Coffee heat rising

One “NOW WHAT” after another…

Dawn cracks. Ruby is delighted: she dearly loves the break of day. Human is less thrilled. Ohhh well.

We stumble outside, Ruby to patrol the yard and pee on everything, the human to…uhm…stand around. And…

LO! A set of wet tracks has been laid down on the Kool-Deck…like someone or something climbed out of the drink. Impossible to tell whether the tracks are human or animal…

Did Pool Dude show up before the crack of dawn and maybe fell into the water?  Seems like Ruby would have alerted to that. Pool Dude is her hero…paws-down the very finest hero in the history of human-canine contact. If he’d been out there, she would have been hot to shoot out there and love him up.

Besides, if he’d fallen in the drink he would have made a lot of noise, enough to set off Ruby like a four-legged burglar alarm.

Hmmm…

Tony’s Home for Juvenile Delinquents has been a little more restive than normal. Maybe one of the pistols over there snuck out and frolicked around the neighborhood last night. But…why would they climb through the thorny vines over the alley wall to do…effectively nothing?

Tony himself has targeted the pool in the past. Indeed, that’s how we ended up in court with him, where he scared my lawyers so much they urged me not to come back to the house. And that was the immediate reason that SDXB sold his house and moved to Sun City. He who swaggers first runs first, hm?

Maybe I’d better put up a camera or two out there. If the delinquent charges of the Delinquent-Master have decided to launch a new campaign, it would be good to have a video of them. Right?

But…I Want It NOW…

Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not whenever I can find it (if I can) on the local market.

NOW.

It’s spectacularly convenient to be able to order up this little thingy and that little doo-dad and have it delivered right to your door. Yes. That much must be admitted. That much must be admired.

But the other day, I wanted one silly little, minor little, once always-available-about-everywhere little thing, and I wanted it now. Today. Ideally, within the hour.

It was the sort of thing you used to be able to find in a type of store called a “dime store,” such as a TG&Y: chain stores that sold inexpensive handy-dandy gadgetry that people use around the house and the car and the yard.

No more! Far as I can tell, dime stores no longer exist.

I drove from pillar to post searching…

  • Albertson’s does not carry it.
  • Safeway does not carry it.
  • Target does not carry it.
  • Bed Bath & Beyond no longer exists.
  • Walmart does not carry it.
  • Lowe’s does not carry it.
  • AJ’s does not carry it…

On and on and gas-guzzlingly on. NO ONE carries it.

What is “it”?

It’s this: an old-fashioned purse-sized, pocket-sized spiral-bound notepad.

Apparently they still make them. Although of late retailers will not let you copy an image and paste it into your effing blog post….

You just can’t find them. At least not in brick-and-mortar retail stores. I searched all over the effing city, and nobody had these things.

Upshot: It’s not that you can order it from Amazon. It’s that you HAVE TO order it from Amazon. And if you need it now? Well, screw you, m’dear.

Ugh! I am sooo unstuck in time! My God, sometimes I feel like I live not in a different era but on a different planet from the one I grew up on.

And while we have many, many blandishments that are wonderful and amazing…well… Are they?

We have these awesome phones we can carry around! Whoop-de-doo!

  • Now anyone who takes a whim to do so can pester us on the phone as we drive around or hike or bicycle ride or sit in a meeting or…whatEVER.
  • Now advertisers can track us around the city and harass us at will.
  • Now if our car craps out and we don’t have one of these gadgets with us — or, Gawd forfend if it’s not charged up — we are in deep, deep trouble.
  • Now if we’re on the lam from the cops, the authorities can track us down, intercept us, and bust us…

Hmmmmm…. THIS is a good thing?

We have delivery services that bring everything from a cheap notebook to a filet mignon to our doorstep. But what if we want to shop for it in person? What if want to see what we’re getting before we plop down our credit card?

What if, f’r hevvinsake, we want it NOW?

Ugh. What a brave new world!

Stop the World? Yea, verily…

As I was saying the other day: Stop the World! 😀

Mercifully, this morning the world does seem to have come to a stop. When I woke up, I thought TODAY I HAVE TO TAKE THE CAR TO GET THE REAR BUMPER REPLACED and ooooh lhudly sing goddam I’ve gotta be there by 7:30 and I have NO idea where the body shop is!

Hell and damnation, what a way to greet the accursed day!

Even worse, I’d say, than yesterday, which was quite the little winner.

Along about mid-day, it was down to the gourmet grocer’s. Come prancing out with my purchases. Toss them in the back of the vehicle. Jump in. Start the engine. Can’t see traffic coming on either side, because much larger critters are parked to the left of me and parked to the right of me. E-a-a-s-e out into the lane and

WHAM!!!!!!!!

Some sunovabitch runs into me.

It’s my fault, of course. Because he had the wrong of way, being in the traffic lane and not in a parking spot.

We call a cop to report the dust-up. Cop refuses to write me a ticket, because — says he — we’re on private property.

{can you imagine???}

Welp. Things brightened up a little when I looked at the computer and realized today is Saturday, not Monday. This means I won’t have to spend several hours twiddling my thumbs in the body shop’s waiting room today, anyhow. But more to the point, it means I have all of today and all of tomorrow to drive into glummest northwest Phoenix to locate the place. And that means I won’t have to flail around in Monday’s morning rush hour searching for it.

It also meant that Ruby and I could go for our morning doggy-walk, uninterrupted.

So along about 6 a.m., it was out the door, dragged by a 35-pound beast.

Ruby l-o-o-o-o-ves the park. Ohhh, how she loves that damn park! So whenever we go out for a doggy-walk, she invariably drags me in that direction.

Today I decided to indulge her: why not?

Then again…why?

See, the problem with the park — well, one of its problems — is that at this hour the place is overrun with dogs.

See that big sign at the entrance? The one that reads

DOGS MUST BE ON LEASH

???

You’d be surprised how many of your fellow citizens can’t read. Any time you go over there — particularly during the Doggy Parade hours — the damn place is overrun with dogs racing back and forth off-lead.

A corgi, though to the naked eye a cute little teddy-bear of a dog, is not a teddy-bear. It’s a short German shepherd.

And, like Anna the GerShep before her, Ruby wants little more from life than the opportunity to clear the earth of other dogs.

So if you come bounding up to me with your own teddy-bear on a leash, Ruby is gonna go after it. And if your effing dawg is running around off-lead, then I am going to get dragged into a dog fight.

This is why I try to avoid that damn park as much as possible.

But not today. Nothing would do but what we had to charge over to the park on this beautiful, cool morning with high clouds prancing in the morning breeze.

First off, a Creep spots me. And he is a creepy one.

See…when you’re born female, you learn to avoid certain types of men. And by the time you’re about 20, you’ve learned to recognize those types on sight, from a considerable distance.

He starts to follow us.

I catch up with a couple of older men and ask if I can walk with them. They clearly think I’m crazy but say OK.

Natcherly, we just get going when Ruby stops to dump on the grass.

So much for that strategy.

The two guys having gone on their way, I decide Discretion Is the Better Part, and we head out of the park, homeward-bound.

My cookies are frosted.

Seriously: God DAMN it!!!!!!! You can’t even go for a walk in the neighborhood park — for which you pay with your taxes — without harassment.

It does look like it’s going to rain pretty quick, even though Wunderground emotes to the contrary. They predict just 2 percent chance of precip today, 5 percent tomorrow.

Oh well.

This will mean that later today I can drive up to the alleged location of the auto body shop (and drive, and drive, and drive…it’s halfway to freakin’ Ahwatukee!), which will help a great deal tomorrow, since I have to be there at 7:30 in the morning. Right in the middle of the effin’ rush hour!

Unless forced to do otherwise, I stay off the roads here during the rush hour. Arizona drivers make California drivers look stodgy. You take your life in your hands every time you get behind a steering wheel here…but your chances of meeting oblivion go way up during the rush hours.

Especially when you’re pretty vague about where you’re going…

Oh well. It’s long past breakfast time. The human is starved. And so…awaaayyyyy!

Where were we…about stopping the world?

Gawdalmighty, STOP THE WORLD” seems to be the byword of the day.

It’s after dark. The dawg and I are fed. It’s too crazy out there to go for an evening doggy-walk, so we’re hunkered down.

And hunkered in full stop the world mode.

A cop helicopter is buzzing the ‘Hood. Lemme tellya: these guys don’t burn pricey aviation fuel for nothin’. They’ve been overhead for a half-hour or 45 minutes: searching, searching, searching. Rattling the windowpanes. Disturbing the dawg. Disturbing the human.  Now they’re cruising above the streets just to the north of us.

Have I said how much I hate living here?

But…

But….

But……

Is there anyplace better to live?

Truth to tell, what that cop said right after the Great Home Invasion Episode appears to be true: “It’s the same all over the Valley.” From the Richistans to the blue-collar slums to the ghettos, it really DOES appear to be “the same all over the Valley.”

Okay, wtf is going on now? Over to the neighborhood Facebook page, usually the fastest source of fact and gossip…

H. Acken

Was anyone else asked to stay inside?

Loren Rohrer

Helicopter is saying to surrender now….that can’t be good….

Morgan Hoaglin

I am betting on the K9 here
Sonja Marie Clarke Yurkiw
What’s happening with the helicopter?

Megan Tranter
          A truck was pulled over on Drey Drive. One of the occupants fled the scene. There’s where it stands just now. But…Ughhhhhhh am I ever tired of it.

You ‘n’ me both, sister!!!

Wednesday, October 4, 2023…Stop the fukkin world, already….

De bonne heure  (which is a way of saying “at the crack of dawn”)…

Well, the cop cars have moved on from Tony’s Home for Juvenile Delinquents. 😀

When Ruby and I went out along about 6 or 6:30 this a.m., TWO cop cars were parked over there. Must’ve been quite the little dust-up under way. It’s quiescent now. A car is parked at the curb along my house’s east wall…presumably a vehicle belonging to one of the keepers. The policia were gone when we got back from this morning’s doggy-walk, about an hour later. With any luck, maybe they will have found something new the County can use to bop Tony about the head and shoulders.
hmmmmmm…….  Y’know….if I were a parent and I learned that a school bus my kid was riding — for the Glendale Union High School District(!) — was detouring off its route to pick up one or more urchins from a home for juvenile delinquents in the Phoenix Union High School District, I would NOT be happy.
* Which brings up another little irregularity: We’re in the Sunnyslope High School district, not in the Glendale Union district. Or the Phoenix Union High School District.
So..WTF???
Ever entertaining!
Gorgeous morning…actually COOL out as dawn cracked.
****
time marches on
****
4:00 p.m.
Late Afternoon 
Irrigation Dude is here. Has been all afternoon…speaking of jobs one is happy one does not have. He’s dug up the back side yard, rebuilt the underground irrigation on the west side of the house, got most of it working. Arrgha!
Now his son just showed up, a grown young man evidently intended to inherit the business.
I yam starved, having done without lunchoid. Even though it’s only a little after 4, I’m about to expire. Soooo….
What we have on the menu is shrimp sautéed in garlic, tossed with boxed tomato sauce over pasta.
Yay! Was delighted to find the shrimp in the freezer, and even more delighted to find a box of “canned” tomatoes in the cupboard. To say nothing of a bottle of white wine.
Just watching Irrigation Dude dig and haul and gadgetize all afternoon — in the heat — has left me exhausted.
***
Yea verily: So exhausted I can’t think clearly. As in WHY THE FUCK WON’T THE GODDAMN OVEN TIMER SHUT THE FUCK UP! 
 
Nothing that I do makes it stop. It’s not showing a count-down. As far as I can see, it’s not on. But every five minutes or so, it starts in again with beep…beep…beep…beep…   Damned if I can figure out why, and therefore damned if I can shut it off. Tonight I’ll have to go to bed behind  a closed door… 
 
Oh…now whatever it thinks it’s doing is done: BEEEP BEEEP BEEP BEE…
 
Run over there and shut it off. But don’t see how to shut it completely off once and for all because I don’t see HOW to shut it off, period. Before I go to bed tonight, forgodsake, I’ll have to go outside and shut off the damn breaker switch to the kitchen!
 
Stop the world, Lord. I wanna get offf!
***
5:15 P.M.
Tired. Spectacularly tired.
Moderately hungry, but not very… Read: “too tired to eat.” Pasta is boiling. Unclear what I’m gonna do if I can’t shut off the fuckin oven clock’s dingy-bonger.
BEEEP BEEEEP
Fuckaroonies!!!!. Let’s see if we can shut it off at the breaker box.
Yes. That shut it up.
Dump the raw pasta into the pan of boiling water. (The stove runs on gas, so is exempt from the goddamn breaker box’s present set of antics.)
Walk into the family room. Sit down. Pick up computer, Proceed to…to…
BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP 
God DAMN it. 
Traipse to the kitchen. Glare at the oven. Click off. 
 
 Off, godammit! Off off OFF!
 
Quiescent for the moment,. Dunno how long that will last. And have NO idea how I’m gonna get any sleep tonight if the fucker doesn’t QUIT IT!!!!!
*****
Only Quarter to Six…
Soooo exhausted that all I wanna do is GO TO BED!
But it’s too fiukkin hot to go to bed, despite the air-conditioner pounding away…and pounding away…and pounding away nonstop. Expensively nonstop!
Finally get the goddamned oven timer to shut up.
How???
Noooooo idea!
6:03 p.m.
The fukkin oven timer has stayed shut up. WHY, I cannot imagine. But it this point, I figure discretion is the better part… The fewer questions asked, the better.
Ya know what?
I HATE living in the 21st century! 
It’s seven fukkin’ types of Purgatory….
What a time. 
What a place.
What a people.
And…and…and…
 
Every line in that little graphic I’ve had to do three times. AT LEAST. 
Stop the fukkin world. I wanna get off!

Another Fine Day y-Cumin’ In….

Boyoboy, I can hardly wait. /s/

That’s /s/ with a vengeance. You know it’s time to go when you realize you’re unstuck in time: I’m a creature of the 20th century that most surely does NOT belong in the 21st century.

This afternoon I have to drive to a huge mid-town hospital complex to meet a new doctor. This, because I decided to go in search of a new GP, one that is not part of the Mayo bureaucracuy. Not that MayoDoc isn’t wonderful — she’s very good. The problem is that the Mayo is halfway to freaking Payson, over a huge main drag that is always under construction

No overstatement: I cannot remember when I haven’t had to weave and trudge and stop-and-start through mile after mile of roadwork on Shea Boulevard, the only way out there from here. This was worth it when my great old doc was out there. But the woman onto whom they foisted me when he retired has made it very clear she doesn’t like older female patients and she especially doesn’t like me.

No kidding. Last time I was out there, she actually grimaced when I walked in her office door.

I’ll keep my place in line out there by visiting once a year, but meanwhile, I need to get a doctor in town for routine stuff. So…today we’ll see if this woman at Good Samaritan will be a decent fit.

Good Sam is where my son was born. It was adequate…I guess. The main thing I remember about it…heh….this is soooo stupid:

When the kid arrived on this earth, I didn’t know I was in labor until he was about to pop out. Why? Because labor does not hurt as much as your period.

I’d been told ooooohhh dear ooooohhhh dear, giving birth would be SOOOOO hideously painful, eek awk be ready for serious torture.

Uh….well…no.

At no time, not from beginning to end, did delivering that nine-pound boy hurt anywhere much as a routine menstrual period.

Down at Good Sam, which was the closest hospital to where we lived at the time, I overhear some broad simpering — no kidding, these were her words — “How can she stand it?” 

Idiot. How do you think I could stand it every fuckin’ 28 days? 😀

This: the result of doctors not believing what women say. Many times I’d told doctors that my periods could drive me to the brink of suicide. And just as many times I got the pat on my pretty little noggin and the there there, little girl, it’s all in your head.

You wonder why I stay away from doctors as much as possible? Some of these folks do make Christian Science look good…

Oh well. I figure it’ll take about an hour to get downtown through the traffic, find the parking garage, navigate to the fifth floor of their office building…and how CAN i count the ways i’m not lookin’ forward to that?

In other sylvan realms:

Ordered up some rat repellent from Amazon. These finally arrived yesterday. Whenever I get off the computer and then have some breakfast, I’ll have to climb into the attic and toss a few of these things around — they come in the form of bags — and then place the rest of them in strategic places around the garage, where Ruby can’t get at them.

This appears to be truly nasty stuff. After I’d picked up the box to read the instructions this morning, I rubbed an itchy eye with my left hand. Understand: I hadn’t even opened the damn box!

The microscopic amount on my hands made my eye BURN AND BURN AND BURN. I thought I was gonna have to go to the ER! Finally, after I scrubbed my face twice with soap and water, it stopped. Thank the heavens for small favors!

Now we know, anyway, not to even touch the package without wearing disposable gloves.

***********

11 ayem…

Yes. Ever have one of those days? You know…where everything you touch goes

SPROI-I-I-N-N-G

???

Yeah.Well….this is turning into one of those days. Whatever I’ve tried to do and had to do has tangled itself up, unraveled itself, fallen apart. jammed together, whatEVER. 

Finally got the supposedly rat-repellent bags of aromatic mint deposited here, there, and everywhere around the garage. Yeah. Uh huh.

Frankly, I think have about a snowball’s chance of this stuff working. Or doing anything other than emitting a stink that probably annoys humans as much as it annoys rats. If it annoys rats, that is.

There are those who believe it does repel our furry little friends,. But apparently it’s a short-term solution.

Some have suggested we might as well give up the endless war on rats and learn to live with the li’l fellas. This would be fine if they didn’t chew up the wiring, rip out the insulation, feast on the citrus harvest, and carry one disease or another. Or another. And another….

At this point, I’m up in the air. From what I can tell after talking to a couple of exterminators, for a small fortune those guys don’t do anything more than you can do yourself.

The most effective tactic would be to put out poison. But I surely can’t do that with Ruby around. If she didn’t eat the stuff herself, she’d almost certainly take a taste of any dead livestock she found out there. And that would be the end of her.

The fallback tactic: Cat.

Not just any cat, but a Manx cat.

These critters, in addition to being very smart and highly active, are big enough to take on a damned rat.

Yes. But.

Heh. They’re big enough to take on Ruby, too.

Over the years, Ruby has learned that the Human is highly entertained when she chases Other Daughter’s goddamn cats out of the backyard.

(Other Daughter is Tony the Romanian Landlord’s less-favored adult daughter. Apparently she doesn’t conform to his expectations well enough to be in line to inherit the Romanian Empire. But he does care for her, so much so that he has bought her a house two lots to the west of the Funny Farm. She’s a cat lady. There have been times when she’s probably had six or eight cats down there. She doesn’t run the AC: she leaves the windows and doors open, so the critters roam in and out. And if you have a bird feeder, your yard is the first place the little kitties roam…)

Anyway, the result is that Ruby delights in chasing furry things around the yard.

Unlike cats, though, rats are unfazed. They shoot up a tree or over a wall and then shortly come right back.

*more to come*