Coffee heat rising

Soggy Doggy Day

Musical Instrument in the Sound of Freedom Band

Seven ayem: 90 degrees in the shade of the back porch. Overcast. Humidity: 34%.

UGH!  Feels just like (un)lovely Saudi Arabia.

This kind of weather, right on the shore of the Persian Gulf, was typical summer weather. It rarely got as hot as Arizona does, but on the other hand. Arizona rarely gets as humid as Ras Tanura did.

Rasty Nasty, as my father called it. Aptly…

Just back from the mile-long perambulation around the park. Not too bad, thanks to the Rasty Nasty weather: relatively small Dog Parade. Most people who have any sense refrain from walking their dogs (and themselves) through this stuff.

Didn’t count…but I’d guess we passed about eight or ten dogs, all of them surprisingly well mannered. No lunge-fests. No attempted fights. So that was OK.

Thinking about my mother, as we strolled about. My. but she loved Arizona!  She even loved the roar of fighter jets training at nearby Luke Air Force Base.

My father loved Sun City: NO KIDS!!!!

LOL! He really disliked kids, especially those under about 15. How she persuaded him to let her have one escapes me.

But he loved her. He adored her. She was the center of his universe — seriously. And if she wanted a kid, she could have one.

Fortunately for him, because of her childhood malnutrition she couldn’t hold a pregnancy. I came along after half-a-dozen miscarriages. And I guess once she’d managed to go through one entire nine-month pregnancy, she figured enough was enough.

She spent TEN YEARS in Saudi Arabia, in monstrously uglier weather than we have here. She thought Arizona weather was balmy.

No kidding.

Heh! Most of the time it is, actually. This kind of humidity is rare in Arizona. .

Boyoboy, am I glad we’re not out there in Araby now, with the Arabs and the Israelis having at it full-bore. The Arabs, who identified us whiteys with the Jews, just hated Americans — they tolerated us because our thirst for oil was making their royal family very rich, indeed. But most of them would kill the average Aramco employee in the street, if they dared.

And with that conflict going on, they’d be a lot more likely to “dare” than normal.

All that notwithstanding: this balmy day is the type that makes me long for San Francisco.

When my mother’s upstate New York grandmother died of diabetes, the bereft widower shipped the kid off to the California Bay Area, whence her trampy mother had come. She was taken in by her West-Coast grandmother, a lovely old gal who was smart, hard-working, and incredibly unlucky to have given birth to a daughter who had some sort of mental or sexual disorder that turned her into a nymphomaniac. Said daughter went on about her trampy business, and my mother was cared for by her truly wonderful grandmother and her widowed aunt.

In a lucky break for my mother, her mother’s astonishing sexual adventures led to an astonishing case of uterine cancer — so we’re told. She died — so we’re told — when my mother was in her mid-teens, and my mother was left in Berkeley to be raised by said grandmother and aunt.

Truth to tell… I’ve found convincing evidence that her mother — my grandmother — did NOT die at that time. Apparently she put on a melodramatic show, the purpose of which was to convince the unwanted daughter that she had passed on to another plane…when in fact, the plane she passed onto was high society in San Francisco. She married an influential businessman in the City and apparently, like all the other women in the family who refrained from digging their own grave with a cigarette butt, survived well into old age.

Oh well.

My mother loved to pile up the day’s first mound of cigarette butts sitting on that back porch in her beloved Sun City house, listening to fighter jets roar in and out of Luke Air Force Base. Yes: incredibly, she liked the sound of F-16s.

Those things are SO LOUD we can hear them here in the ‘Hood, over 20 miles away.

And apparently sound carries better through humid air. On a day like today — damp, overcast, and hot — those planes sound like they’re just down the road.

Which, I suppose, they are…in relative terms. Soggy terms.

Cruisin’ and Musin’…

Cruisin’: yes. Cruising through classic North Central neighborhoods, eyeballing the real estate: the big old classic ranchers on their half-acre+ lots, admiring how handsome they are and remembering what it was like to live in Phoenix’s version of Upper Richistan…

Musin’: ohhh yeah! Thinking about how I just did NOT fit in with Phoenix’s upper middle-class strata. How after all the time we lived on East Hayward, a block off the famous and ritzy North Central, I’d made one (count her: 1) friend, a woman who’d come from the same direly deprived middle-class social strata as I had. Remembering how much I loathed the snobs who lived in that neighborhood, and how much they seemed to disdain me.

As handsome as those big old 1950s ranch houses are, how beautiful their emerald-green irrigated lawns, I would never want to go back there to live.

Still…it was entertaining to wander through the old neighborhood, eyeballing those big old houses (and thinking “thank God I’ll never have to clean that thing, or get someone else to clean it!”). The places were, after all, handsome 1950s and ‘6os mini-mansions in the “ranch house” mode: sprawling one-story affairs, each in the middle of a vast yard. Any way you look at it, 3000+ square feet is a lot of real estate to keep clean, whether you push that vacuum cleaner yourself or whether you supervise someone else at the job.

Living in North Central wrecked our marriage. Though I was already a bit bored with married life by the time we moved there, I surely wasn’t ready to fly the coop. A couple years of being made to feel like Poor White Trash, though, did indeed push me over the border…into the Never-Never Land of Singletude.

It’s surely fun to drive around and look at real estate, though. Lately, I’ve been thinking more of going back and getting a Realtor’s license — as my mother did. But instead of trying to sell houses, as she attempted, my thought would be to write about real estate.

Even without a license, back in my Young Journalist days I was able to get a passel of assignments to write about the subject, mostly for the local city magazine and a local business journal. An old crony of mine was editor of a national real estate magazine, and he would give me assignments, too.

I think that rag is justly out of business — and he has retired. But there are other real estate rags. And if you’re not trying to make a living from journalistic writing, it doesn’t really matter much where you publish. What matters is wringing interesting assignments out of the editors. Take a look at these, for example. It’s not a bad market. Looks like there’s plenty of room to pick up fun and interesting projects. And being able to claim a license would make that pretty easy.

***

Time having passed…

Cruising the real estate ads, ogling houses in Tucson. That town has its own distinctive character…I could live there happily, if only my son weren’t way up here.

My best friend and her husband bought a house down there, after he got a job with VisionQuest, a nonprofit that wrangled junior delinquents. The architecture and interior design of Tucson real estate is distinctive…and it’s something I do rather like. If I’m to retire and leave lovely Phoenix — i.e., L.A. East — that would be one place I’d consider.

But the evening grows late. I tire. More real estate dreamin’ (or something!) tomorrow….

Retiring to the Life of Riley?

Gettin’ old…gettin’ old. 

My son is beginning to fret, far more vocally than before, about my staying here alone in my middle-class four-bedroom house. Quite reasonable is his fear that I’ll trip (AGAIN!) and fall (AGAIN!!), but this time inflict some much more serious harm (breaking a shoulder was quite enough…) or even kill myself.

So he’s begun lobbying for me to sell this place and move into one of those horrid holding pens for old folks, like the one my father went into.

Now…my father went to sea all his life. He ran away from home at the age of 17, lied about his age, joined the Navy, and never looked back. And it was a good life: he earned a good living without a college degree (in fact, I don’t think he even graduated from high school). He saw the world — big time — there are not many countries outside the Soviet Union that he didn’t visit. And he landed a harbor pilot’s job in Saudi Arabia that, thanks to the hideous living conditions, paid enough for him to retire at the age of 50.

He did, eventually, have to go back to sea — he didn’t understand about inflation and so found himself short of enough to support himself and my mother for the rest of their lives. But it was only for a year or so.

After my mother died, he immediately moved into an old-folkerie — uhm, “life-care community” — where he lived out the rest of his life in brain-banging misery. No, not because of the institution, called Orangewood, which treated him well — after 30 years on tankers, he was used to crowded living conditions and bad food. But because he stupidly remarried and ended up stuck with with a harridan. He probably figured he could rebuild his former life by replacing my mother with another old gal. But…oh, my….

So my view of old-folkeries is tainted by his remarkably unpleasant experience…which admittedly was tainted not by the old-folkery itself but by the bitch he married.

Let’s suppose I were to give up on staying in my own place and succumb to my son’s demands that I move into an institutional setting…

What would you need to know about a place to live in your dotage?

  • What services and physical amenities would be needed for one to live on one’s own?
    • Meals (served in a student union-like setting)
    • Cleaning services
    • Repair services
    • Chauffeuring (in a limited way)
    • Power bills
  • Could you provide them for yourself?
    • I’m already doing that, except for the chauffeuring…and we do have plenty of those services hereabouts
  • How much would providing them cost?
    • Certainly not as much as your entire net worth, which you pay to get entry to one of those places

What attracted my father to the whole idea of Orangewood, at the outset?

  • He didn’t want to deal with the work of maintaining a house, i.e.,
    • yard work
    • repairs
  • Utility bills were probably included as part of the monthly Orangewood bill
  • Meals were provided
    • He didn’t have to make regular or large grocery-store runs
    • He didn’t mind institutional cooking
  • Orangewood staff would drive inmates to doctors & other destinations
    • In fact, I think they had a bus service that would tote the inmates to grocery stores. Yea verily…I do remember he and Helen ended up sitting for hours in some doctor’s waiting room until the OW bus showed up to drive them home. Hardly ideal!!!
  • He was used to living in an institutional setting, and did not mind cramped, noisy quarters

The fact is, he probably would have been fine there if he had not become involved with Helen. This hints that trying to replicate what made you happy in your previous life is not a good idea.

  • There was no way another woman could replace or duplicate my mother
  • The apartment quarters were too cramped for a couple to live in comfortably unless they were hardly ever home.

If this observation is accurate, then it would seem you have two choices:

  • Don’t remarry or otherwise try to rebuild your prior lifestyle. Engage the new life and do as much as possible in new ways and different ways.
  • If you just must remarry, do not imagine the new married life will be anything like your prior lifestyle. ENGAGE CHANGE and build an entirely new outlook and lifestyle in the new married life.

Why did my mother not want to move to Orangewood?

  • She loved that house in Sun City. She repeatedly told me how much she loved the house and liked living there.
  • She had dear friends out there.
  • She had no desire to leave those friends or build a new social circle
  • After a lifetime of major moves, she probably had figured the move from Long Beach to Sun City would be the last household move she would have to make, and she didn’t want to do it again.

Why might she have been willing to move?

  • Orangewood was within walking distance of my house (but she couldn’t or wouldn’t walk that far)
  • Luke Air Force Base generated a LOT of noise (although she was not bothered by it)
  • She might have felt safer, given her burglar paranoia
  • She would have been closer to fancy shopping centers
  • Although probably unaware of this: she would have had access to better doctors and medical facilities

None of these were strong enough motives to make her want to move.

 What are the pro’s & cons of my own place vs an OldFolkerie? Can these be weighted for comparison?

Pro’s

Staying here:

  • Maintain independence
  • Yard
  • Private pool
  • Spare room for guests
  • Quiet: privacy
  • Full kitchen
  • Separate freezer
  • Indoor, private garage for car
  • Own washer & dryer

OldFolkerie:

  • Communal living: meet new friends
  • Communal living: authorities keep eye on you
  • Relieves my son of responsibility
  • Bus to take you places

Is there a way to replicate the benefits of an old-folkerie?

Along those lines, note this site: https://my.aarpfoundation.org/ Many resources that could help you stay in your home.

Weighted value of pro’s & con’s:
(Sorry: WordPress will NOT let me format this table sanely…and just now I’m not in the mood to retype the whole thing…)

Issue/item Cons, my pl Pro’s, my place Cons, OW Pro’s, OW Real & potential drawbacks
Independence 2 10 1 2 Risk of fall
Yard 3 10 10 0 No yd @ OW
Private Pool 3 8 10 0 Expense, risk
Privacy 5 10 8 1 Limited, OW
Full kitchen 0 10 9 1 OW: no full kitchen
Sep freezer 0 10 10 0 OWs: none
Private parking 0 10 5 5 OW: none
Own w/d 0 10 10 0 No w/d in apt.
Hired workers 2 10 5 5 n/a
Taxi/Uber 3 10 3 10 T/U: about the same
Trans included 0 10 8 8 Slow, PITA; no transit officially “included” at my place
Meals 8 10 8 5 OJ food was awful! Limited mealtimes
Frees Son 10 2 2 8 Need to find services to help when he is unavailable
Social life 8 2 3 7 Need to reach out to make friends here
Sum above 54
Cons, my place
112 Pro’s, my place
92
Cons, Orangewd
52 Pro’s, Orangewd

 

If this list is reasonably complete (is it??), from my point of view: the pro’s of living at my place outweigh the pro’s of Orangewood by more than twice; the con’s of living at Orangewood outweigh the cons of staying here by almost twice.

If fear of a catastrophic fall or a sudden health emergency is the main motivator for institutionalizing oneself, would it not make as much sense to ALWAYS CARRY A CHARGED-UP PHONE or one of those call-for-help buttons?

Either of those is infinitely cheaper than forking over the value of your home plus still more of your assets to some institution. And, IMHO, infinitely better  than consigning yourself to a prison for old folks.

Doggy-Walk in the Time of Alzheimer’s…

Heeeeee!  Or is it Alzheimer’s in the Time of Doggy-Walk? Darned if I can tell! 😀

Ruby and I charge out the door about the time dawn cracks. Soooo hot and humid out there, it feels like Saudi Arabia in the summertime…. except here we don’t have a Persian Gulf three blocks from our house.

Seriously…think I remarked once before that lovely Araby was so humid that sometimes you could be standing outside under a clear blue sky and it would start to rain on you. Not a bit would I have been surprised to see that happen this morning, as we circumambulated the park

Only seven dogs were out for walks this morning, and it was too hot for Ruby to do much lunging at them. So that was…refreshing.

Clothes drenched by the time we get back…jeans soaked with sweat. Now I’ve gotta do ANOTHER load of laundry this morning. Washed all the laundry y’day, which took half the day. Sure could do without a second act of that play!

Ohh well.

Also now, I’ve got to traipse back down to the grocery store. Tried to evade the long trek to AJ’s by shopping in Trader Joe’s yesterday.

BUT

Ringy-ding ringy-dingy ringy-dingy!!!!

Computer tech on his way over here.

Sumbiche.

This requires me to remember why I called. And y’know what? I don’t!

The laptop is running fine.

So is the desktop.

WTF?

Just as I was about to go out the door!

And…THERE we have our memory problem!

I have no clue why I called those folks.

Hmmmmm…. Need to make an AJ’s run…not that I can remember what I needed to buy…ohhh well.

Did you know you can buy these things on Amazon?

Got a distraction goin’ on. Outta here!

Quack Day

A-n-n-d…speaking of doctors, as we were yesterday…in a few minutes I need to head off to a dermatologist. One of my fingernails is lifting right off its bed — for, as far as I can tell, no good reason. I haven’t hurt my hand, and none of the other nails are doing that.

Well…no: not so. You could argue that the thumbnail is starting to do the same thing.

Hmmmmm…. An infection, maybe? Far’s I can remember, I haven’t stuck my paws in any caustic solutions. If I had, you’d think all the nails on that hand would be acting the same way.

This guy is a partner of the beloved Young Doctor Kildare, who once again has left the practice of medicine to take up the leadership of a charitable organization. I hope he and I get on (I adored YDK!), because these are my “doctors in the wild,” as the Mayo calls them. That is: doctors who do NOT practice at the Mayo Clinic.

😀  The Mayo is truly wonderful. But their doctors’ offices are located halfway to Payson. No kidding: they’re on the far northeast side of Scottsdale, almost an hour’s drive from here.

So I’m not inclined to safari all the way out there for just any li’l ailment that I don’t consider life-threatening.

***

So it was over to said local doc. No satisfactory explanation or diagnosis was given. But they want me to go to a neurologist.

And of course, getting in to see this worthy entails a whole new set of endless hoop-jumps! Goodie!

How do they get people to go to doctors at all, these days?

I am JUST NOT UP for this kind of hassle now.

So instead of hurrying home and making a new appointment with the new guy, I cruised up behind YDK’s offices, into a sprawling middle-class housing development of ticky-tacky stick-and-plaster homes.

My dear (late, absconded) friend Elaine and her (now late) husband lived there. I helped them fix up and paint the house when they moved in, which was how I got a good, clear, horrifying look at the place’s construction. What junk!!!! 

And when you drive around (and around and around and around and…) in there, what you see is square mile on square mile of junk.

How the Hell do developers persuade Americans to buy this stuff?

😀

In theory, it ought to be a nice place to live...but…but… Heh: but if you happen to look closely enough to see how the houses are built, you want to RUN away. The structures are as flimsy as flimsy can be. Really: if you’ve ever done any work on one of them, you know that “flimsy” overstates the quality of the construction out there.

So what you have in lovely Moon Valley is mile on square mile on square mile of tossed-together ticky-tacky. Expensive tossed-together ticky-tacky.

Well. Not spectacularly expensive — most of it isn’t, anyway, though there are some fancier(-looking) areas. But these are people’s houses. Houses that are supposed to last a generation or three.

Some of them, you’d be amazed to see last a decade, to say nothing of a generation.

****

Ohhh well. Here’s a rather interesting passage about a new theory of Alzheimer’s, speaking doctoring. It appears rather little is really understood about the condition…and it’s a condition that’s spreading to drastic proportions.

****

Tuesday
August 20

And now it’s quarter six, after several more sleepless hours. Might as well get up and walk the dawg before it gets hot.

What a life! Such as it is…

Fears

What are you scared of?

We’re all scared of something, whether it’s a real something or a something we blow up all out proportion. Most of the time, the more we think about it, the more we scare ourselves. 😀

Me, I’m scairt of…what?

  • The local burglars. We live…what: about a mile?…south of a dire, drug-ridden slum. On the east, the ‘Hood runs adjacent to an aging, crime-infested apartment shambles. So we have a pretty high crime rate. Everyone here lives behind deadbolts and burglar alarms and steel security screens.
  • Crazies on the road. Every now and again, some hapless driver gets shot because they annoy a fellow homicidal driver. People carry guns around in their cars, and when they get mad, they break the things out and use them.
  • Along the same lines: crazy traffic. You have to stay alert every second you’re behind the steering wheel. If you don’t, you will get into a fine crash. Even if you do stay as alert as a cat after a bird, eventually you probably will be rear-ended or side-slammed anyway.
  • The vicissitudes of old age. Just now I hurt. Have developed some new ailment that I never heard of. It does hurt, yes. And no one seems to have clue to how to treat it or whether it will go away. The Mayo has suggested a drug that will make me sicker than the disease…so…yeah.
  • Doctors. Not my favorite species. And speaking of “just now,” well…just now I’m having wayyy too many dealings with them.

LOL! So it goes.

My mother was scared. Of everything. In particular, she got it into her head that a perp was going to climb up on the roof of their car (which in Sun City was parked under an open carport), open the hatch to the attic, jump up into the attic, walk across a beam to the living room, cut a hole in the ceiling, and jump down into the house. Apparently this actually did happen out there, at least once. It must have been reported in the Sun City newspaperoid.

But….but…if she was so scared of the bogeyman jumping down into the living room from the attic, why not install a burglar alarm in the attic? It would’ve been easy to do.

Weird, though, that I never thought of that until just this minute. Why don’t people think of the obvious?

Probl’y she was afraid my father would pooh-pooh her, tell her she was a lunatic. He was an artist at little-womaning. But if she could show him a news story proving it had happened, surely he could’ve been persuaded. Maybe.

Even SDXB, the Man of Steel, carried a loaded pistol in his car’s glove compartment. Just in case, y’know. And he slept with a shotgun right at hand.

A good thing, despite the implicit paranoia. He needed that shotgun when he got up at 2 in the morning to find a pair of perps had sliced out a window pane and were climbing through the gap into his living room.

Ohhhh well.

I was gonna drive downtown to the Cathedral this morning — it being Sunday — in hopes of picking up old friendships from the choir and…maybe???…even seeing if I can get back on the choir.

Here at the church in uptown central Phoenix our choir director retired. His replacement changed the gist of the choir’s offerings — as was his perfectly reasonable right. The new repertoire was — and is — way, WAY over my head. We had no music teaching where I grew up, in Saudi Arabia. So…I can’t read music unless I can hear it.

That makes it impossible for me to perform with the New! Improved! All Saints choir. Had to drop out.

As it develops, a lot of the folks on the choir did the same: they ended up on the choir at the downtown cathedral. So…I’ve been thinking I would drive down there, sit through the service, and try to schmooze with the choir members a bit. Maybe even get back on the choir.

But…hmmmm….  Maybe not today. Given my current state of decrepitude, it’s just too dangerous to cruise the homicidal streets in the rain. It’s been pouring all night; no sign of a let-up.

Therein lies the barrier to following fellow ex-choir members downtown: “just too dangerous.” You have to park in a covered garage…and I do NOT feel safe there, not even in broad daylight. Certainly would not feel safe walking around there at 10:00 p.m., after choir rehearsal. Maybe if someone would go with me — I could park my car at their house, say — but to go down there alone? Not. So. Much.

So…yeah. An aspect of living in Phoenix scares me so much, I’m afraid to do something I miss terribly and very much want to do.

Scairt!