Coffee heat rising

Saudi Arabia: SO glad to be gone…

Back at the old homestead, I see, those who wish the Americans ill have bombed a refinery. Abqaiq. Oh, God: define Chez Pitts, and you’ve got it… We lived within driving distance of that garden spot, in another hole called Ras Tanura.

Rasty Nasty, as my father used to call it, was a port for oil tankers. At the time, the refinery was located there — I don’t know, really, whether there was also a refinery at Abqaiq…or what. At any rate, oil was loaded onto the tankers at Ras Tanura, and most of the Americans who lived there were refinery or port workers, plus a few support staff such as teachers, medical staff, and administrators.

Dhahran was largely occupied by administrative staff, plus there was an Air Force base there and also an airport for commercial traffic.

And Abqaiq, out in the most gawdawful desert you can imagine, was an oil field. Horrible places, each and every one.  At the time, Dhahran and Ras Tanura had gated residential communities for American families of company employees; these were isolated small towns, occupied exclusively by Americans, who were there on two-year contracts. The paterfamilias got a three-month leave every two years, for which the company would fly him and his family to New York, or, if preferred, to some European destination, and a two-week leave in the middle of the two-year contract, which most of us would spend in Bahrain or Beirut.

This kind of attack was exactly the kind of thing the company secretly expected, and for which it had plans. In the event of riots or revolution, American family members in Ras Tanura were to be loaded onto buses and driven to Dhahran, where magically we were to board airplanes and be flown out of the country.

Har har!

On the two-lane “highway” between Ras Tanura and Dhahran there was an oasis occupied by locals who were, shall we say, less than positive about Americans. Along that road, you could see a billboard that read, in Arabic, “Yankee Go Home.” A pipeline ran out of Abqaiq, which posed a chronic problem: it was always being cut or otherwise sabotaged by the locals.

My father, who was a harbor pilot at the Ras Tanura port, had been a merchant mariner for years before landing the highly paid job that took us to this garden spot. He made his own plans for us, in the case of unrest. We each — my mother, my father, and me — had a grab-and-go suitcase, always packed for a quick escape. (Mine contained my favorite stuffed animals.) Because of his long experience at sea, he knew most of the tanker captains well.

He had made arrangements with all of his tanker-commanding friends to take my mother and me on board should the need arise. We would be hidden until the ship could set to sea (which you may be sure would have been forthwith), and carried through the Persian Gulf, out the Strait of Hormuz, and thence to the Suez Canal. The company confiscated our passports when we arrived in-country, and so we would have no papers. We would have had to be taken someplace that had a US consulate to be let off the ship. Cairo, presumably?

My father had somehow smuggled a pistol into the country, which he hid somewhere in the house where even I couldn’t find it. (That was saying something: I could find almost anything in that place.) He planned to use it in the event riots got inside the camp.

But of course, when the time came…well…he wasn’t there. That night when rioters did almost break through the Main Gate, he and my mother were playing bridge at the home of another couple. My best friend Pamela was staying the night at our house. We slept through all the excitement, and neither we nor our parents had a clue until after the fact. Had the insurgents managed to get into camp, my father wouldn’t have had a chance to get back to the house to protect us, and of course we wouldn’t have had a chance to defend ourselves, either…because I had no idea where the gun was. Nor would I have known how to use it.

What a horrible place it was. Living there was like living in a remote small town in the Southwest — such as, say, Ajo — only with no access to a city, no escape from the social pressure-cooker, and little access to free news reporting. Summers were almost as hot as Arizona‘s, only it was not by any means a “dry heat.” When you would wake up in the morning, water would be dripping off the eaves and puddling on the ground — so humid was the air that once I was standing in the front yard when rain began to fall out of a clear blue sky.

At least the residents of Ajo are not universally hated by the locals — what few of them remain after our ancestors leveled the place. It’s hard to say that’s a “good” thing…but it’s one helluva lot better than having to live in fenced, guarded compounds.

Y’know, there are a lot of good reasons for America to reduce its dependence on oil. Climate change may be the foremost among them. But Saudi Arabia is a close second.

When they say “Empty Quarter,” they ain’t kidding. This is where we lived. For ten long years…

Live-Blogging from the Doc’s Office

So…here I am at the dermatologist’s office…AGAIN. Ten minutes early: didn’t take as long to fight the traffic as usual. Only one moron, all the way across 103 north-south avenues and six east-west main drags.

Ah! This is amusing. I see typing on a keyboard annoys my fellow waiting-room inmates. Some woman just got up and moved herself closer to the (annoying!) yakathon television. To keep the patients calm, this particular practice serenades us with an UNENDING loop of some TV home-improvement show episodes. On and boringly on about ripping out shelving and installing cabinetry and fixing the plumbing. Sooo soothing…

Young Dr. Kildare’s office is right around the corner – this being the dermatology practice he likes to refer his patients to. Consumed a third of a tank of gas a couple days ago to consult with him about a weird traffic event in which I damn near killed four people by trying to pass an aggressive moron who I thought was in the middle lane but who was actually in the left-turn lane.

That was exciting…

And alarming, because in 42 years of driving, I’ve never gotten so confused I didn’t even know what damn lane I was driving in! So I wanted to…

Oh…the woman disturbed by the sound of keys tapping is yapping on her phone, sharing her personal life with one and all! Love it!

…where were we? So I wanted to ask him if he could tell whether I’m starting to Alzheimer out.

He said. “That’s not dementia. That’s road rage.”

😀

Oh, God! Her kid’s teacher called her on the phone earlier to report that the brat was “having an off day” in school: not paying attention in class. She gets into a worried heart-to-heart about this.

Did any child, anywhere, ever pay attention in those interminable, brain-bangingly stupid grade-school classes?

…where were we? So Young Dr. Kildare says the only thing wrong with me is road rage, and I need to get a grip. And, interestingly, he shares the fact that he also is plagued by constant road rage while driving around Our Fair city.

At this point, I share with him my Universal Theory of Phoenix Drivers. This, as you will recall, goes as follows:

Hypothesis 1: At any given time when you are on the road, one in ten drivers coming toward you is a moron.

He says: “Oh! I would have said two or three!”

I say, “Well, given the volume of traffic on a road like 7th Street, that could be so, but I believe that to be an illusion. Fewer people are morons than we perceive.”

Hypothesis 2: At any given time when you are on the road, one in ten drivers going in your direction is a moron.

Corollary: Therefore, at all times when you are driving in lovely Phoenix, you are surrounded by morons.

He persisted in his analysis, that the numerical value is grossly underestimated. This aspect will need further investigation to produce valid statistical results.

At any rate, the dearth of morons at 10:00 in the morning is puzzling. Usually, one would expect to encounter at least three or four of them.

Today must be some kind of moron holiday.

***

That was easier than I expected.

Meeting with the dermatologist’s PA, I explained that I’d gone to the Mayo to get a second opinion, because that is what I always do, after 40-some years of experience in the Land of Medical Science, and that the alleged doctor I’d spoken with would not give me a straight answer to even ONE of the three fairly simple questions I asked her:

  1. Is the most recently treated lesion, which remains red and has a white spot in it, healing properly, or do we need to do more to clean it out?
  2. What is the cause of the apparent nerve pain up and down my arm, which arose when this lesion was frozen off and has only partially cleared?
  3. Is it really necessary to use the Efudex prescribed by the westside dermatologist’s practice at this time, or can we safely wait to see whether freezing these things off works?

Mayo’s doc simply refused to give me an answer to questions 1 and 2. To question 3, said she: “Well…we normally prescribe that when there are a lot of lesions. Like, 15.”

There had only been two, at this point.

I said, “So, are you saying it’s reasonable not to use the product at this time?”

She said, “That’s up to you. It’s your decision.”

WTF??? Why the hell does she think I would ask her opinion if I had a clue about the advisability of applying a product that is going to blister up my hand, inflict an array of unpleasant and painful side effects, and very possibly cause permanent disfigurement?

So when I tell Wonder-Dermatology’s PA about this, she says…

  1. The recently treated lesion is healing quite well. The redness is to be expected and will go away slowly. The white spots are scars.
  2. It’s really unlikely the arm pain could be caused by treating that particular spot, because to reach the suspect nerve one would have to burrow in a great deal deeper than a squirt of frozen nitrogen can do. Young Doctor Kildare’s theory that it’s a variety of tendinitis or some kind of muscle strain is probably correct. But if it doesn’t go away, I should ask him for a referral.
  3. Hilarious! Yes, actually, we can wait safely to see whether any more keratoses arise after today’s treatment. Fifteen??? We often treat even one or two lesions with Efudex.

And then she kindly sprayed not just the latest visitation on the paw, but the big ugly brown spot on my face, too. The one I’ve been trying to get her to freeze off since I first showed up in her precincts.

Adventures in Medical Science…

Thanks, Mr. Stranger Man…

So once again Harvey the Hayward Pool Cleaner has choked on a palm-tree seed, and I’ve dragged him (and myself…) up to the Leslie’s Pools store to be dissected, cleaned out, and put back together.

This process is free, but it’s a time-consuming nuisance.

After the palm trees favored in our parts have flowered (these are not date palms), they drop hundreds and hundreds of hard, BB-like black seeds. Right into the pool. Every time the wind blows. Every time it rains.

These BB’s can jam Harvey’s spinning innards, which are propelled by the force of water being sucked through the pool’s filter and pump. When that happens, Harvey comes to a dead stop, and no further pool cleaning gets done. Leslie’s will take him apart, remove the offending bead or beads, and put him back together.

Drag Harvey home, drop him back in the pool, slide the hose into the water so it fills up by displacing all the air in it, repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

A guy was there before me, and only one of the Leslie’s crew was minding the store. The kid said he’d be right with me; I said “no hurry.” So I waited. And waited. And waited. Two other guys came in. They waited. Another guy came in. He waited.

The fourth guy, bored, struck up a desultory conversation, during which I remarked that Harvey had choked on a palm-tree BB.

Now, this guy was an actual, living, breathing pool guy. In addition to fleecing the hoi polloi, Leslie’s does a to-the-trade business, providing deep discounts to people who can prove they’re pro’s.

“You know,” says he, “you can fix that, most of the time, by turning the cleaner upside down and giving it a sharp shake.”

What? “Oh, yeah?”

I flip Harvey over and shake him a couple of times, and POP! Out comes the offending seed. It bounces across the floor.

“Now,” says my informant, “you stick your finger in here and see if this thing will move around.” This thing is some kind of rotor device that resides just inside the hose connection. He demonstrates.

Then he flips the gadget back over.

“He needs new feet,” he says. It’s amazing how the “Harvey” conceit is contagious. Call the thing “Harvey the Hayward Pool Cleaner” and the next thing you know, everyone is calling it “him.” 😀  “And new wings.”

He then proceeds to advise on how to replace the wings, and, soto voce, suggests buying these parts from Amazon, where (as anyone who knows anything about Leslie’s knows…), they’re much cheaper.

Okay. Sooo…. I slip out the door while our cute young sales clerk is still occupied with Customer No. 1. I’m skeptical about this, but…figure it can’t hurt to schlep Harvey home and try him out.

Drag him into the house. Lash him back up to his hose. Drop him in the drink. A-N-N-N-N-D….

Holy mackerel! He takes off like a rocket!

Harvey has not shot around the pool like that since I had the puddle resurfaced!

I figured his sluggish pace was caused by the coarse, annoying quality of the PebbleSheen. But apparently not!

Two, three hours have passed, and Harvey is still going strong. He does still get hung up on the hateful new Save-the-Proles-from-Themselves drain covers, but instead of staying stuck until I come along and bump him loose, after a minute or two he manages to work himself free.

Wow!

So I’m going to order the wings from Amazon, and maybe the feet, too — especially if I can find change-’em-out instructions on YouTube. Like, ohhh, say, this one…

Whoever that guy was, he not only saved me a whole lot of time (going forward), but he also saved me a bundle of dough.

I had grown so tired of the repeated junkets to Leslie’s — once every two or three days, during the seed-shedding season — that I’d decided to buy one of the newer Hayward cleaners that runs on wheels. These allegedly can handle the stupid new drain covers and also supposedly suffer less wear on the abrasive PebbleSheen surface. Planned to keep Harvey as a back-up, knowing this new thing will probably gag on palm BBs, too. Thing is…these gadgets cost FOUR HUNDRED AND EIGHT DOLLAH.

At Amazon. Probably more than that at Leslie’s.

Well. Mr. Stranger Man not only showed me a 30-second fix for Harvey, he also (silently) demonstrated that once actually fixed, Harvey runs as well on that PebbleSheen gunk as he did on the old-fashioned nice, smooth plaster!

I’ll be damned.

Of course, sooner or later Harvey will wear out. But when he does, his replacement will only be about $300, not $400+ for the wheelie model.

Meanwhile, I may not have to trim the accursed palm trees at all. Two or three years ago, to Gerardo’s chagrin, I stopped hiring him (or anyone) to climb up there and cut the previous year’s dead growth off. This, because Gerardo decided to schedule this job smack in the middle of the birds’ nesting season. Those palm trees host dozens of birds. One wants those birds up there, because they eat the cockroaches that spawn in goddamn palm trees, and they eat the cockroach grubs that fall in the pool all spring, and they clear out ants at the first sign of a new colony. Because of those birds, I have no roaches, no ants, and precious few other pests.

Well, when Gerardo’s guys barged up there and hacked back the trees, they dumped the nests full of baby birds on the ground.

When I went out there, I found dead baby chicks all over the KoolDeck, and mother birds flying around crying out in despair. Alllll day long.

Lest you think birds do not feel emotions…lest you imagine birds feel no grief, no despair: think again.

So, I’ve never let Gerardo mess with those palm trees again.

That makes them very messy, very VERY much a nuisance. To me and to the neighbors and to anyone who drives a car up the road behind the house during the windy season.

This is a question whose answer has long escaped me: Why do white people have such a fascination with palm trees?????????

What in the name of Heaven and Hell about palm trees so enchants the gringos? They make no shade. They’re ugly as an old stick in the ground. They make no dates. Certainly no coconuts. The only crop these Arizona palms produce is debris!

And they’re very good at producing debris.

They’re expensive to maintain — it costs several hundred dollars to have Gerardo’s guys trim the damn things every spring. They attract lightning. They breed cockroaches. And desert termites. And black widows. And roof rats. At least in Arabia the palm trees produced dates — matter of fact, that and millet were our area’s main crops. But these BB-fruiting things? All the way around, they’re useless, uglee, and nuisancey.

Why, White Man? What is it about these things that you find so charming?

I should have them taken out. But you don’t even want to know what it would cost to have someone come and cut them down. The neighbor across the street has been extirpating his, but he can only afford to remove one or two at a time. It will take several years to clear his yard of the things. At that rate, too, it would take four years to get rid of mine.

Is it worth the trouble?

Somehow, I suspect not.

PayPal: Why you should avoid it

Over at Quora, the subject of PayPal came up in the course of a discussion comparing US payment methods with those in Europe. Over there, checks are obsolete; electronic payment transfers are ubiquitous. Zelle is popular in Europe, as it is with major American banks. But credit unions do not exist there, and my credit union (which unlike a large bank treats its customers humanely) does not subscribe to Zelle.

One correspondent remarked, in praising Zelle:

Checks are so dangerous. You are handing people a piece of paper with your name, address, bank name and full account number, and at retailers they often notate your drivers license number and phone number too, and you top all this info off with your signature. Everything a fraudster needs!

Said I:

Credit unions don’t offer Zelle. PayPal dings you a stiff fee for every transaction and will not allow you to transfer a client’s payment to your banking institution for three months after the client pays. Also, by claiming not to be a banking institution, PayPal evades regulation by US banking authorities….and as my own experience has shown, that is FAR more dangerous than checks. When they choose to rip you off, you have exactly zero recourse to the law.

Flabbergasted, another commenter added:

PayPal is essentially unregulated in the United States. It is not a bank. It is a privately owned corporation that can do pretty damn near anything it wants. And anything it wants is not necessarily in your interest. The complaints posted online at the Better Business Bureau — presently numbering 8,696, are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Pissed Consumer reports three issues resolved of 635 reviews, with $1.9 million in claimed losses. A whole website is devoted to publicizing PayPal’s outrages.

Here’s an alternative that might work for you: a reasonably low-cost system that accepts all major credit cards, with transaction rates that undercut PayPal’s, especially if your clients are overseas.

PayPal: AVOID!

Wind, water, and flying marbles…

What do you suppose gets into our alleged President that he puts on performances like the one where he displayed a faked weather map and lied about the predicted path of Hurricane Dorian? Then when someone calls him on the error he’s promulgating to the public in the path of a monster storm, he persists in the lie!

WTF? Does he even know where Alabama is?

Credit: Associated Press

Why on earth do we have a President who lies so pathologically that he can’t even emit a straight story about a freaking weather event? This man should have been removed from office months ago.

Oh. Then he cancels a long-planned trip to Poland, whose purpose was to commemorate the grim start of World War II, supposedly to monitor the hurricane…which he decides to do from his golf course. Maybe that’s why he got confused about the geography? Hard to see around all those sand traps?

If the man ever had any marbles, he surely has lost them. Presumably what few marbles he ever had are now flying around in the hurricane’s winds.

What the Weather Service really said…

Presumably the Bahamas will be neglected just as shamelessly as Puerto Rico was after Hurricane Maria. More so: the Bahamas are not a US possession. It’ll be interesting to watch him shuck off (heh) Alabama, too…

And Florida. And Georgia. And the Carolinas. And points north.

It’s been hellish hot here: 109° and, at one point, 49% humidity. But man! I’ll take 109-degree heat over 109 mph winds…any day!

Could do without the hot air blowing from Washington, though…

Sittin’ at the Front Desk

So here we are down at the church office, where I got impressed into a stint at volunteering as the front-desk receptionist. The staff is in a meeting for an hour, which means I have to take messages from all the callers. But that’s a good thing, because I am exceptionally stupid about operating the phone system.

For reasons I cannot even begin to comprehend, this thing utterly flummoxes me. I can’t for the life of me figure out — and remember — how to connect incoming calls with their intended recipients or to a recipient’s voicemail. Possibly this is because I’m not here enough to internalize the process — I’m only here about once a month, for 3½ hours, nowhere near long enough to make a series of tricks like these “mine.”

Ironically, my first job ever was as a receptionist/PBX operator for a large law firm. I loved that job! It was the best job I’ve ever had, during the entire 42 years of my working life. And I’ll tellya, that system was a heckuva lot more complicated than this system — we had three stations, each with six incoming lines. During a busy period, all six of your lines would be jangling at once. There were 40 lawyers plus their legal secretaries plus the people in accounting plus the people in filing plus the librarian plus the office manager plus…plus…plus. But it was simple and straightforward to operate.

This little volunteer job rarely has anything going on — as you can tell by the fact that I while away my time playing with the computer and scribbling blog posts. Someone named Jerod is supposed to show up during the staff meeting for our financial person; she wants to be hailed out when that person surfaces. Otherwise, there’s…well…nothing. The phone has rung twice this morning; often it never rings at all during a shift.

Hm. I see the Washington Post will let me into its games from the church’s network. That site recently blocked me because I refuse to turn off my ad-blocker, but I managed to replace all my favorites by finding them at the Great Day Games site. However, WaPo’s versions are a little better designed and the site lets you accrue a lifetime collection of points. Oddly, it seems to recognize me, despite the difference in the IP address. Interesting…

Good! Now I can play Dark Dimensions, a brain-bangingly pointless time-waster! 😀 One of my favorites…

Hmmm…. That’s interesting. I wonder if there’s a way to fake out their system so it doesn’t recognize my IP address? Hmmmm….indeed… Apparently the Tor Browser will hide your IP address. Evidently it’s slow, but it does conceal private (and not-so-private) information.

This is the first time I’ve taken on the morning stint for the receptionist job — they divvy it up into morning and afternoon shifts, and I’ve always been assigned afternoons. Seems a little busier than the afternoon gig…a lot of people wandering in and out. The Kelly Paper guy just surfaced in an 18-wheeler. He’s rolling in stack after stack of boxes full of paper.

Thrill a minute, eh?

****

Only 45 minutes to go.

Three and a half hours seems like a crazy long time when you have nothing to do. I could, of course, work up the energy to re-address the Ella story, something I’ve failed to do for…how long? Weeks and weeks.

As soon I finish here, I have to schlep Harvey the Hayward Pool Cleaner up to the local Leslie’s store. He committed hara-kiri whilst cleaning up after the last little monsoonlet, which deposited a layer of BB-like palm tree seeds all over the bottom of the shiny clean pool. I was able to get most of them up with the hose-operated leaf-catcher device, but about a dozen of the damn things just would not stay in the net. It only takes one to break Harvey…

From Leslie’s, it’s up to the Walmart grocery store, where I hope they’ll still have a few 20-pound bags of bird seed. The wildlife is almost out of the 40 pounder I ordered from Amazon. It was nice to be able to have the seed delivered to the door, except..

  • Hauling it from the door to the bin where I store the stuff in the backyard was highly problematic… And…
  • The stuff from the Amazon vendor was not what you’d call the highest quality. Walmart’s bird seed is unadulterated by small chunks of weird stuff (Styrofoam? plaster? whaaaa?) and it contains more millet, less sunflower seed.
  • And Walmart sells the same stuff cheaper.

Then the minute I walk in the door, I have to call a prospective client: apparently a memoirist.

The new flat rate of 4 cents a word seems to be working all the way around. It doesn’t seem to scare off clients (much, anyway), yet on a book-length work it returns enough to justify my existence. So if I can land another book, that will be helpful.

One of the Chinese academics talked their university into paying me with a check. So far no such thing has made itself evident. Nanyang Tech says it will send money, too…but again: no sign of a visible remittance.

So I’m pretty sure the China trade is defunct. That’s OK, though, as long as I can keep snaring in book manuscripts. It would take eight 10,000-word academic articles, at four cents a word, to pay as much as one rather short book-length project. And any day I’d rather hustle up one author instead of eight of ’em!

Six more minutes. WHERE is my replacement?????