

Tomorrow: another SBA seminar: Social media shortcuts.

Wednesday: an interview with a potential new editing client who may also be interested in writing for us. One more writer will do the trick, if I can find someone who can churn this stuff out the way some of the present team can do. Job description: Sense of humor required. 😀

Thursday I’m meeting with a social media expert who’s already taught me a lot of stuff (if only I could figure out how to find time to do the things she recommends).

And so…up, up, and AWAY!

 

Woo HOO! Celebrate Great Fire-Rider Reviews with PRICE CUT!

Hot diggety. I’ve been afraid to read the reviews for Fire-Rider, because the cookbook got royally panned over its screwed-up formatting (which I was unable to see in Amazon’s ballyhooed online quickie Kindle viewer!) and I really didn’t feel up for much more self-inflicted depression.

But mirabilis! Books I and II — A Gift for the Kubna and The Spoils of War — have received very nice reviews! Thanks for that, if they came from any of our doughty readers.

To celebrate, I’m cutting the price 66 percent, from $2.99 to $.99 — yes, ninety-nine cents!! — for the series’ first three books: Gift, Spoils, and The Journey Begins.

MIKEY LIKES IT!

So, hurry on over to Amazon and grab those cheap copies while the grabbin’s good.

😀

Social Media U

So today I’m going to a class on “Leveraging LinkedIn.” There’s something that’s escaped me for quite some time…like, “since I first signed up for LinkedIn.”

And Friday it’s off to another class, “Social Media Time Savers.” That, I can use!

Monday: a telecon with a local book marketer who has a pretty good reputation. Someone to take over or at least spearhead the marketing venture is much needed. But I’m afraid I won’t be able to afford her services: money is tight, everybody has a hand out, and so far not much is coming in from the FireRider opus.

However, I didn’t expect much to come in. It takes time to build readership, and really, the erotica is infinitely more salable.

Learning the intricacies of social media marketing is extremely difficult. I still haven’t figured out how to insure that a FaceBook page created for Camptown Races Press will not slop racy content over onto the page that includes a raft of my coreligionists.

I suppose I could just save a list of present FB subscribers who will not be offended by erotica and who are not part of the church’s community, then close or cancel the current Facebook page, and then create a new page, so two potentially overlapping pages don’t exist. Then re-“friend” the likeliest suspects.

Like…I don’t have enough time-suck in my life already?????????

I think a post that went up on the “secret” FB group I created for my writing team may have somehow posted itself on my regular FB page. But I can’t tell. Apparently what you see in your “timeline” or “news feed” or whatever-T-F is NOT what you actually are getting. Is there a difference between a “timeline” and a “news feed”? What is it? Why? Why should there be a difference? And why why why does FB have to be so bloody convoluted?

LinkedIn, I can tolerate. Twitter, I’m getting used to. But Facebook? I truly hate it.

At any rate, The Girls (@RacyLadies  follow them now!!) continue to make headway on Twitter. The idea of rarely planting sales pitches there but instead publishing various pleasing kitsch seems to be working. Our Racy Ladies attract about ten new followers a day. Now all I need is about five similarly successful ideas…

This is getting retweeted through the wazoo as we scribble:

The Girls @RacyLadies
How to escape the political hoo-ha: Sit back and relax with a good book of erotica. 🙂

Stephanie&BonnePreview

Not bad for an amateur job, eh? The image is a public-domain painting by Jules Scalbert, who did a number of very lovely nudes.

Last I looked, it had been retweeted six times in less than an hour. I may put it up again later on this week.

Stephanie and Bonnie is still under construction, I’m afraid. Between riding herd on the work that needs to be done to get this enterprise under way and undoing my own screw-ups (of which there are a-plenty), I haven’t had many minutes to do my own writing.

However, we have ten books almost ready to go. I need to format them, and will start doing that around this noon’s foray to south Phoenix and “publishing” the remaining three Fire-Rider serials at Amazon.

A-n-n-d it’s after 8:30. Other than building and posting the Scalbertized ad, posting a couple of new unillustrated tweets, retweeting a few, wrestling with the e-mail, walking the dogs, and feeding myself, I’ve gotten nothing done so far this morning.

So, to work…

 

The Incredible Handiness of a Spare Driver’s License…

My new driver’s license just came in the mail.

In Arizona, you can ask for (and get) a spare driver’s license by going online and filling out a little form. Very handy! They don’t want to give you an extra when you go in for a new license, but they’ll send you one after the fact.

Right away, it goes into the car: an ash tray is the perfect stash.

I really dislike lugging a purse around. Often I don’t — visiting a friend, going to choir practice, whatever: why haul the kitchen sink with you?

So I don’t. O’course, that means every time I go someplace where I don’t have to buy something, I put myself at risk of arrest. All it would take is a fender-bender for the cops to haul me off.

Why not carry the plastic license around in a pocket? Two reasons:

a) Women’s clothes often have no pickets; and
b) I can’t remember my name, much less where I last put something. Does anyone seriously expect me not to lose a driver’s license doing that?

True, hiding it in the car also poses a degree of risk: whoever steals my car gets my driver’s license, too. But phbthhphtbbttt! He who steals my car or my driver’s license steals junk.

Typically, if I need to go to a store after, say, church or choir practice, I’ll hide the purse under some junk and leave it in the car. One nice thing about a van with smoked windows is that it has a lot of places people can’t see from the outside. So it’s six o’ one, half-a-dozen of the ′tother. Actually, more than half-a-dozen. If they steal the car and get my purse, they also get three credit cards, a debit card, a Medicare card, two insurance cards, and a phone.

It’s a lot easier to replace one driver’s card than all that trash.

****

In other news, Amazon has posted Fire-Rider 15: The Weaver. Click on the link to the right to access that.

These stories really, really need some reviews. I think I’ll drop the price on the first half-dozen of them to 99 cents, by way of making them a little more tempting. How’s about picking up a couple and scribbling a few lines about the things?

Possibly of more entertaining interest, our Racy Books will start going online the first part of October. I have three more Fire-Rider installments to get off my desk, and then we’ll start publishing about 10 erotic frolics each month.

At least, that’s our goal. Four authors have joined me in this endeavor. We’ll be publishing the things under a single pseudonym: Roberta Stuart. Partly to build name recognition — if all four of us were scribbling under different names, we couldn’t get as many books out under any of our names, and partly (of course) to maintain a veil of privacy. Some of us have employers who might frown at a side gig that entailed writing racy novelettes, and some would  just as soon not have our mothers or our pastors find out what we’re up to.

Watch this space!

Roberta Stuart is a university professor who has a secret life. When she’s not in a classroom, a library, or a faculty meeting, she’s “a member of the country club.” And she’s got friends in low places—lots of them.
Roberta Stuart is a university professor who has a secret life. When she’s not in a classroom, a library, or a faculty meeting, she’s “a member of the country club.” And she’s got friends in low places—lots of them.

 

Marketing: Maybe it’s working

Well, my friends, today our naughty girls surpassed 300 followers on Twitter! And they’ve been live there for less than a month. Aunt Tilly is so pleased she’s giving the girls a gala shopping trip at Nordstrom’s.

People have retweeted ads for the Fire-Rider books. And we appear to have proven the theory that the highest and best marketing use of Twitter is NOT to advertise your books but to entertain. While Twitterers (??surely not “Twits”?) have turned up their collective nose at self-serving tweets, they merrily retweet and “favorite” pictures, bons mots, retweets of fun stuff, and links to fun stuff.

They really liked this, for example:

muse
As usual, click on the image for a bigger & better view!

Betcha can’t guess what that’s from…

The “quote” is part of a comment I wrote on a student paper. And I’m sure you’ll remember the public-domain image of the Muse on an ancient Greek vase, since it was ripped off from Wikipedia and posted here a few days ago.

They loved it. And it went over pretty well on Facebook, too.

Moving on, I’ve established a Facebook group for my band of doughty writers. Trouble is, at least a couple of them don’t do Facebook. So we’ll probably still have to communicate by cc’ed email. But it’s kinda kewl to think we have a Group. It’s set up as a “secret” group — meaning only Big Brother can watch us — because a couple of our authors work in professions where letting it be known that they amuse themselves by writing randy fiction could be counterproductive.

In the next couple of days, I’ll set up a Facebook “page” for the girls themselves, thereinat to pitch our wares as they come online. We should be ready to start publishing the p0rn beginning in the first week of October.

We already have a very fun (read “randy”) Hallowe’en story, and the same author has got up to writing a second Hallowe’en piece. Another of our team has a series that can lead up to Thanksgiving (yes…about FAMILY, what else? Don’t you love those family Thanksgivings?). And a third has written a fairly hefty novelette fit for the Christmas season.

By the way, the Girls still don’t have their names, poor babes. One person has posted a suggestion, but one contestant does  not a contest make. Would you go on over to Writers Plain and Simple and add your ideas in the comments to this post? Or if you’d prefer to visit Aunt Tilly and the Girls themselves, the Camptown Ladies name-the-girls post is here. Aunt Tilly will not allow them to use their real names (Chastity and Patience) because she doesn’t think it’s appropriate for nice girls to flaunt themselves in public. As it were.

All I wanna do is WRITE!

Damned if I’m not digitized out. The digital stuff is freaking consuming my life! I start at 5:30 in the morning and work through until 8 or 9 p.m. And what do I accomplish?

Unclear.

Whatever it is, I ain’t gettin’ rich on it.

Actually, I think the truly huge digital hassle factor may be coming to an end. I now have all eighteen Fire-Rider stories ensconced on Amazon, where they can be published with a single click, according to schedule. Two of them just went online as we scribble:

Book 12: Our Harried Heroes Struggle through the Mountains

Book 13: Wahoo!! The Trade and Flesh Capital of Our Heroes’ Known World

In the UNHOLY Time-Suck Department, yesterday I finally acquired 18 high-resolution versions of what I thought were supposed to be the cover images but what were actually 72-dps images, fine for thumbnails but trash for covers. These I uploaded to Google Drive, since DropBox doesn’t provide enough storage space to hold them all plus all the other stuff loaded up there by me, my sidekicks, and our clients.

Trotted over to Amazon and re-uploaded the 300-dps images for all 13 books now online there: not as deadly tedious as one would think, but still a time-suck. An unnecessary time-suck, which made it mighty galling.

Then I went through ALL EIGHTEEN DAMN BOOKS, averaging around 11,000 words apiece (some are much longer), and revamped them to fit the tastes of Smashwords — at least, as far as you can tell from what passes for Smashwords’ brain-bangingly verbose user manual. This entailed getting rid of all links to Amazon (of which there are up to 20 in each document) and making a number of other changes. Time-consuming and tedious beyond your wildest dreams!

And I assigned ISBNs to all the remaining .mobi versions, and then to about a dozen ePub versions. If you think manually deleting dozens and dozens of links (Word 2008 for Mac will not do a batch link deletion!) is time-consuming and tedious, you ain’t seen nuthin‘ until you fart with an ISBN form.

And of course, Bowker’s software developed some kind of a glitch, in which it decided I was trying to sell to the U.K., not the U.S. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth — all in slow motion, of course — with Bowker’s tech people helped this problem only marginally. I would end up having to crash out of the form, sign out of the site, sign back in, and re-open the form. Of course, all the data I’d entered would be gone, so I’d have to re-enter all the form’s ditz and pray it would let me “Submit.”

However, all this stuff is now done. I also realized that I could adjust the size of the 72 DPI images to widget size in Preview rather than in WordPress. This relieves me from having to jump through that hoop three times for three websites. And Twitter. Building the widgets will still be a time-suck, but a slightly less lengthy & tedious time-suck. Assuming, of course, that this works. Which we’re about to find out…

right…

…NOW

 Yes. Yes, yes, YES!!!!!!!

It works!!!!!!! Check out those fine little widgets! → → → →

Now lookee here, dear readers: Your Beloved Funny NEEDS you to trot on over to Amazon, download one of these, and post a review!

If you would like to review one or more of the Fire-Rider stories, let me know (in the comments, below ) and I’ll send you a .mobi or a PDF (soon, I hope, we’ll have ePub files, too).

I also have a draft of the first boxed set, which I can send to you in .mobi or PDF. This will contain six of the serials, which are averaging around 11,000 words apiece. So a boxed set is about the length of a typical full-length genre novel.

Reviews are trending positive so far. So it’s possible that my elevated opinion of this book — that it’s surprisingly good and a fun read — is not a delusion.

And no, these are not the proposed p0rn, which won’t start going online until the first week of October. There’s virtually no sex in the saga, which is a Joseph Campbellesque journey tale. (Think Star Wars, only without the spaceships.)

At any rate, I’m hoping that once all of these are online at Amazon and through Smashwords, things will settle down so I can get back to my own writing projects. Ideally, I’d like to be able to write for three days in a row, followed by one day devoted to the digital stuff.

And so, to work…

↓ ↓ ↓ Get your review copy here!  ↓ ↓ ↓