Coffee heat rising

Off the Wall Since the Fourth of July

LOL! Actually, the issue is ON the wall: the great mounds of cat’s-claw vines that have piled up all over my backyard wall. The one that runs along the alley. The alley where the Brats and the Nitwits are blasting off their bang-bangs…and will be, for hours to come.

A few years ago, the State of Arizona and the City of Phoenix decided to legalize fireworks. It bein’ an ethnic thing, after all. And a patriotic thing. Is that “ethno-patriotic”? 😀

Fireworks manufacturers have descended on the city and now sell bangers and crashers from every corner parking lot in the city. Result: BANG BAM BAM BANG POW BAM BAM POW KEEEEEEBLAST BANG POP POP POP BANG BAMMMM BANG BLAST POP BANG WHACK BLAST…half the night. It’s 9:00 now. The antics have been going on a good two hours. With no end in sight.

The back wall along my lot line, running up the alley, is festooned with thick, heavy cat’s claw vines. They’ve formed a kind of carpet over the thing. Piled up on year after year of past, now dried-out growth…

A highly flammable carpet.

Stupidly, I didn’t think about the likelihood that ninnies would be out in that alley setting off their toys. And other ninnies would be driving by and riding their bikes by to throw their bang-bangs into the alley. So…that creates quite a fire risk.

If my brain had been in gear this afternoon, I would’ve dragged the hose out there and saturated those damn vines. But — lacking a noticeable IQ these days — naturally I didn’t even think of it.

Very.

Very.

Stupid…

Age seems to bring stupidity in the door with it.

So now I’ll have to wait till the middle of the night before I dast to go to sleep. Wait until the morons have exhausted all their toys. Wait until they’ve gone off to drink or smoke themselves into a stupor.

Hmmmmmm….. I wonder….

If some A$$-hole sets fire to the vines out there — which will soon jump to the roof and consume the house — could I sue our honored state, county, and city fathers for legalizing a clear and present fire hazard?

Random ruminations…

Chilly, windy day: morning breezes have blown away most of the cloud cover. In an hour, I have to be at the physical therapist’s, meaning I have to leave in 45 minutes. Nothing from my son as to whether he’s picking me up or when. But this poses no problem for the appointment, because the spavined shoulder is healing MUCH faster than I imagined possible, and I certainly can drive my car the couple of miles to get to the PT’s office/clinic/gym/whatever-you-call-it.

I can think of about a thousand things I’d rather do than spend another hour going hup-hup-up, flapping my arms around. WHAT a bore! However….gotta admit that just one session seems to have made a huge difference. The joint hardly hurts at all, and I can move the arm in just about any direction without a startling stab of pain.

Meanwhile, there’s a Safeway catty-corner across the street from the PT’s joint. Some groceries are in order…so whenever I get free from the “therapy” or whatever it is, I can dodge over there and refill the fridge. That’s assuming my son doesn’t show up to haul me over there.

If he does, he’ll need to get back to work ASAP: this business of his taking 90 minutes or two hours off to ferry me around in the middle of the afternoon is NOT satisfactory.

*****
Wasting way too much time reminiscing
about old times and daydreaming about childhood friends.

Few of those were in evidence, back in the Bad Old Days of Saudi Arabian exile. I was a weird little kid: instead of craving to grow up to be a pretty little wife and mommy, instead of spending my endless hours pretending to cook meals on a play stove, I craved to become an astrophysicist.

No kidding. That’s what I wanted, back in the days when girls could  barely get into a public college, to say nothing of majoring in science. HAR HAR!  I had no idea I would not be allowed to pursue a career in astronomy or physics…I imagined I would grow up, escape the horrid confines of Saudi Arabia, get in to Cal Berkeley (where other members of my family went…members of the male persuasion, by and large), and major in astronomy.

Heeeeee!
Dream on, girlie!

Anyway, because I was too stupid to keep my mouth shut about this line of thought, my little colleagues in school saw me as a hilarious butt of teasing and tormenting. By the sixth grade, I hated school so violently I would dream up just about any excuse to stay home. Consequently, my mother thought of me as sickly…she fell for every tale I’d tell her.

One of her best friends out there, though, was a nurse. This woman was no fool.

Somehow she figured out what was going on, and she recognized that I was just…flat…MISERABLE living in that horrid place. What she did — one of the biggest favors anyone ever did for me during my entire lifetime — was to tell my mother that I needed to come back to the United States and be enrolled in a decent school here. She convinced my mother that the two of them needed to dream up a tale to faze past my father, something that would persuade him to send my mother and me back to the U.S. well before it was time for him to retire and come back to the States.

Don’t know what they did or how they did it, but…they DID do it. I’d already been taken out of the nasty grade school, thereby escaping the second-stupidist  primary-school teacher of my life (the stupidest one surfaced in the fourth grade). Now instead of having me tutored privately, my mother managed to get my father to send us home to San Francisco.

There, she enrolled me (by luck and by God, as far as I can tell) in a wonderful school that was part of San Francisco State University’s College of Education.

  • The teachers did not treat me like sh!t.
  • Indeed, most of the teachers appeared to have inherited their fair share of IQ points.
  • The kids did not know I was the weird little kid. They treated me like one of their own.
  • Because I had nothing to do in Arabia but study and read, I was far, far, far ahead of my grade level. The sixth-grade teacher they dropped me on must have been astonished.
  • And I even made a couple of actual friends, if you can imagine.

****

Back from the Magical Mystical Physical Therapist!

That guy really is good at what he does. As in amazingly good. After an hour of hopping around at that place, the arm hardly hurts at all, and it moves almost as well as it did before I busted it. He listened to what I said MayoDoc said and issued some advice about what to ask and who else to talk with.

At any rate, I gathered we can expect the complete healing process to take about six weeks.

From there it was over to AJs, where as usual I failed to buy all the things we need. Tomorrow I’ll have to traipse back down there.

But…f’r sure…NOT today!

 

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Seven in the frikkin’ morning. Gotta be outta here in less than an hour, on the road through wicked rush-hour traffic, headed for the dentist. Big lump on a gum. Cancer???? The way things have been going, I sure won’t be surprised.

So, soooooo tired! I’ve been up since two a.m.: never did get back to sleep.  All I wanna do is crawl back in bed and be miserable in peace. Instead, I’ve gotta put my life on the line to traipse to the dentist.

Gotta marshal some strength to fight back. I’m totally under siege here, between the busted arm and my son’s concern.

I forget things. This is not surprising, at the age of 78. But M’jito is all worried: he thinks I’m getting senile. From what I can tell, as you round on your 80th year, you forget stuff…and that is normal. It’s easy enough to compensate with a notebook and a spreadsheet.

***

Ohhhh…kayyyy…  Now I’m dressed…after a (non) fashion. The busted arm: still in a sling, still hurts. Almost all my shirts are pullovers — and o’course I can’t get one of those over my head, not in this condition. I have some three shirts that button up the front. And they’re not exactly gorgeous with a Velcro strap slung over my shoulder. In another 10 minutes, it’s off to the dentist to find out (I hope) what the lump on my gum is. It popped up a few days ago. From what I can tell in the Hypochondriac’s Treasure Chest, it’s unlikely to be cancer. Just hope it can be left to go away (or not) on its own. I’ve had enough with the slicing and dicing!

*******

And speaking of senility…

I get all the way over to 16th and Maryland — through cut-throat rush-hour traffic — go to turn in to the garden office complex’s parking lot…and…and…and I can’t find it!!!!!

WTF!?!?!????

It’s my regular dentist’s place…why isn’t it here?

Drove all around over there and STILL couldn’t find it!

Schlepped home through the hideous rush-hour traffic. On the way I stopped at the orthodontist’s…any chance that I mistook, in my senility, the place where I was supposed to go?

Nope.

So I missed an important appointment, put my life on the line to do it by venturing out in Lovely Phoenix’s homicidal rush-hour traffic, got myself all worked up, missed taking Ruby for her beloved doggy-walk..all for NOTHING.

*****

Something is to be said about living in a given city for several decades: You get very skilled at navigating rush-hour traffic.

One comes to know all the most-traveled and least-traveled routes. All the impossible traffic signals to avoid. And the most discreet parking lots to cut through to avoid a traffic jam…without attracting acop’s attention (it’s agin’ the law to do that).

***

10 a.m.

Yep. Just ten o’clock and it’s already  been an awful morning.

I should take the little dog for a walk. Really, despite the personal awfulness, it’s a beautiful morning. The rain has cooled things down. The before-work dog walkers have done their duty and cleared off the sidewalks.

So yeah…this is the time.

On the other hand…will venturing out just make things worse for the Walking Wounded? Maybe I should think twice.

On the other other hand…I’m in no shape to think at all..much less to do it twice.

Busted, Disgusted, and….

…and at least clean now!

Managed to get in the shower all by myself this afternoon…AND washed my hair. It’s a miracle!

I can’t believe it’s been SIXTEEN DAYS since I did this to myself! Feels like it happened just a day or two ago. 😮

But… Well, but it is beginning to feel noticeably better. Far from functional, but a fair amount less painful.With any luck, in another two or three weeks I can get out of the accursed sling.

{chortle!}  Take another look at this thing:

Is that or is that not the business? I never have gotten around to schlepping to PetSmart and waypoints in search of one for sale locally. Though I can drive one-handed, it doesn’t seem well-advised. So if I’m going to get any such thing, it’ll have to come from Amazon.

Ruby the Corgi is too small to get on the Queen’s bed by herself. I’m too crippled to lift her up, and apparently will be for several more weeks. So the poor miserable beast has been spending the nights on the floor, in her favorite nest under the toilet, or on a big ole’ doggy-cushion next to my bed. And Hevvin only knows how long it’ll be before I can lift her up on the throne again.

The thing looks like it’ll take up an awful lot of space — and won’t Wonder Cleaning-Lady be pleased to find THAT contraption lurking in her way! 😀

ooohhh well…

***

 

 

 

 

…a-a-a-n-d… The lingering aftermath

Believe it or not, the Wounded Dragon-Lady is actually up moving around!

Believe it or not, the old bat is stumbling around the cave and even over the badlands of the backyard. It’s a spectacularly beautiful morning, and here we are loafing away the balmy morning on the lovely little side porch in the shade of the huge trees on the west side if the Funny Farm.

Come to think of it, though, hold the metaphorical phone….

**** Much later ****

Another not-very metaphorical Day from Hell. Pain followed by frustration followed by pain followed by…so on to infinity. Felt better for a couple hours this morning, but it didn’t last.

Things could be worse, though. One could still be dwelling in Saudi Arabia, on the shore of the Persian Gulf. The Middle East: what a horror show.

My son just showed up. Wandered off to the living room to unwind from a day of work. Me, I’m too sick to get out of bed. or to be anything like decent company.

****

Mijito’ showing up after work is awfully nice. I’m in no shape to entertain him, being sick as a dawg just now. Think the aspirin I’ve been gulping for the shoulder pain is not agreeing.

*****

Sunday

But now another night and half a day have passed. This a.m the pain was much diminished — why, I do not know.

And just now? Crippled again!

Ugh!! Goin’ back to bed…

 

 

Stop the World!

…I wanna get off!

Dammit, it’s not even 6:30 in the accursed morning and I wanna get off the world. WHAT. A. DAY!

Already…

Ruby has demanded to get up twice in the wee hours of an already insomniac night. This shouldn’t matter, because I was already awake both times…but wishing I could please please PUHLEEZE, dear Gawd, get back to sleep.

Something is making Ruby’s stomach growl. Hunger? She was fed last night. I think. Did I forget to feed her? Since I can’t even remember my name these days, that’s not outside the realm of possibility.

So she just comes in from this latest excursion and we stumble back to the bedroom, where we hear, coming from the sidewalk outside the east wall… thumpada thumpada thumpada THUMPADA

What the fuck IS that?

It’s not a kid, not at this hour. No car is out there. Bicycles don’t thump. So…what?

Probably a coyote.

And that’s why Ruby can’t be left alone in the backyard to do her thing — certainly not at this hour, and more generally, not at any hour. Coyotes around here will come right over a six-foot wall to grab your cat or your dog.

It’s not the first time I’ve heard that noise. In the past I’ve thought it was some idiot on a bicycle, maybe hauling a kiddie cart, somehow thumping on the sidewalk. Anything’s possible, I suppose…but it doesn’t sound like bicycle wheels. It sounds like something four-legged, running along at a fast clip. Whatever it is, it’s gone by the time I get outside.

Shee-ut. Speaking of random noises in the wee hours, here comes a cop helicopter. Or…maybe a traffic-yakking copter — it’s quarter to seven, approaching High Rush Hour.

Quarter to seven means I’ve been awake half the night. Ruby’s stomach is still growling and squealing. I do KNOW that I fed her last night. So what the heck brought that on?

{moan} Gotta get up, feed the dog, and start stumbling around…