Coffee heat rising

Adventures in Internet Life

Monday Evening…

All the Internet connections in the neighborhood are down. Down, down, downy-down-down.

This means I can’t use any of the phones in the house, all of which are fake land-lines. Right now the only way I have to call 911 or try to reach any other kind of help is through the accursed iPhone.

Problem with that thing is…well, make that problemS

 Main one: I’ll be damned if I can figure out how to use the dratted thing. It is SO arcane and so contrary and so effin accursed that I just can NOT make it work. Even dialing 911 is highly problematic.

Fortunately, Luz – the Cleaning Lady from Heaven – happened to be here. She was able to call the accursed phone company from her cell, so we got the outage reported. And she called the WonderAccountants, who live across the street: they confirmed that yes, their phones are out, too. And we were able to call my son, who expressed his annoyance at my stupidity.

And now I have no way to call for help if I need it …well, I guess I could run outside and scream HAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLPPP!!!!! at the top of my voice. But that’s about it.

Well. I do have an iPhone, but it’s so complicated I can’t figure out how to use it.

Nor can I get online in Firefox.

Ohhhhh well… tappity tap in Word. Maybe someday the computer will connect to the Internet, get me in to WordPress, and let me post to Funny about Money.

 This is the second time we’ve had a neighborhood-wide Internet outage. The last time, actually, it was district-wide. The only way I was able to get online, finally, was to drive down to AJ’s, several miles to the south of here. Buy a cup of coffee and park at one of their tables. Connect to the Web through their system.

Not inclined to do that this evening, because I have no urgent need to access the Internet or send an outgoing message. But it’s infuriating, considering what we pay for this alleged service.

It’s also nervous-making, since I’ve never really learned how to use the iPhone and very much doubt that during an emergency I would be able to reach help on the thing.

*****

Now it will let me in to Funny about Money’s web page, but won’t let me into the dashboard. So I can’t copy this squib out of Word and paste it into WordPress. Tomorrow morning I’ll have to traipse down to the computer store and get one of their guys to persuade this thing to work again.

Well…. At least the electric is on. That’s something, I guess. The streetlights are on – dunno whether the traffic signals are working…and am not about to go driving around to find out.

*****

And…and!!! YAYYYY! Funny’s site is back up! Let’s see if we can get this scribble online…

Just one minute of peace…puhleeze, police?

Argh!!! Cop helicopters buzzing all over to the northeast of us. NOW what?

They’re right over the canal, which suggests someone — very probably a kid — fell in. But…the area they’ve been covering — quite a few square blocks — suggests they’re after a perp.

LOL! Speaking of perps, WonderCleaningLady seems to have made off with my whiteboard pen. Now I’ve got to traipse to the store and buy another one.

My jaded point of view on life predisposes me to assume she stole it. That, of course, is BS. Most likely, she picked it up while dusting, dropped it in a pocket, and forgot about it. No: MOST likely is that I picked up, used it once, set it down, and now can’t remember where “down” was.

For me, though: the result is the same: gotta go buy another one. GRRRRRRR!!!

😀

The cops have retreated.

Whatever they were up to must have resolved itself fairly fast. Either that or the perp took off running fast enough to escape our boys.

WhatEVER. Close and lock the doors.

Ruby likes to roam in and out through the kitchen door. But sometimes that’s just not practical….

Moving: A Bad Idea

So here I am: coveting the Old Neighborhood. Thinking how much I’d love to move back down into the historic mid-town Encanto neighborhood, where DXH and I spent the first 15 years or so of our marriage. Where M’ijito grew old enough to pass through the first several years of the tony private grade school where we sent him. Where I wrote a Ph.D. dissertation, got it accepted by a prestigious publisher, finished the degree, and thereby made myself unemployable.

Ahhhh, the good ole days!

Ruby and I traipsed all over the place this afternoon, from our old part of the district through the expensively tony Palmcroft neighborhood, into the park…round and round.

I loved our time in the Encanto/Palmcroft district, and greatly regretted feeling we needed to move out. Before we sold our beautiful historic home and moved up to the North Central area, DXH had told me we would put our son in the highly respected Madison schools, the best public school district in the state. I figured Cool! He could get a first-rate K-8 experience, meet and make friends with offspring of the prominent North Central set, and from there proceed with the other Richistani kids to attend the weighty and prestigious Brophy Catholic High School. Or, failing that, go through Central High School, without doubt the state’s best public high school.

Well. Uh…no.

Once we got moved, DXH refused to switch the kid into a public school. So there we were in Snobsville North, where I knew no one and no one felt any craving to make friends with white trash of my ilk.

(No, in case you haven’t figured it out: My parents were not professionals, they were not even college graduates, and they knew nothing about how to function as socialites…)

The marriage didn’t survive that fun period. I ended up  back south where the WT live, and then eventually skipped around to the far side of the tony North Central district, landed in some apartments on the north side, and extracted a full-time teaching job from Arizona State University.

At any rate, leaving the Encanto District to move up to North Central meant leaving behind beloved neighbors, beautiful historic houses, and a wonderful central location close to cultural and entertainment amenities. Eventually it also meant me leaving behind the marriage, the lawyer, and the trying social life…and the beloved neighbors, the beautiful historic houses, and the central city location with its proximity to cultural and entertainment amenities.

Ohhh well…

Since then, a lot of things have changed. A full-time job at the Great Desert University meant I could support myself. My parents’ dying, one at a time, meant I had no one to nag me to stay in the (highly advantageous) marriage. But their demise also left me with enough money to support me for the rest of my life. I bought into a decent neighborhood on the fringe of North Central, and here we are.

But I still miss the lovely Encanto district. Cruising the area, I wondered: would I like to sell my house here on the fringe of Sunnyslope and move back downtown?

The answer is mixed. A lot of things are improved up here on the north end of North Central, as compared to the picturesque historic Encanto district. But a lot of things are de-proved, as it were…

Why move?

  • Sunnyslope is kind of menacing. It is, after all, a high-crime area.
  • We therefore have lots of noise from cop helicopters.
  • Then there’s the noise from the annoying lightrail train.
  • The noise from  traffic and sirens on Conduit of Blight Blvd amplify the racket.
  • And we do have some interestingly sh!t-headed neighbors.

Why NOT move?

  • I could in theory walk to two markets & a drugstore from here. My spectacularly superannuated great-grandmother used to walk that far several times a week in Berkeley: straight uphill. Here, though, to get through the heat and dodge the panhandlers and thieves, you have to drive to the stores or use Uber.
  • M’hijito wants this house.
  • I don’t know anybody downtown anymore.
  • Young people who don’t like older people infest that place — Encanto is Encanto because of the young people who covet the beautiful historic homes. Discrimination against elders is a real thing, and it’s likely to be far worse there in Yuppieville than it is up here in a more diverse neighborhood.
  • It’s even noisier there than it is here (she says,. as a plane buzzes overhead…).
  • One wonders: why spend that kinda money for not much improvement in lifestyle?
  • The pool here is an expensive nuisance, but it could be drained and decked.
  • The Romanian Landlord’s tribe are shitheads, but WGAS? And what guarantees that you won’t have shitheads there?

Many more nuances come into play:

  • Care of elders: soon enough, I may have to hire someone to come in to care for me, or else move into a long-term care facility.
  • This house is paid for and in good condition. If I pass it to M’jito he could move in here and have a palatial little shack with a pool and about four times more space than he needs.
  • On the other hand, who wants to pay for and ride herd on four times more space than you need?
  • Unloading this place and moving into a care facility might greatly reduce my taxes.
  • This area is really not very safe.
  • But then, neither is the area where M’jito lives. Toss-up!

The truth is, I don’t know which way to jump because it probably doesn’t matter which way one jumps. Either way presents a set of pro’s and a set of con’s.

So…we’re cast back on that reliable old adage:

When in doubt, don ‘t.

Oh…Emmm…Geeee!

I can’t believe it!

Just heard from my “doctor in the wild” — i.e., an MD who is NOT associated with the Mayo Clinic.

Yeah: I keep a doc in the wild for two reasons. The main one: the Mayo is located halfway to Payson: damn near an hour’s drive from here. So that means every doctor visit entails almost two hours of driving through hectic traffic. I’ve taken to reserving the cross-country journey for ailments that I think are serious stuff.

The other reason: Doctors are only human. They make mistakes.

For that reason, I always get a second opinion. No matter what kind of Hell & High Water we’re looking at.

So, that being a fact supported by experience, when the Mayo suggested that diabetes or mebbe prediabetes (make up your minds, folks!) was hauling me toward Death’s Door, I decided to quietly get a “check-up” from Young Dr. Kildare’s crew.

His P.A. just called and reported that there’s NO SIGN OF DIABETES OR PREDIABETES OR ANY OTHER BLOOD SUGAR ISSUE in the elaborate set of tests they just performed.

Understand: it’s not the first time YDK’s team has beaten me about the head & shoulders with this annoying blood test. And…consistently, they say the results are well within the normal range.

So…

Umh….

So…???? What the HELL is the Mayo doing, delivering a diagnosis that directly contradicts other doctors’ conclusions?

Dare one ask if they’re fishing for long-term patients who will have to come back every few weeks from now until the sun burns out?

Naaaaahhhhhh…. Couldn’t be. Could it?

Lovely REMOTE Uptown Phoenix

LOL! As I’m wont to call my North Central district of (un)lovely Phoenix, Lovely Uptown Phoenix may still have a few lovely enough neighborhoods, but no part of it is centrally located, as the “uptown” sobriquet implies. The Valley is now one long, gooey swath of sub-suburbs. You drive until you’re  blue in the face to get where you’re going, and then you drive some more. Reverse and repeat to get home.

I need to go to the dermatologist. Something weird is happening to my paws: the fingernails are lifting off the nail beds. No obvious reason for this to happen. All I know is that it hurts. And the stuff the defunct Young Dr. Kildare’s partner prescribed does exactly nothing to help.

So…that means more driving driving driving, more hassle hassle hassle, more dollars dumped at the pharmacy.

If I thought whatever this is would go away, I’d leave it alone and just wait. But…it’s NOT going away. To the contrary, it’s fast getting worse.

Gosh, I don’t feel like driving from pillar to post. On the other hand, this…Thing, whatever it is, seems to be getting worse. Fast.

Let’s try calling YDK’s ex-partner again…see if we can get in today. (Fat chance, eh?)

******

Yea, verily! SERIOUSLY fat chance!!  Got in this very afternoon!

Gosh….that’s kinda amazing!

Trouble is, it suggests they think it could be something serious. And that’s something I could do without.

Soooo…it’s likely to be even more amazing if they come up with a nostrum that works.

******

hmmmmm….  Y’know, there’s a Basha’s grocery store (local chain comparable to Safeway) in the shopping center right across the road from YDK’s office. Hmmm….

If I were getting YDK prescriptions filled there, all I’d have to do is go across the street. Wouldn’t have to circle back into the neighborhood and fight my way through 87 berjillion no-left-turn intersections to get to the Safeway.

It’s only 91 degrees out here on the shady front patio. Humidity: 14%. Doesn’t seem that bad…but gosh, it’s muggy! In Yarnell, near the long-lamented ranch, humidity is only 6%. How do I wish I were there? Lemme count the ways…

My dear friend Elaine used to shop in that Basha’s. She lived in the surrounding tract, known as Moon Valley. After her husband died, she went back east to be with her relatives. Nothing more has been heard from her, and indeed, I believe she herself is now “late.” As they say. They were some years older than I, back in the day when we spent much of our spare time hanging out together.

hmmmmm….yeah. It sez here, sez DuckDuckGo, that she died in 2024. Well…that’s not surprising — she was skateboarding toward the end when last seen, well into her 80s. But it’s too bad.

waitwaitwait! Here’s a photo of the Dear Departed, and eeek! That’s not OUR Elaine.

Hmmmm….

{sigh}

Well, she was quite a few years older than me, and I was no spring chicken when we met. Sooo…she’s surely moved on from this earthly plane by now.

{sigh x 10 to the 12th power….}

And while we’re sighing, let us move on to {MOAN!}  How do I not want to  blow away half the afternoon traipsing to a doctor’s office and a pharmacy? Let me count the ways…

According to the Grand Expert in the Sky (i.e., the Internet), nails lift off their bed for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is a fungal infection. That will entail gulping down an anti-fungal drug, which, as usual, is just about guaranteed to make me good & sick.

I can hardly wait…

******

ohhhkayyyy….so…i waited….

She didn’t have the faintest.

Holeee sh!t! Is there some REASON why we pay for insurance and in-person visits to see doctors?

Oh. Yeah. So they can afford to go out to dinner, right?

/eyeroll/

Stop the World…

i wanna get off!!!!!

This damn place — lovely uptown Phoenix — gets crazier and crazier with each passing day. Accumulated passing days have given us insane cross-streets and neighborhood roads: lunatic drivers, roads that go nowhere, a construction zone at every turn…what a horrible place!

Wait, wait… Whew! A miracle just happened: WordPress let me in to Funny about Money, a maneuver it’s been rejecting all morning.

I could not remember the secret codes…or much of anything else. Apparently the computer’s memory has not yet been consumed by senility: at length, it remembered SOMETHING and let me into FaM’s site.

So this morning I determined to buy a silly dood-dad that I’ve been coveting for some time. So it was off to the gigantic {supermarket} up on Dunlap Road.

They didn’t have it.

Ohhhkayyyyy….

Around the corner to the hardware store:

Noooo…not a chance in Hell.,

Ohhhhhkayyyyy,,,,

Across Main Drag Central, over to the westside shopping area, into another hardware store.

Nope.,

Into another supermarket.

Har har hardy-har har!

Over to the Safeway.

Not a chance in Hell.

Up to the Albertson’s. It may not be Hell, but it doesn’t have a chance of carrying the doo-dad, either.

Driving around & around. Ugh!

Truth to tell, I love to drive. But I am SO-O-O-O SICK of driving in L.A. East!!!!! Gawdlmighty, I hate the homicidal streets of Phoenix. Just a nasty, frustrating, crazy-making place to drive a car.

Driving around gets crazier with each day. People behave like they’re high on meth, wherever they go. Who knows? Maybe in my senilitude, I do the same thing. All I know is…GET OUTTA MY WAY, YA CRAZY FOOLS!

Seriously: that’s how it feels to drive here.

The more Phoenix resembles the L.A. area, the more I hate it.

Seriously: if my son didn’t live here, I would be sooooooooo long gone!

Where would I go?

Hm….

Here in Arizona?

* Sedona
* the Oro Valley area outside of Tucson
* Fountain Hills, an overpriced suburb of Scottsdale
* Prescott (probably not: too cold in the winter)

Uhmmmm…that’s about it.

In California:

* San Francisco
* Certain parts of San Diego
* Carmel/Monterey, if I had all the money in the world

In Nevada?

*Phbbhphttt!

In New Mexico?

* Santa Fe: again, if I had all the money in the world

****

Welp! Since “All the money in the world” doesn’t apply here. it looks like I’m stuck. And the more I live in Central Arizona, the less I like it.

****

Advice to the unwary: think one helluva lot more carefully than I did about where you’d like to spend your dotage!