Coffee heat rising

Live-Blogging from Storm Central

It’s gettin’ mighty cold out there! And dark. Here in the middle of the afternoon, all the lights in the room are burning against the twilight gloom that seeps in through the windows.

A big cold front has lurched in from the West Coast. We’re supposed to see rain all day today, tonight, and tomorrow and then, as is common when a winter storm’s cloud cover lifts, a hard freeze. Thursday and Friday temps will drop into the low 20s, once again killing every plant in Phoenix that still possesses a leaf.

Under the kitchen counter and not pleased

I’ve hauled in every potted plant I could pick up or shove onto the dolly. The dining room and family room are populated with them. They’re not pleased with me for cheating them of their chance to soak up some unsalted, unchlorinated water, which is what falls out of our skies, so much superior to what barfs out of the tap. But it will rain again. This freeze will happen only once in the next four or five years. They will be glad to spend the next few nights indoors, those plants.

Gerardo came by with his 16-year-old son, one of those adolescents who starts to look like a young man before he can lift a can of beer to celebrate his new mustache. Wrestled the two surviving strings of old incandescent Christmas lights into the lime tree, in hopes of fending off a repeat of the dieback the last freeze dealt it three or four years ago. There really aren’t enough lights to do much good. We hung a shop light up in the middle of the canopy, too. Hope these will emanate enough heat to save most of the tree.

***

My neighbor Terri got a new air conditioner today. The AC dudes spent a third of the day, most of it in cold, pouring rain, wrestling the old unit off her roof and wrestling a new one on. It possesses a sterling new quality: QUIET! Yes. Last time I looked out there, it was humming softly to itself: quieter right outside my beloved west deck (the Leafy Bower) than the swimming pool motor. This is nice, very nice: in the past when Terri’s AC unit came on, the racket was enough to drive one inside. I hope it saves her as much on her bills as it does in noise relief!

***

Gerardo looked askance at the AC dudes. He refused to leave until he saw that I’d locked the security door on the garage’s west side, which the AC dudes could observe in action all the time he and his son were fooling around out there. {sigh} I’m afraid he’s becoming Americanized.

Gerardo emanates decency. He’s one of those men who revives your confidence in the human race. If you’ve ever traveled deep into Mexico, you’ve met a number of men and women like him: gracious, polite, and genuinely kind. I imagine when you live in a small village, it’s easy to see who’s morally challenged, and so one probably aspires to common decency. Whatever the cultural impetus, it seems to work. Gerardo makes me want to move to the Yucatán, whence he came.

When I first met Gerardo some years ago, he seemed preternaturally trusting. Naive, some of us might say. But alas, Candide takes instruction well, and now, even though with his friends he’s still his Old-World self, he doesn’t waste his goodwill on everyone anymore.

***

As we were untangling the strings of lights I’d heedlessly tossed into a box last winter, the mailman walked into the garage to deliver the first of the two pair of tights I’d bought to go with a couple of the tops captured in Monday’s bargain-hunting frenzy. These were the black Danskins.

They look great with the white Nygård tunic bearing the gaudy peony (or whatever it is) and good enough for government work with the long black knit top. The latter, I think, will be mostly for around-the-house; the former certainly fine for the grocery store and waypoints. But oh! They are so comfortable! Really, I didn’t want to take them off.

The style of wearing tights under a tunic, long a fatlady strategy, is probably passé—my daughter-in-sin, a chronic yo-yo dieter, used to affect this combination when she was feeling tubby. But gosh. Who cares? It makes me drop about 20 visual pounds! It’s far more comfortable than my usual uniform of Costco jeans and knit tops. And…mirabilis! These things don’t have to be ironed!

Quite a few other tunic-length tops reside in the closet, begging to be worn with them.

***

The American Express bill arrived too, along with the tights. Holy mackerel: $2,330!

What on earth happened to my $800 budget?

Well, $520 or so of that was paid by M’hijito, who bought a new dryer at Sears. We charged it on my card so I could get the AMEX kickback, and he instantly wrote me a check to cover it.

Then there was the down payment on the ottoman I’ve coveted at Crate & Barrel, which I planned to pay from diddle-it-away savings.

And the $450 for 2011 Delta Dental coverage. I have got to get my teeth cleaned! Been afraid to set foot in a dental office since my coverage lapsed last May. And I suspect I need at least two new crowns. There’s a waiting period…hope I can last through it! La Maya has a dentist whom she describes as the (hunky!) Dentist from Heaven, so as soon as his office opens after the New Year, I’ll try to get in.

The Times double-charged me again this month, one of those habits of hard-copy periodicals that tends to drive one away from subscriptions. Amazingly, they always contrive to do this in months when I’m already overcharged.

And, since none of this explains a $1,500 budget overrun, this was definitely an overcharge month!

At I Pick Up Pennies, Abigail describes a kind of spending exhaustion. That’s exactly how I’m feeling, even though most of this month’s outrageous expenditures were really not extravagances but things that were truly needed. I feel the same way: would like to spend the next month in full frugal mode. Hold the bills, please!

😀

In the Depths of the Dillard’s Outlet

I just bought $756 worth of clothes!

Yes. That would be eleven (count’em, 11) shirts.

And I paid $108 for the lot.

Yesterday morning La Maya suggested we explore the Dillard’s outlet store, in the Metrocenter Ghost Mall on I-17 just south of Peoria Avenue in Phoenix. I haven’t visited those precincts in years. The once-vibrant mall, North America’s largest at the time it was built, died a decade ago. A doughty Trader Joe’s hung on until, four or five years ago, it closed as the chain followed the white flight to the city’s overbuilt, overpriced suburbs. The Macy’s closed long ago. The Broadway died. Penney’s fled. A wan Sears store hangs on, for reasons I can’t fathom—no one ever seems to go in there—and a moribund amusement park runs seasonally. Otherwise, the main attraction is a bus station.

Dillard’s has chosen to convert its Ghost Mall store into a bargain basement, there to unload merchandise that wouldn’t move off the racks in its tonier stores.

I don’t ordinarily do well in such establishments. The lighting is dim, the atmosphere dingy, and the clothing jammed indiscriminately onto rack after rack after depressingly endless rack. It’s hard to separate the good stuff (if there is any) from the junk, and I have little patience with sorting through piles of orphaned, cut-rate clothing. Normally, all I can see is the rayon pink, green, and purple polka-dotted number, which seems to come to hand wherever one reaches.

So without La Maya’s urging, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to go there. In fact, I didn’t even know Dillard’s had an outlet store there. She said she’d found a bunch of sweet designer tops to wear on her recent trip to Hawaii. So…why not?

Hee heee! I’m sure glad I went along!

Pawing through the vast offerings of unsold clothing, we came across piles of upscale designer outfits in every size. We staked out a dressing room and, unimpeded by any nosy staff (as in “please…you want it? take it out the door! pay if you feel in the mood”), the two of us must have dragged forty or fifty tops back there.

About 90 percent of them didn’t fit. I’d guess a lot of the Asian-made clothing we find on the racks doesn’t sell because it’s mis-sized. Most were too large; some were too small. Several sleeveless shirts were cut unevenly, so that the arm-holes were different sizes. And these were fancy labels: Jones New York, Eileen Fisher, and the like. Every stitch was made in China or a third-world country.

Try on enough clothes, though, and sooner or later you’ll find something that fits and doesn’t look hideous.

Everything had already been marked down several times, and now the store was offering 50% off the most recent marked price. So a $7.50 shirt cost $3.25! The most I paid was about $18, and that was for an M.S.S.P. shirt whose original retail price was $128.

Wow!

So I came away with 11 tops ranging upwards of $60 apiece in alleged value, for just a little over a hundred bucks.

Two of them are tunic-length affairs. I’ve been coveting a pair of leggings ever since my favorite J. Jill saleslady suggested they’d be good with some of that store’s costumes. So as soon as I got home, I booted up Amazon.com and ordered a pair of ankle-length Danskins in black, to go with the M.S.S.P. top, and a pair of maroon tights from American Apparel, which should look awesome under the wild-looking Nygård thing with the fantastic Vera-like flower on the front—all very Finnish and politically incorrect in the worst way. Hope they fit—I haven’t worn Danskins since I was in my 20s, when I favored leotards to go with all those bell-bottoms and broom skirts. 😉

So it was a hugely successful shopping trip! We couldn’t have done any better at a thrift shop. And now I have almost a dozen much-needed, brand-new shirts, most of them far more feminine than the usual mannish stuff I pick up at Costco.

Twitter followers!

Hi, there, beloved Twitter followers!

Thanks for following Funny about Money on Twitter.

Just to let you know… After some changes made following the Gawker hack, Twitter decided it wouldn’t accept any iteration of either my new or old password. I am totally out of patience with this game, and so I’m not even going to try to jump through still more hoops to get back in. This stuff has occupied way too many hours of my time, and the chronic frustration over the wasted time and recurring annoyance is making my stomach cramp, my jaws clench, and my head hurt.

So it’s not that I don’t love you (I do, I do!!). It’s  that just Twitter has tilted the pinball machine: enough is enough.

Happy New Year to the All You Twitterers!

Tax Break Comin’ Your Way! What Will You Do with It?

Last week President Obama signed a bill that will lower your 2011 Social Security taxes from 6.2% to 4.2%, for next year only. This tax holiday, which, bizarrely enough, will cost the federal government $120 billion at a time when the government is facing astronomical deficits and we’re being told Social Security is headed for Hell on a skateboard, could save you as much as $2,136 next year. If you’re a couple both of whom earn over $106,800, you’ll see a $4,272 tax break.

The theory behind it is that the increase people will see in their monthly or biweekly paychecks will be small enough to look like gravy and so they’ll diddle it away on stuff and services, thereby supposedly stimulating the economy.

Could be. Could be voodoo works to cure warts, too.

I must say, if someone handed me $2,136 it would go straight to savings—even if I were wealthy enough for that amount to apply. O’course, that’s not what you’re going to see in your paycheck; it’ll be dribbled out to you in $178/month increments, or $89 per paycheck if you’re paid twice monthly. Considerably less, actually, unless you earn a top-tier paycheck. In my case, this vast new lucre will amount, over the entire year, to $288.

But let’s say you earn enough to matter. In theory, if you’re earning that much, you ought to be able to afford to spend two, three, four thousand bucks on anything your heart pleases. Two percent of my former, relatively modest salary, for example, would have put an extra $1,300 in my pocket—but in the palmy days when I earned a salary, that was less than I budgeted for the American Express card each month.

Several options present themselves:

1. Diddle it away. We’re told this will improve the economy, making us all richer and happier sometime in the gilded future.

2. Pay down debt, if you still have any after the past few years of our national frenzy to get out of debt. It would make sense, if this is your choice, to figure out how much the windfall will add to your paycheck and set your online bank account to automatically pay it to the creditor that holds your largest or your highest-interest debt.

3. Set it aside to buy a big-ticket item, thereby keeping yourself out of future debt. A couple thousand bucks would buy you a nice refrigerator or—yes! a MacBook! Here, too, the smart strategy would be to arrange an automatic transfer of the temporary raise from checking to savings.

4. Donate it to charity. With the de jure unemployment rate still hovering near 10 percent, the de facto rate around 20 percent, and thousands more Americans poised to be dispossessed of their homes in 2011, the civil thing to do would be to put the money where it can help someone else.

5. Save it for retirement. This is just a taste of what we can expect when the Republicans get back into office, which is likely to happen at the end of Obama’s present term. Continued raids on Social Security will kill it fast. If you’re under 65, you’re going to need this money when you find yourself too old to work.

Just now,  my investments are earning between 5 and 7 percent; let’s say that averages 6 percent. And let’s say you’re 35 and you earn enough to qualify for the full $2,136: by the time you’re 65, this year’s windfall will be worth $12,268. If you’re a couple both of whom earn six-figure salaries, you’ll have an extra $24,536 in the community property, assuming you’re still married after 30 years. Ah, the miracle of compounding interest!

If it were me, I’d figure charity begins at home. At the rate we’re going, a person in her 20s or 30s can expect never to see a nickel from Social Security. If you have a Roth IRA, this will be an easy way to fund it. Simply have your bank send the extra income straight to the Roth. Second-best: if you’re not maxing out your 401(k) or 403(b), have your employer increase your contribution from your paycheck. Otherwise, invest it in a brokerage account, also by automatic deposit.

Getting Rid of Junk Mail: DMA and other choices

The City is planning to make us put our garbage in new green bins for pickup in front of our houses, instead of in the giant communal bins in the alley. This will mean two space-consuming hulks in my garage instead of one—the blue recycling bin, which is picked up in front, resides in there now. My house has no place in front to stash an unsightly plastic garbage bin, and I don’t want it in my gardeny backyard, which I use as living space. So I’ve decided to put the blue barrel in the alley (there’s no law in Phoenix requiring residents to recycle) and put all the trash in the garbage.

So much trash arrives in the mail that most weeks just the junk mail alone fills about a third to a half of the blue bin. By way of not filling up the new bin so the garbage won’t fit, I finally got around to asking the Direct Marketing Association (DMA) to take me off its members’ mailing lists. This, we’re told, is the answer to all your junk mail problems.

Not quite.

In the first place, registering for DMA is a hassle. You either have to send them an application by snail mail along with a check for $1.00 (yeah!), or you have to register on line, requiring you jump through a long series of hoops and give them an e-mail address. Once you’re finally in, you get to jump through MORE hoops.

What is it about “I don’t want to get junk from anyone” that should be so hard to express?

You have to go to several subsites at the DMA page to request removal from several different categories of mailing lists: credit card offers, catalogs, magazine offers, and “other mail offers.”

Click on “credit offers,” and you get to jump through another set of hoops, this one requiring you to divulge your Social Security number. Then you have to print out your request and mail it to Experian, apparently the only one of the four credit bureaus (there’s a new one!) to receive it. Go to “other mail offers,” and you’re presented with seven pages of marketers. You have to go to each one individually and beg to be removed from their nuisance-mail lists! About 99 percent of these are irrelevant: when was the last time you got an ad from ADT Security or Casino Windsor? From what I can tell, the worst offenders are not on this list.

Moving on to “magazine offers,” you come upon a two-page list of 36 magazines. Again, you have to manually contact every single one of them to beg them to stop sending you “offers.”

Like I have nothing better to do with my time?

The outfits that really blitz you with trash are not on these lists. Nor are the chain grocery stores that fill your mailbox with newspaper pullouts advertising “deals” on piles and piles of junk food.

If you seriously want to reduce the amount of trash delivered to your recycling bin through the mails, be prepared to spend a lot of time and some money. Go here to discover the endless series of hoop-jumps you’ll have go through to stem the tide of junkmail pouring into your home.

Valassis and Red Plum, which evidently are responsible for a fair amount of trash, provide a single page that promises to remove your name from their lists (eventually). So does ValPack, which is in the business of sending you blue packages full of coupons for things you never buy—unless you’re into junk food.

Really, every time the Postal Service announces it’s in the red and may go out of business, I think I won’t weep much when that happens. Surely UPS and FedEx will cost junk mailers so much they’ll quit sending piles of useless paper to everyone in creation. Then no doubt they’ll try to get our e-mail addresses and blitz us there.

👿

Merry Christmas! Have Some Fun!

Have you seen the delightful site called Today I Found Out? I literally stumbled across it, having finally gotten around to reinstalling the StumbleUpon toolbar after the late, great hard drive crash.

Check out this infographic about one of my favorite critters:

10 Amazzzzing Bee Facts Infographic

[Source: Today I Found Out]

Is that or is it not a hoot? These funny strips are nestled in among conventionally written blog posts, each of them reporting some interesting or odd fact. As far as I can tell, every story comes with an extra payload of related and sometimes amazing factoids. Did you know that the “pull and pray” method is actually just about as effective as using condoms? Who’d’ve thunk it? Truth is, for the average Joe & Jane, rubbers are a great deal less effective than some of us have been known to hope.

Did you know the stuff inside an Etch-a-Sketch (one of my favorite toys when I was a little kid…and just freshly invented, as it develops, there in the Late Cretaceous) is extremely flammable? Bet you didn’t know what was inside it at all, didja? Or when sliced bread was illegal? Or who invented Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

This is an absurdly fun site for closet eggheads, the type who used to read the Encyclopaedia Britannica in the bathroom when not playing with their Etch-a-Sketches. Check it out!